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My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in many months, over six to be exact. We've been dating for over 2 years, he is 32 and I'm 25. I don't think he's cheating because he claims it's due the amount of stress he deals with at work. He recently got a promotion which requires him to travel 2-3 weeks per month which hasn't helped out our situation. Not to mention, he has also been drinking a lot lately, it used to be beer every night, now it's usually a couple glasses of hard liqueur every evening. What I don't understand is that he has the time and energy to work out in the morning and get all of his work done yet when it comes to bedtime, he has no time or energy for us to be intimate. We recently went on vacation and I thought for sure we'd be intimate but it didn't happen--he even turned off his phone and didn't check emails. I don't mean to be vain but I'm not fat or ugly by any means, I stay in shape and do everything in my power to try and keep our sex life spicy--ie, new lingerie pieces, try to initiate, etc. Am I missing something? Should I ask him to see a doctor or therapist? Or should I assume everything is fine with him considering he is only 32? Should I assume he's found someone else? I wouldn't be so concerned if I wasn't considering marrying him. Our sex life was so good in the beginning, I'm just so confused. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
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Hi Anon,
Stress can certainly lower a persons libido. The fact that he exercises every morning is actually a good thing for him if he feels so stressed out due to work. However, I'm not justifying no sex for 6 months-- that's way too long for a couple to go without sex. The thing is-- he seems like his life is work and then a couple of drinks at night (remember alcohol is a depressant) which will just put him to sleep. It seems like your boyfriend may not be ready to put enough time and energy into a relationship considering he has so much work to do and he's out of the state 2-3 weeks out of the month. If you're serious about your relationship then sit him down on the one day that he is in town and has the day off and lay it all out. Ask him if he is willing to dedicate some time to you because that's no relationship you have going on right now. It's best to bring this up now than to wait another two years only for him to tell you that this is how the rest of your life is going to be like if you stay with him.
Wishing you the best,
Rosa
July 18, 2011 - 6:37amThis Comment