I stumbled upon a fertility blog that I had not read before with a very cute title "Baby Smiling In Back Seat: or that's the goal anyway!" where the author (couldn't find her name in the "about me" section) was discussing the proper etiquette of discussing infertility and babies with a person experiencing infertility. She had picked up on a dialog in Melissa Ford's blog on Blogher "What To Say to Those Experiencing Infertility" - and was continuing the conversation and offering her own thoughts. I loved these two blogs - and I have nothing more to add on the subject except some true confessions of my own and a bit of historical memory.
When it was me going through infertility, there was nothing anyone could say that worked. I was one raw, overly sensitive, emotional time bomb waiting to go off. It wasn't pretty. And yes - it would have been good if my doctor hadn't commented on how puffy I looked after my Pergonal cycle (Just mentioning Pergonal as a fertility drug let's you know how old I am - I bet you have never even heard of it). And yes - it would have been wonderful if my mother in law had not suggested that I create and run the baby shower for my sister in law (I did it) - and if my pharmacist hadn't said to me when I picked up the seventh refill of my fertility medication prescription, "I guess this isn't working for you...." (I cried after that one for about a week). Yeah - if all of that hadn't happened - it would have been nice!
What has not been talked about is that some of the rules of the road have changed when it comes to infertility manners. Now remember - I have been at this a long time. I was a mere child of 24 when I jumped on the infertility roller coaster - and started volunteering for RESOLVE NYC. Let's say (just to be kind) that this was about 20 years ago. Back then - and until fairly recently - we infertile people had lots of rules about what was acceptable behavior and what was not.