The first few years of becoming a parent can be the best years, but it can also be the most trying. This is the point where the strength of the relationship between the married couple will be tested. Becoming a parent is not easy, especially if a couple did not prepare for it. Others carefully plan for it and have little difficulty with starting a family. The first three years will be the most demanding of all the stages in many ways; however, some parents will always remember those years as the best years. This is not to say that the other stages will not be as good, it is just that the first three years are the most unique time of parenting in a number of ways.
When a baby is first born, it is completely depended on its parents for everything. During the first four months when the baby is referred to as a newborn, they do little but eat and sleep. They are not yet strong enough to even try crawling around. They can move their heads, but will be unable to hold their head off their pillow for a very long length of time and will only be able to move around with the help of their mother or father. After these first four months, the baby will grow rapidly until it becomes a toddler at about the age of three. Seeing this growth is really an amazing thing; especially when one considers how small the individual was when it was first born and then sees how far it has come in no more than three years.
While there will be many moments of enjoyment during these years, they can also take their toll on the parents. Babies don’t have a fixed eating or sleeping schedule. They will need to be fed on a regular basis and while they will sleep a lot, they have a tendency to wake up at odd times. It is during this time that the marriage can become strained because the baby will demand much of the mother’s attention while the husband can feel neglected, or the parents can stand up to the challenge and work at it together. These first few years can easily be turned into something that will strengthen the marriage, more so for parents who properly prepared themselves for the baby. The demands of the baby can be a lot, but they will not keep up forever. The parents will need to work together to ensure that the baby gets what it needs, but they also need to remember that they will need some alone time together. When the baby gets older and less dependent, they will be easier to leave with a babysitter, like a family member or close friend, and the parents can go out for some time together.
The first few years of parenting will often be easier the second time around, but for couples who are doing it for the first time, it can seem like too much to handle. Consulting a family online therapist can be a saving grace for couples new to parenting and even couples who have been through it before. Online counselors are also available for convenience through online therapy. The online family therapist can work with the parents through online counseling to sort out a schedule that can bring some order to the apparent chaos for the parents, and they can help with any other problems the parents might have.
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What a great topic to discuss. I could talk about this for days... :-)
I guess the best way to deal with the first year of the baby's life is to know that it gets easier: your child will eventually sleep through the night, will eventually feed him/her self, and what helped me was my son's first real social smile (not the gas smile...ha ha). The first 2 months were actually the worst, and I remember thinking: can't I just get a signal, like a smile or something, to know that you appreciate me being up with you every 2-3 hours for 45-60 minutes each time?!
The other way the first year is doable is that infants actually do sleep a lot during the day. When I realized I could still get 6 hours of sleep (just not all-at-once), life became easier. Maternity time-off from work was essential for me, as well as joining a mom's club to get the emotional support from other sleep-deprived, scared and hormonal moms!
My marriage was at its highest during those trying first months, as it seemed we were both on a "baby high" and gave our son (and all the home and work responsibilities) 120%. We both put in all we had, for those few months, which then let the other one, in a more weakened state of the moment, some breathing room. We each had a "night off" each week, which was much-needed relief and "me time".
I can't wait to read other's stories!
October 11, 2008 - 4:54pmThis Comment