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The Phenomenon of a Disappearing Libido, Continued

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There’s another huge reason why many women experience a decrease in libido: excessive cleaning. According to LiveScience, “having a husband creates an extra seven hours of housework each week for women, according to a new study. For men, tying the knot saves an hour of weekly chores.”

Although this study only applies to married couples, one can only speculate on the results of a similar study done on those who co-habitate.

There’s no question that women feel taken advantage of when they clean up after their partners and children. Feelings of resentment rarely lead to sexual desire for a woman perpetually engaged in domestic labor.

In addition, the LiveScience study notes that “with more than three kids, wives took on more of the extra work, clocking about 28 hours a week compared with husbands' 10 hours.” That means that mothers are even more at a disadvantage in this area.

The point of my two articles on decreased libido is not to demonize men, husbands, or fathers. It can be very difficult for men to understand the toll that this takes on a woman's libido. Many men believe that if women choose to take part in beauty rituals or housecleaning chores, they must like it to some extent - or at least get some type of satisfaction out of it.

What I want to communicate is that, when searching for a solution for a disappearing libido, we need to alleviate the responsibility put on women to get better by changing something about themselves. You are just fine the way you are. You know you are a vibrant, healthy, sexual being! It is not your fault if you don't feel like doing it all the time.

Early feminist Rebecca West once said that “I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” Sacrificing your sexuality for your beauty and cleanliness is not fair, and you shouldn't have to choose between being feminine and being sexually fulfilled.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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