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hi..
I'm 21 and my bf is also of the same age. we are in a relationship for 3 years now. he's amazing, he loves me so very much, he takes care of me. I too find him very attractive and i love him very much. he's like the guy i wanna marry and maybe i ll marry him too! i love him that much!
But the problem is he is not satisfying me in bed! The foreplay is good, he even goes down and he is very sweet. But when we start the real thing, he cant last long. He comes too soon. i have a huge sex drive and i'm really not satisfied. he can't last for even 3 mins! This upsets him very much and hence he never initiates sex. He gets so upset that he wouldn't even talk to me after that.
Because of this he wants to leave me. He wants to break up, he tells me that i deserve a better person who's better in bed and who can fulfill my desires. but i don't wanna leave him. as i said i'm so much in love with him and even considering the idea of marrying him. But he constantly says he wanna break up with me and this causes a lot of fights b/w us lately.
What should i do? please please help me! should we go see a doctor? This would definitely hurt him though and he ll break up with me for serious. Am really confused. Please help me out!
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Add a Comment5 Comments
Hello Anonymous,
The pain that you are feeling is evident in your words. It is apparent that you both love each other deeply.
I strongly suggest that your boyfriend seek medical advice. He is young and should be at his sexual peak. Discussing this problem with his physician could be beneficial.
Anonymous, why do you think talking with his doctor would hurt him? This is not such an uncommon problem. It is an issue that an internist or urologist could help him with. Finding the cause will lead to a solution. Why break up and end an otherwise good relationship over something that can be fixed?
Regards,
Maryann
November 5, 2013 - 5:16pmThis Comment
Oh thank you so much for your advice! I cannot talk about this to anyone and having someone to talk to about this is such a relief!!
Why i said seeking medical advice would hurt him is because he'll start to doubt himself. He feels that i'm superior to him in many other ways. We both are in same class and i'm the topper of the class whereas he still has some backlogs to be cleared. I excel at sports and other activities but he doesn't have interest in them. Also i'm very popular among professors and every person in college knows me. He thinks that i'm settling for him. He feels that i deserve a much better person in all these aspects but this sex thing seriously affects him. I tried convincing him, i told him he's the most important person in my life and i don't see any flaws in him and all that. But he doesn't seem convinced.
I think seeking medical advice would strongly affect his self-esteem. He's already vexed and i don't wanna make this worse by pointing out that something's wrong with him and we should go see a doctor. What should i do?
November 6, 2013 - 4:16amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
I am glad that you feel comfortable talking to me about this. I can appreciate that this is a very delicate and private situation, that you cannot discuss easily with someone.
I suspect that the root of your sexual problem lies in what you said about your boyfriend feeling inferior in comparison to you. This is the issue that you need to focus on.
If you really love your guy, you must put your feeling of not being sexually satisfied on the shelf, temporarily. Work hard at focusing on his assets, his interests and praise him, but sincerely. Don't focus on his sexual performance. Focus attention on him. Make him feel special. Boost his ego.
Keep in touch,
Maryann
November 6, 2013 - 6:18pmThis Comment
Thank again for your reply!
I've tried everything to make him feel better about himself. Nothing seems to work. This is affecting both our academics now. And the more backlogs he get, the more depressed he feels. He's avoiding me intentionally now. He's not calling me, not talking to me properly. He feels that if he ignores me i'll slowly move away from him. I've told him that it would never work. Even though he does all these for the sake of my happiness (so that i would leave him and be happy with another guy), i know very well that he misses me! Sometimes he hurts me so bad that i wanna curl up and cry all night!
In spite of all these I've never felt the need to leave him. I'm trying my best to cheer him up, to encourage him but everything seems to fail. i never force him to have sex with me. So there's no pressure from my side. But I've put aside my feelings of not being sexually satisfied for almost three years now! I wanna help him so much but at the same time am feeling so frustrated about not being able to have good sex!
What do you think i should do?
November 7, 2013 - 6:08amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
A person can only be helped if he recognizes that a problem exists, admits that there is a problem, and most importantly, wants help or wants to correct the problem.
I am very concerned when you mention that your boyfriend is becoming increasingly depressed. Low self-esteem will negatively affect his academic performance, overall health, and social relationships.
For now, maybe you need to back off. A brief period of separation may be necessary. But, if he is prone to depression, you will need to keep an eye on his well being, maybe through his friends.
Anonymous, is there a health service or counseling center on campus? Speaking with a trained counselor may help both of you.
Maryann
November 7, 2013 - 5:26pmThis Comment