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Are You Good In Bed?

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A few years ago, while enjoying an afternoon at Barnes & Noble, I passed a display of books on a neatly organized free-standing shelf. There was one title that caught my eye immediately, “Good In Bed.” I stopped in curiosity at the display and after quickly glancing around me, picked up the book with the interesting title.

I would later find out that “Good In Bed,” a wonderful and funny novel by Jennifer Weiner, was indeed a good read but had nothing to do with educating its readers about how to be good in bed. But the very idea of it led me to wonder, “Doesn’t everyone wonder if they are good in bed?”

There is the famous comment that John Mayer made about one of his previous girlfriends, Jessica Simpson, when he compared having sex with her to being like a drug for him. When I heard that, I wondered what things she was possibly doing. Although I can imagine the comment was embarrassing for her, I also thought that it was not the worst thing in the world to hear that your encounters were so incredibly addictive and irresistible that someone couldn't help talking about it. It could have been worse. He could have said the opposite.

So how do you know? How many women, and probably men, wonder if they are giving their partners the best dance at the ball? If you are having a good time, is it a sure thing that your partner is too? How do you make sure that your sexual relationship stands the test of time while work, family and life all create barriers to stand in the way? I think this could be a great skit for the Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley. “I’m loud enough. I’m wild enough and doggone it, my partner likes sleeping with me.”

So what are the factors involved? Physical attraction? Emotional connection? Experience? Degree of desire? The experts would probably say that having open communication is key.

The answer may not be that easy because everyone has different likes and different tastes. Maybe it is simply about being in the moment and letting everything else go.

How do you become a good listener? Just listen. How do you become a good lover? Just love.

Add a Comment3 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

As long as my boyfriend does this... im satisfied http://howtofixstuff.blogspot.com/2012/02/how-to-last-longer-in-bed.html

March 5, 2012 - 1:38pm

I think it all really comes down to communication. Ask your partner if he or she enjoyed sex with you. Even if he or she appears to enjoy sex with you, they might not be totally honest because of insecurities or issues with communicating. I think everyone has the ability to be "good" at sex. Also, you can't really complain too much about "bad" sex if you don't tell your partner what you really like.

April 19, 2011 - 5:28pm

Hmmm... how DO we know? If we ask our current partner, what can they say? Do we really know what they think, or would they just say something nice to appease our curiosity - feeling lucky enough to be getting some regardless ; )

Perhaps the true test is when ex-lovers contact us to see about "getting together" for old time sake - and when old boyfriends can't seem to get over us because they miss the way we used to make them feel. It may be easier to ask an old flame how we scored in thier book of sexual experiences. Do we really want to know?

April 19, 2011 - 3:50pm
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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