Not really a health question but....

By tami4784 June 19, 2009 - 8:39am

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So I have been overweight for about 3 years now. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years. He has never showed the slightest concern with my weight, he is always the one initiating sex, always hugging kissing touching. He is always supportive when I attempt to lose weight, evne though I always end up stopping. We had an issue about a year ago where for some reasons his best friend decided that he disliked me because of my weight and basically was telling my boyfriend he could do much bett, my boyfriend told me he could care less what anyone else thinks and he wanted to be with me. So now a year later yesterday he starts telling me out of nowhere that if i loved him i would lose weight for him because other people talk about him behind my back for being with me, and peoplw wont respect him because of me, i felt completey attacked. He kept saying since you wont do it for yourself do it for me. He knows I am unhappy with myself and want to lose weight but I always seem to fail or quit. Well I broke up with and moved out last night....Im just curious as to what anyone else thinks was I too quick in leaving? I just felt so hurt and attacked, and he kept saying he was attracted to me and loved me and begged me not to go but yet he wanted me to agree to lose weight so other people wouldnt make fun of him and so on. He said he wanted the girl he fell in love with...
im just looking for some other opinions...

thanks

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Empowered

Alison Beaver

Thank you for sharing your story, and the difficult decision that you had to make. I thought you might be interested in these additional stories and resources, that affirm your decision to surround yourself with people who are positive, bring you joy and love you for who you are:

- Story about Self-Esteem (you have accomplished many of these "self-esteem boosters", which hopefully feels empowering)

- About-Face: Making Changes

Please let me know your reactions, if you have a chance to read through these sites!

June 21, 2009 - 7:28am

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Angelica

Tami,
I'm really sorry to hear about what has happened and how hurt you are feeling. I believe you did the right thing by moving out and know it wasn't easy. Sounds like you really love him and he loves you too - he's just messed up and way to concerned about what others are saying or think. I don't agree with what he's done to you and the stipulations on his love based on your weight. I agree with rlyons, if you're gonna lose weight do it for you!!! I've struggled with my weight for a few years now and know it's not easy. You'll do it when you're ready. Take one day at a time, things will work out for the best.
Hang in there and let me know how you're doing.
Angelica

June 20, 2009 - 11:07pm

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Anonymous

I think this is the best idea you've ever had. He probably messed up in the past too! I hope you find someone better. He sucks. So do his friends and co workers. Get a boob job and get over it.

June 19, 2009 - 8:09pm

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rlyons

I think that you were right to move out. It isn't fair to put this amount of pressure on someone over their weight and "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds"!
It is especially unkind for your boyfriend to want you to to loose weight because his friends are judging him! What kind of people is he friends with and what does this say about him!?
I believe that you were brave and strong to move out and you were right not to agree to loose weight for him.If you ever choose to loose the weight, it should be for you. You seem to respect yourself and this will take you far. You will meet someone who loves you the way you are and who doesn't try to change you. He sounds immature and somewhat controlling.
You will be fine.

June 19, 2009 - 11:03am