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Living with a depressed boyfriend

By December 29, 2010 - 8:21am
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I have been loving with my boyfriend for 7 months now. He has gone through minor depression episodes since we have been together. This recent one has been the worst yet.. He has withdrawn and does not want to have sex, which I understand. What I don't understand is why if he does not want to have sex with me he still wants to masturbate? I feel hurt and unwanted and it is killing me.. I am a very sexually active person and have no problem taking care of myself when needed, but now since we are going through this I don't even want to take care of me... Can someone shed some light on this cause it hurts me.....

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Hi Christine,
Thank you for the repsone.. I am in therapy, I started going again becuase of him.. He used to be in therapy too until his health insurance and unemployment ran out,.. I have suggested a new therapist through the county we live in that has a sliding scale but he has not looked into it... He also does not like meds but does like homeopathic forms so again I have suggested him taking homeopathic/herbal meds and he started taking some for the ADHD/ADD... I guess the part that hurts the most is I feel if he really wanted our relationship to work he would be willing to do more to help it... i am willing to ride this out for a bit, not sure how long though. It is hard when you love someone as much as I love him... I know I can't change him, I just want him to get help...

December 29, 2010 - 9:35am
(reply to shelly6)

Hi Shelly6,
Do you feel the therapy is helping you? No doubt being out of work can have a play in his well-being. Would he consider trying something different. I'm sure he feels stuck. You are a good person to stick with him through this, but if he continues to stagnate, you may need to decide when you need to get out for your own health and well-being. I'm sure you know that. We can't tell you what to do, but your therapist can help you figure out what you need and how you can work on making sure your health is being maintained. It may be helpful for you to also check out a group on EmpowHER to talk about these things with others who are going through similar situations. You can join a group already started, or start your own group about living with someone who is depressed, following your dreams, or whatever you want to talk about: EmpowHER Groups
Let us know how else we may be able to support you through this tough time. We are here to inspire and help you in our way.

December 29, 2010 - 9:45am

Hi Shelly6,
Thanks for your question and for finding EmpowHER. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know how living with a depressed person can wreck havoc on you own well-being. Has your partner undergone treatment for his depression episodes? Would he be willing to talk with a doctor or therapist to try to learn to cope with what's going on with him?
Aside from his mental health, what can you do to help yourself? Have you considered talking with a doctor or therapist to work through how his depression no doubt is affecting you? It may help. In the event that your partner is not willing to get treated? What are you prepared to do? You may need to do some soul searching and determine how invested you are in this relationship. You can't change him. He is his own person, and if he won't get help, you may need to decide when enough is enough for your own well-being. I know how it hurts. It sucks, to put it plainly.
Let us know what you think about that, and how you are doing.
Here is an article about depression I wrote recently, and our community about depression including articles and ASKs from other members:
Depression Advocacy Sheet, and Depression Community
Good luck and take care,

December 29, 2010 - 9:14am
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