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Lightening Up for a Healthy Relationship

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We are so convinced we are "right" that we are shaking, quaking and quivering, our eyes watery, our fight or flight responses kicking in, our desire to do damage to our significant other, ourselves or the dog just about rearing its ugly head - either that or we'd like to slam out of the house and never come back.

Well, what's the solution?

There really isn't one, per se; relationships are wonderful and can be extremely difficult at times.

One way of letting go of some of these reactions, however, is to lighten up. You can lighten up by trying out not needing to be right or at least to prove your position all the time. What will it really cost you, in the end, if you give the rope a bit during a tug of war andlet your partner win, even if it means you may tumble to the ground? Won't you get back up? Could it be possible that you may even have a laugh about it in the long run?

As sad or "dark" as it may seem to think of the fact that we really are dust in the wind, there is an upside to this mentality. Not that you should divorce yourself from caring about the details of your every day life, but perhaps you can invest just a tad less meaning in them, so that they don't run your show and twist you into an emotional pretzel, under stress, without a clue as to how to unknot your current configuration.

It's a kind of joviality in which being late sometimes is not cause for panic, washing the dishes later instead of right now is okay, and imperfection is embraced instead of shunned and scorned.

This is not to say that seeking betterment is not something to strive for; we all want to improve ourselves, our health, our relationships and our family lives. But by lightening up, you may be giving yourself a gift.

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HERWriter Guide

Geez, Amy, the first few words of your article made me thinking this was "98 Ways to Have a Great Orgasm - NOW!!" tease from a magazine cover!

I very much agree with your sentiments. We (and I mean women) over-analyze things to death, anymore. If something doesn't have an underlying (and it better be cryptic!) meaning, we're so unhappy that we'll make one up!

It's a bit like the song from the Scottish group Garbage:

"I'm only happy when it rains...
I'm only happy when it's complicated."

Let's look at the bigger picture, know that there is more to the world than just us and stop basking in our self-importance.

Have a laugh with our spouses, make jokes and tease a little. In other words, always remember to remain your husband's girlfriend, after you become his wife.

Same with our kids (ok, not the girlfriend part) but just lightening up. See the funny in things we can't control and no more insisting that everyone "gets us" and how we work. I still don't "get" my husband half the time, but hey, it's works out. My kids? No clue at all as to what they're about - and.....somehow it works out too!

Great article, as always!


July 17, 2010 - 10:48am
(reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks, Susan! I agree with you - we don't always have to "get it" to make light of it either!

You're very funny and I'll have to go listen to that Garbage song immediately -

Take care!

July 24, 2010 - 8:03am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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