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Why is his sexual desire waning when our relationship is deepening?

By July 28, 2009 - 5:25pm
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I have been with my boyfriend now for six months. In the beginning I was the one more open and ready for a relationship. He was more reluctant. It seems that in the beginning he was more interested in sex than now. He is 55 and I am 48. Our relationship has deepened and now I find that I am the one initiating more and he is less interested. It is often frustrating for me. I asked him today if everything was okay between us and he said yes. He said that now that he has more feelings for me he doesn't "just" want to have sex all the time, but wants it to be more of a meaningful encounter !! I am sort of stumped by his answer, as I don't know if he isn't being completely honest with me or that its something else !!??? He has become more emotionally warm and he is very affectionate...but I don't understand his seeming withdrawal sexually. We are only having sex about once or twice a week (and I am using sex toys to relieve tension in between). I am concerned since we are still in the "honeymoon' stage of our relationship and fear that it will only get worse as time goes on. I am not even sure how to handle the situation without hurting his feelings and making him feel bad. I care about him so much and our relationship and I want this to work..Help!!

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EmpowHER Guest

Passion 8,

I have been going through the same issues. I read somewhere that women with higher sex drives than their men should remember "quality not quantity". it could be that he just wants the experience to be more than just "sex". don't know if this will help, just wanted to state my opinion.

January 23, 2010 - 12:52am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

I tend to agree with the others above. I don't really see a "situation" that needs to be handled! What situation? A man who makes love to his woman twice a week and who is very warm, affectionate and getting more emotionally involved with her is a dream!

By all means use whatever means you need to relieve tension, that is perfectly fine! But I would suggest that instead of going at him about this "problem" that you have, thank him for his treatment of you and tell him how much you love his love-making. Men at age 55 do lose some of their sex drive and it has nothing to do with his love for his mate - it's a biological issue due to a rather dramatic drop in his testosterone levels.

Two people with two different sex drives need to compromise, not insist that one pleases the other, no matter what. He may need to "get romantic" maybe one more night a week and you need to be happy with the wonderful man you have and not make him feel inadequate that he no longer has the sex drive he had when he was 18.

He seems like an all-round winner - enjoy what you have and compromise when you have to!

January 23, 2010 - 7:50am

I'm going to suppose that, at your ages, you've both already had previous relationships. I suggest you just back off a bit and give the man some space. Personally, it sounds like you're not really listening to what he's telling you. There's more to a caring and loving relationship than sex.

Think about it. If your relationship is meant to last, you two WILL communicate and find the balance between you.

July 28, 2009 - 7:34pm
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