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Im a married 21 yr old woman with 2 kids but i have virtually no sex drive & can't seem to acheive orgasim....what do i do?

By April 28, 2013 - 10:57am
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Hi :) I am 21 years old & in October I will have been married for 3 years & have had 2 childeren. I am having a problem with not only my sex drive but climaxing also. Please understand that I am VERY attracted to my husband & very much still in love with him,we have a wonderful relationship & he has been more than patient with all of this but something needs to change. I WANT to be in the mood,I want to make love to my husband everyday but its like no matter what I do or he does I just can't seem to get in the mood. Now sometimes after we have had sex I am extremly in the mood but by then he has orgasimed & it'll be awhile b4 we can do it again & then either we get busy or it goes away. Then on top of that I would say I've climaxed a total of 2-3 times in the past 2 years! It just seems like its an impossible task. My husband is my first & only sexually so I don't have a lot of experience but whenever I can orgasim,its only if I'm on top,I don't know why.

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Expert HERWriter Blogger

It is also important to know that many women (probably at least 1/2 - 2/3rds) cannot have an orgasm with intercourse, they need more direct clitoral stimulation (digitally, orally, vibrator) to orgasm. Different positions may help but just more direct stimulation may help too. Often times taking the time for masturbation helps you understand what/where you find most pleasure and then you can direct your partner.

There are a number of medications that have negative sexual side effects and a couple of the most common are birth control pills and anti-depressants (SSRI/SNRI), reviewing your medication list with your doctor may help solve, or at least better understand your present situation. Certainly a big life stressor gets in the way of satisfying sex for women and there are no easy solutions for that, talking it over with your partner certainly is a good idea.

We also encourage women to engage more of their senses in the act of sex. Listen to some favorite music, use massage oils, light an aromatic candle. Adding little things can help a lot!

Good luck!

May 8, 2013 - 10:22am

Hello Dear, i read your post and in my opinion, may be you are thinking too much about the issue, due to this whenever to are trying to have sex, you will divert your mind to these issues that you mentioned above. It is the very big reason of having. You heard that proverb that "never say never", it is right and it is what just in your case, you has the perception that you don't orgasm after sex that leads to this problem.
Don't be to much in thinking about these issue, just enjoy your life and be optimistic. Just think if you didn't orgasm today, you will get tomorrow, and you feel a change inside you.
If still you feel and experience the same, then check for better sex position which leads to better orgasm and try them, and the position that you discuss is one of the best sex position to get orgasm, that is the girl on the top.


Hope this will help you.

May 7, 2013 - 4:52am

Wow.. its almost as if our situations mirror each other! My son & husband ran into some health problems & my anxiety was unreal. My doctor prescribed me Celexa to ease my anxiety & poof! My sex drive depleated, orgasms disappeared, & I am only aroused AFTER the fact! LoL My husband is a very attractive man & luckily he is understanding as well! I will be asking my doctors if there is anything else I can do to help.

May 1, 2013 - 6:24pm
(reply to cooksandi_k)

Wow its so nice to hear I'm not the only one who's weird! LOL I'm really sorry about ur husband & ur son being sick,that would make anyone pull their hair out. Maybe they can switch ur anxiety pills to see if there is one that won't effect u like that. The odd thing about me is that I'm not on birth control or anything so I'm not sure what's going on w me.

May 2, 2013 - 10:07am
EmpowHER Guest

Try on new positions, explore various pleasure points. It's mainly about exploring and experimenting what's good and what's not. Try to watch kama sutra you can learn a lot from it. - J. Kale Flagg

April 28, 2013 - 7:05pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi EbethCuz,

Welcome to EmpowHER.  Sometimes,  stress and many other changes in a woman's live can cause a low sex drive.  You need to first see your healthcare provider to get blood work and check all hormones level in your body.  If that's fine, maybe seeing a sex therapist would help.



April 28, 2013 - 4:56pm
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