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young couple, serious relationship, little to no sex

By June 28, 2010 - 3:49pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now, he's 21 and I'm 22. We've lived together for a year and a half. We very rarely have sex, maybe on e every other week, and I'm initiating it 98% of the time. I started feeling like something was wrong with me, maybe my sex drive was too high or maybe he wasn't as attracted to me as he used to be. When we first started having sex (we are each others first) it was frequent, at least 3 times a week, but I was still doing the majority of the initiating. I've tried to talk to him about it, letting him know how it makes me feel unwanted and that I'm scared we might be losing the passion and intimacy that we had. I asked him if he felt he needed more, or if something was wrong, with either him or me, but he says there's nothing. He says he's still very attracted to me, but that he doesn't think about sex often or feel aroused often. I told him that we could try new things, that maybe this would help, but he says its him. He admits that he knows he's not being the best partner and not giving me what he knows I deserve, but he can't explain why he's doing it/not doing it, and he continues to ignore me physically. I don't know what more to say or do. I love him and want to be with him, but I honestly cannot take this kind of rejection and not feel wanted in a relationship. What can I do to help us get through this?

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EmpowHER Guest

Thank you for your question.

The first thing is a lot of times in long term relationships, sex does sort of deplete in a sense. We get comfortable, maybe don’t think we need to do this anymore or that anymore about the special things like we used to…whatever the case, we change. You are 22 years old and have been together 5 years already? Congratulations! That’s a long term relationship for being so young.

The most most most important thing about any relationship is communication. Are you unhappy about your sex life? Yes. Have you spoken to him? Yes. Did you like the answer? No. Ok, now here is the tricky part. In every relationship, we must compromise. Talk to him again with an open mind and think to yourself (I don’t have to agree with what he wants but I do have to understand his wants and needs)! Does that make sense? If your sex drive is higher then his, that is not his problem, right? Compromise!

He can also put in more effort in the bedroom but might enjoy your initiation; he may be more of a submissive type instead of the aggressor! Talk to him with an open mind not thinking you will always get your way! As women, we always want OUR WAY. It may open your eyes to different possibilities.

Can you keep us posted?

June 30, 2010 - 11:20am
(reply to Anonymous)

Thanks for the advice! And I'll be sure to post again after our next talk.

July 1, 2010 - 6:28am
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