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sex and my husband of 7yrs

By Anonymous January 21, 2011 - 7:55am
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Been married for 7 yrs and have had sex like 5 times. It all started on our honeymoon, he told me he was not in the mood and since then that has been the story. Funny thing is that whenever he wants to have a baby he is ok and able to make love but once i conceive he shuts. He doesn't even come to bed until i am asleep and he wakes up early before do and just sits watching television. He won't make any effort to change things and i'm tired. what could be wrong?. He is such a good father to the babies and a good provider for everything but not for anything personal that concerns me there he is aloof.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your question and I'm sorry you are in such a loveless marriage. There could be any number of reasons why he won't have sex with you, other than to procreate.

1. Religious reasons. Some religions state that sex is for procreation only, rather than recreation. Could this be the case with him?
2. He wants children but does not want a sexual relationship with a woman. He'll have sex as long as it leads to children but that's where it ends.
3. He may be having sex on his own or with another person and prefers it that way.

And the list could go on and on. His reason is not physical so at least that is ruled out. I think you need to stop having babies with him as of now. You're being used as an incubator. It's wonderful that he has a good relationship with the babies but you need love too. And as your kids get older, they'll sense pretty quickly that something's not right in the family and kids shouldn't have to grow up in a home with that kind of atmosphere.

If he will go to marriage therapy, then that's what you need. If not, then this is obviously how he wishes to live and he has made his choice. Now you have to make your choice to stay in this marriage or leave for something better.

All relationships can be saved if both parties want to save it so don't give up on him yet. However, it seems like everything given is by you and everything taken is by him. Tell him the marriage is not working as it is (and you are under no obligation to live like this!) and you both need to get help to figure things out. He may surprise you and agree!

Please let us know how it goes and our best to you-

January 21, 2011 - 1:45pm
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