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my boyfriend compliments me often but why doesnt his actions seem sexually attracted to me?

By May 24, 2010 - 11:01am
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I've been dating my boyfriend on&off now for almost a year.As you can tell from the on&off bit its been a rocky relationship.with a lot of stress but I don't think what happend lastnight had anything to do with that because we have been spending more time apart doing our own things and we have been getting along and having sex I'm sure not as often as he seems he would like but when we do its great&adventerous. You see I'm a professional bikini/lingire model I've never had trouble getting a mans attention. Until him granteed he is open that he doesn't like my profession he's still a guy. And it drives me nuts that I don't seem to drive him nuts unless we are in the act of having sex! It saddens me I feel more desired by strangers than the one man I allow to touch me and give my heart to. Lastnight we were having a great time I had just gotten out of the shower and fixed me hair and put on a little lipgloss and came out naked and asked him if hed rub lotion on me. He did so asif he was doing a job and had no sexuality behind it at all. But I didn't give up then I stood in front of him where he sat and started caressing myself and he didn't even look up! Then I gaveup and just threw on one of his ragadey old T-shirts and he instantly says "you look sexy." I was so upset I took off his ugly t-shirt! I'm so confused and feel so unappriciated that its killing my sex drive!please help!

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Of course it is possible where as I've learned not to rule anything out but I don't know I'm not sure I know he's hearts there the guy tattoed my name below his belt line after what happend when he was trying to show his devotion and was trying to get me back. He also moved almost instatntly into a new apartment as he said he wanted to start fresh and feel as comfortable as possible. He recently has began a close relationship with god and swears up and down whenever I ask him if he has seen her or spoke to her again. While he was lotioning me he told me later after I got upset that he wasn't into looking at me naked because lotioning me had desensitized me...whatever he meant there I can only guess. I used to turn him down a lot when we first got back together after what happend now it seems the other way around he only wants me when he knows its a sure thing. It bothers me so much because after what happend I question myself so much I want to be certain I'm the apple of his eye and I'm not so sure even though he always tells me that I'm the most beautiful woman he's been with & I know he loves me it still doesn't seem enough when push comes to shuv. I suppose he would go to conseling but if he is cheating and hasn't told me yet I doubt he will. When it first happend he told right away to my face I can only hope he would give me that respect again if something happend...

May 24, 2010 - 3:51pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi MadModel

Thanks for your post and welcome!

You may be confusing sensuality with sex. Regardless of how a woman looks on the outside, a man is attracted to a woman for many other reasons. A little bit of mystery, a little hold-back and a little bit of forwardness. Of course, as you say, we can't ignore the fact that most men like an attractive woman with a body to match!

I think what you do for a living is unimportant in terms of your attractiveness. I know men who are attracted to all sorts of women, and their looks don't have much to do with it, despite what the media would have us believe. All women, no matter how they look, have a certain "it" factor.

I understand exactly what you mean when you say strange men are attracted to you but your boyfriend isn't. And I think you nailed it right there!

You are giving your boyfriend the same thing that you are giving everyone else! He doesn't feel special!

Instead of doing the 'sexy' - do 'sensual'. Men love women in their t-shirts and shirts. He doesn't want the "lingerie model" that everyone else gets- he wants just YOU. He wants you to turn off all the charm that other men get from seeing you and turn on something that only he gets. And that may mean toning down all the other stuff and being his girl - wearing his t-shirt, hanging out with him, giving him a back rub (give him one instead of asking him to do it for you) and tell him that he's the only one on the world for you.

You said your relationship is only a year old, is on and off and has always been rocky? This is not a good sign at all. Can you tell us why the on-off status and what's making things rocky - after so short a period of time?

May 24, 2010 - 1:00pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

Well it pains me to say this but its because he cheated on me with his ex and since then things haven't been the same but we have been trying so hard to make things work

May 24, 2010 - 1:28pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to MadModel)

Wow, MadModel-

That's an awful lot of take on in the beginning of a relationship, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. You should have told us this in the beginning as it makes a lot of difference!

I think it's time to evaluate if this relationship is going to work. If your boyfriend cheated on you already and is now rejecting you sexually, his heart may not be in the relationship and he's using words (compliments) rather than actions to show you he cares. Those words are good but there does not seem to be follow-through.

There is also the possibility that he is cheating again. Do you suspect this?

MadModel, all relationships can be saved if both parties want it too. But i think you two really need some honest conversations if this is to work. Some couples counseling might a good idea too. Would he do that? It'll bring up the cheating again, so he may be resistant.

Stay strong, and let us know what you think.


May 24, 2010 - 1:38pm
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