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Cary Cook BSN RN

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ask: My boyfriend wants to make love to me

By Auka17
 
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My boyfriend who is 21 wants to make love to me and I am 19 year old female. We have prader willi syndrome I can have children by having more estrogen and getting on the pill, but I do want to also to make love to him to, It is just that i want to see him , but I don't think my mom will let me because of how moms are. I'll probably come back pregnant, but I need to be on the estrogen pill to start my period and my mom said that I can still have children from reading on line. So making love does it have to be like having sex? Is that what he means right? He lives with his mom and his stepdad and so do I. Can you or should I say can I still get pregnant when I still have eggs in my ovarries and ovalating inside me, but have estrogen and need more because they don't have enough. Since I need to be on the estrogen pill to have my period or do I need to have a period to get pregnant? Do you have to have your period to get pregnant to have children because I really want to have children of my own and it is looking like my boyfriend he wants to do the same since he said he wants to make love to me?

Add a Comment8 Comments

Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Auka,

Never, ever have sex until you are ready - that means physically, emotionally and every other way.
If your boyfriend is now expecting sex, make sure he knows you thought he meant "make out" not "make love". If he accidentally said "make love" then explain to him what that actually means!

If he tells you he has no diseases, then always use a condom anyway! Always use a condom! He may not be telling you the truth (no matter how honest he is/seems) and he may not know he has a disease or an infection. Just because someone says something, does not mean it's true. Please never have unprotected sex like this, make sure he is fully tested in a clinic for STDs and that you see the results on an official piece of paper. Too many young women get diseases because their boyfriends 'promised' them they were disease-free.

You say that you're not ready for sex so that's great to know and stick to your guns. Don't focus on the make-love versus make-out thing. If he meant sex, then tell him you misunderstood and are not ready. If he doesn't know make-love means sex, then tell him!

Good for you for asking the smart questions, Auka!

July 19, 2010 - 1:36pm
Auka17 (reply to Susan Cody)

Susan my boyfriend and I both have prader willi syndrome, but you can still get and STD right I f you have sex right. No matter what condition you have right. He told me that he doesn't have anything, but IF someone can't have children, but they still have sex you can still get and STD right.

July 20, 2010 - 7:04am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Auka17)

Auka,

Anyone can get an STD, from any age - a teen to an old person of 99!

All it takes is sexual contact and anyone can get it regardless of their health, any conditions that they may have, or how healthy they think they are.

Take your time and make sure you read up as much as you can about sexually transmitted diseases. Take a look at our STD page here: http://www.empowher.com/condition/sexually-transmitted-diseases

July 20, 2010 - 12:31pm
Auka17 (reply to Susan Cody)

Well that's good to know Susan, but were so in loved. Should I be scared or maybe nervous If my boyfriend doesn't like the decision that I make because he sounded like It's not a good time to do It know while I'm still in school, but why would you think that he would say to me a few days later that he can't wait to do It Susan. What do you think Susan? I need answers please.

July 20, 2010 - 6:45pm
Alison Beaver

Hi Auka17,

One important key in your relationship is...communication! If you ask a million people what their definition of "making love" is and "having sex", you would receive a million different responses about the details. If you are planning to be physically intimate with your boyfriend, and he with you, it is imperative that you both FIRST feel comfortable enough with each other to talk about what he means by "making love", and what do you want to do? You seem to be more concerned with doing what he wants you to do...and I want to make sure that YOU also want to "make love" or "have sex" with your boyfriend.

Usually when someone says "make love", they mean they want to have penis-to-vagina intercourse. There are so many different definitions of "sex" as I mentioned above, but the typical response is that "making love" and "having sex" involve intercourse.

You mentioned that "we" have prader willi syndrome, does that mean both you and your boyfriend? Depending on the severity, the sex organs of males and females can be underdeveloped, and only a doctor can tell you if you are able to conceive or not. It sounds like you have been told that you are able to have children with the addition of hormones. Are you currently having menstrual periods? You mentioned that you ovulate, correct?

If you do not want to become pregnant now, you need to talk with your boyfriend about birth control. If you have even the slightest chance of becoming pregnant without additional hormones, you must use birth control and not have "unprotected sex", as there is a risk of pregnancy. A condom is a great birth control, as it is relatively inexpensive, accessible (can be bought at any drugstore/pharmacy, grocery store, convenience store) and easy to use. If this is your boyfriend's first time using a condom, he should practice putting a condom on and off a few times before having sex with you.

