Anonymous
my partner of l8 years refuses to discuss our sex problems
August 13, 2009 - 11:12am
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we have been through councling twice but every time we get to why sex is not happing she changes the subject over and over to a void why this is not comming about she is not shy she will walk around in the nude or sit right down and kiss me while she is naked but when i try to direct it towards making love she will go to the phone in advoidance or wash dishes or strike up a conversation about work or other people then its time to go to bed or sleep. or I have to get a money order I don't know how to approach this situation we both really love each other but there is definately some trama she refuses to do sexual councleing , I don't know how to approach her so I am not intimidating. Please help
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I'm sorry you are having this difficulty in your long-term relationship. Can I ask a few more clarification questions?
1. You have been partners together for 18 years, and I'm wondering if you have ever had intercourse? If yes, what has changed throughout the years?
2. Do you know if your partner has experienced a sexual trauma, such as rape or incest? (or, are you just assuming?). Do you know if the sexual trauma was perpetuated by a male or female; a family/friend or stranger? And, are you male or female?
3. Can you tell us more about the counseling? I can not imagine a good counselor letting your partner change the subject without either stopping the sessions or your partner refusing to continue counseling. Was counseling effective in other ways? What did you learn from counseling? I assume if your partner would not discuss the topic of sex in any way, that the counselor provided you with some suggestions?
Lastly, I'm wondering what you have tried in terms of communicating with your partner? Are you physically intimate in other ways, and the only thing that she is uncomfortable with is vaginal intercourse? Is there enough emotional and physical intimacy between you two, or are there other ways in which your partner is withdrawing or holding back in the relationship?