In December of 2009, my good friend Missy experienced what no woman ever wants to experience, she had a miscarriage at 15 weeks into a pregnancy thought to be bringing her second child. Here is her story she has decided to share with all of us:
What happened that made you go to the hospital?
We rushed to the ER late that Thursday night the week before Christmas because I was bleeding heavily. I was there until around 3am and then was released to go home and rest. We thought the bleeding was improving, but after my exam, we were told my cervix was already open slightly.
I decided to go home because we were pretty much told what was happening will either end in miscarriage or not and really couldn’t be prevented. I went home and tried to sleep but then had to rush to the doctor again about 7:30am on Friday because the bleeding got bad again.
Friday morning at the doctor’s office I ended up miscarrying. I was glad it happened when I wasn’t alone and the doctors were there to help.
What happened when you miscarried?
I simply felt a lot of pressure and bleeding again walking toward the front desk as we were leaving to go to a sonogram appointment they lined up for us because they couldn’t fit us in to the doctor’s schedule. I rushed to the restroom and that is where it happened. I yelled for a nurse or anyone (my husband was waiting in the lobby and couldn’t hear me). My doctor came down and helped with it; the whole thing was so surreal. The worst part was I saw the fetus, and it broke my heart.
What happened afterward?
We were heartbroken, but we know in our hearts that there was a reason out of our control why it happened and there wasn’t anything anyone could do.
The doctor decided to send the fetus for genetic or chromosome testing to see if they could find any indicators of what exactly happened. Since I was almost 15 weeks along, they think it was a genetic issue with the baby that just caused it to stop developing. The test ended up being inconclusive, which was hard to work through emotionally.
Was this your first miscarriage?
I also had a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy prior to giving birth to my daughter who is now 22 months old, but I wasn’t nearly as far along. That happened when I was only a few weeks pregnant so it didn’t hurt as much emotionally, I think because I didn’t feel as strong an attachment as I did being further along.
What was the hardest part of this miscarriage?
This time was unbearable because at this point I was showing which made it even more real and we were able to hear a heartbeat in the ER. That was hard to experience because it got our hopes up that all would turn out for the best.
What would you want to say to another woman experiencing miscarriage?
It's such a scary thing, and you initially believe you have 1 in a million odds it will happen to you, but in reality, it's unfortunately an experience many of us have to go through. As for me, in our neighborhood subdivision I found two wonderful friends within 50 yards of my front door who shared their own experience with miscarriage. Both handled it in their own personal way that they knew how. In an even stranger way, it makes you feel more connected knowing they went through it too.
When it happens to you, it’s hard to not question everything, you think, “Was it me? What did I do wrong?” I doubted my health, my stress and wanted to know who to blame for it, and even questioned my faith. Those things I don't want to doubt again. I know I took care of myself and know I shouldn't blame God, but it’s still hard.
I admit I still get emotional when I see mothers walking happily at the mall with their infant carriages or when I see a toddler and an infant and think, that was supposed to be our family in June.
What happened is still painful, but I just remind myself we conceived once before and there is hope. I feel like my odds of successful "baby making" are horrible and it's hard not to put the blame on myself, but even with eating right, being careful and lots of prayer, some things just don't turn out as expected.
How have you moved forward since your miscarriage?
What keeps us going is we are blessed a beautiful, smart, loving daughter whom is our world. She has helped us to keep things in perspective. We need to just appreciate each other as we are with the three of us, and when it’s our time, if it’s meant to be we will hopefully be blessed with a little sister or brother for her in the future.
Do you have questions about miscarriage? Visit EmpowHER’s miscarriage page. Become a member, post a question, be connected with us and feel EmpowHERed!
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