Does this answer all of your questions?

July 18, 2010 - 7:33pm
Auka17 (reply to Alison Beaver)

Yes this does answer all of my questions a lot thank you. No I am not currently having a menstrual periods, and yes I do ovulate because I do have eggs in my ovarries waiting to develope as children, but I don't have enough hormons. So I need more estrogen and my doctors want to put me on the estrogen pill so that I can start my menstrual periods. So then I can have a more possibility to have children, but my boyfriend and I met somewere were they specialize in prader will syndrome in Pittsburg Pensylvania. Yes we both have prader will he is 21 and I am 19. We had time to do something together there, but didn't happened and I told him on the phone that we could make it happen. He reminded me that I'm still in school and I said yea I am, but I am still in high school and have to stay another year before going to college. My boyfriend is 21 not in college, but working and we miss each other. He misses me so baad and he can't wait to make love to me, but neither can I wait and making love. Making love does he mean making out like just kissing or what. Yes I do want to make love to my boyfriend and have sex, but don't understand. Please write back. Thank you.

July 19, 2010 - 8:13am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Auka17)

Hi Auka

"Making love" means having sex. "Making out" means kissing and limited foreplay.

Auka, you are in charge of your own body and at 19, it is certainly your own choice to have sex or not.

But make sure you are ready from an emotional standpoint because if you are not aware enough to understand about sexuality and what is what, in terms of sex, you may get hurt.

Make sure you clearly know what you are going to do when with your boyfriend. If he wants sex, then he has to make that clear. I would hate to think that you were ready for kissing and somehow got caught up in sexual activity that you were not ready for. Take your time.

Also, aside from being in the pill, or getting estrogen supplements, you will need to use condoms. This is a reliable method of birth control and will also protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Make sure you know all about this before you become sexually active.

If you are still in high school and living at home, and your Mom does not want you having sex, you have to talk to her. You are old enough to make these decisions alone but she may have valuable information for you. Sneaking sex behind her back is no way to live. Some honest communication is needed here. I don't think she is doing this just to be bossy; I think she has legitimate concerns. All I'd suggest is to simply listen to what your mother has to say- most mothers have really good advice and I think she has your best interests at heart.

Let me know what you think, Auka!
~Susan

July 19, 2010 - 11:41am
Auka17 (reply to Susan Cody)

Hi Susan
I'm glad to know that making love and making out are two diffrent things, but I thought that they were the same things or even similar even. So making love means having sex right and is that what my boyfriend means because we had time to do more than just kiss when we met and I was like we still could do that in making that happen, but I'm still in school he had reminded me and a few days later we told each other on the phone that we miss each pther badley, and we can't wait to see each other. Then he said he misses me so much and can't wait to hold me in his arms and make love to me, and I can't wait to do the same I told him. I know that I'm 19 and I can make my own decisions by myself and still living with my mother, and my mothers advise, but I'm not ready to have sex right now. He knows that I'm in school when he reminded me that and sounded like we couldn't do anything right now as of yet, but then the other day when we talked he said that he can't wait to see me, he misses me, he can't wait to hold me, and he can't wait to make love to me, and I said the same. But know I don't know I'm confused now. I've also was in a big tridition with just a group of girl and had a ceremony about it to end with it, and just teaching us to get ready for the real world and women hood. Also talked to us about the birds and the bees. The boys things. So I don't think that I'm ready. I am, but I mean like not right now. Not just as yet. Like we both lover each, and like want to get married someday and all of that, but I'm afraid or should I be If I tell him that I'm not ready when he sounded like It's not a good time to do it, but then he said. I don't know what. I don't know what to do. We do want to spend the rest of our life with each other though. That's how much we love each other like that. Just like that. I do know about the STD'S Sexual Transmitted Deseases and I've asked him If he had any of that and he said no. So that is good right so If I actually am ready to have sex without a condom then I know that I wouldn't have to worry about catching anything from him right?
Thank you! I reall apreciate it.
Please write back Susan!

July 19, 2010 - 1:31pm
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