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The Guilt of Secondary Infertility

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I am such a blog cruiser....and this morning I found Lisa Belkin of The New York Times - Motherlode - Adventures in Parenting.

I have always enjoyed Lisa Belkin. As I searched her blog and read a little bit of this and a little bit of that, I came across a piece by a guest blogger entitled "The Guilt of Secondary Infertility". It's a good read and I recommend it.

You know, it’s no surprise that secondary infertility is on the rise. It is mostly about how late we women start building our families. And we can't count on reproductive medicine to deliver babies with our own eggs if our own eggs have aged out of the reproductive life cycle. If we have our first baby at 36 and then wait a few years to have number two, our bodies sometimes wonder what we have been thinking! Many of us manage to come up with one good egg at 40, only to be shocked that at 42 no one is home.

There’s no easy answer to any of this. And those of us into fertility advocacy are trying all kinds of ways to reach out to women about reproductive aging. Just the other day I told a midwife in NJ, "Tell your thirty-something moms to freeze their eggs so that they have good ones for number two!"

We joked about the timing of delivering that news to a pregnant woman. Do you do it while she is pushing out her baby or in the throes of morning sickness? There seems like no good time.....but that is how it is.

There is a special guilt that comes along with secondary infertility, whether it is through Mother Nature’s design, or secondary infertility that can occur as it did for me after my initial success with IVF. First there was a feeling that I already got my miracle and that I was greedy for wanting more. What about all of the people that were still waiting for their first miracle?

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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