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The Pain of Infertility: What We Can Learn By Not Running Away

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Lately, I have gotten all spiritual and new age here at The Fertility Advocate! It's just that I have gotten way more comfortable with you and way more open. I hope that you have liked that! And there is a very deeply spiritual side of me, and I got there with teachers. Many of whom I have never met!

We all have teachers. Sometimes, our teachers are found in the traditional places, such as in school. Teachers can be found in our daily lives, such as our families, or friends, or from various thought leaders in our society. Our life experiences can also be great teachers for us, such as living through a life crisis such as infertility. One of my most pivotal teachers, is a woman that I have never met, but I have listened to her voice for hours on my iPod. Her name if Pema Chodron, and she is a Buddhist Nun who has authored many books. One of my favorites is called "When Things Fall Apart."

There is a fabulous interview with Pema Chodron on Oprah's website where she touches upon some of the basic principles of her teachings. My favorite teaching, and one that I always come back to, is the power of staying with uncomfortable feelings and uncomfortable situations.

So many of us try to run away and drown our feelings; we want to escape them. We don't like that awful crunching feeling in our bellies or the tightening of our throats. So many of us would do anything to avoid those feelings and we try to drown them out in many ways such as using food, drugs, drinking, shopping, or even becoming argumentative and depressed. What Pema teaches is that by viewing painful feelings or emotions as something that can actually bring us closer to the truth than something to be avoided, that we could change the trajectory of our lives.

What Pema is teaching is that when things feel like they are falling apart - like a failed pregnancy attempt - instead of running from the pain, try to stay with it. Truly feel it. Trying to look at the "bright side" may not be helpful.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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