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Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

By Alison Beaver
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Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me? 4 5 13
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Hundreds of women have shared details about their emotionally-strained and sex-starved relationships, and guess who!

We compiled a list of "best responses" from men, hoping to shed some light on this difficult subject. Relationships are all unique, and we hope women use these responses as a guide when talking with their significant other.

Men Are Not Sex Objects:

  • Men have different emotions, too, and to put them in a narrow box, assuming they always want sex, or should always be easily excitable, is not fair. Men are not sex objects, just like women are not.
  • I find my girl attractive, we get along, but sometimes I just don't feel like having sex.
  • Sometimes us men just don't know what we should do. So now we both lay in bed and hope the other does something. This can go on for weeks. When we do have sex, I last three minutes when I used to last longer. Well, that just made things worse, and then I was afraid of doing it again. I know we should have more sex, but we put ourselves in this rut where it made us both unapproachable to each other.
  • I wish I could make it better so she is happier about herself and us. I don't cheat—that is way too much work to pull off on the side! Yes, many guys do, but as far as I know they are still having sex with their girlfriends.

Communication Downers:

  • If my girlfriend is insulting, kills the trust and makes sex feel hypocritical.
  • I am probably also sensitive in the fact that I never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me I want it fixed between us before we get busy.
  • Believe it or not, I hate that we don't ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide comments (which does not help). I don't want to force myself to have sex (sounds weird coming from a guy).


  • I know it sounds absurd, but I am afraid of her getting pregnant even though we use protection.
  • Too many rules that I can not possibly live up to (in and outside the bedroom).

Add a Comment23 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

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March 28, 2015 - 5:19pm
EmpowHER Guest

Listen, all you women know why men aren't initiating sex anymore but you're too scared to admit it. This is all your fault and you know it. It's because you use sex to manipulate him. Yes you do - don't deny it. I know this is true because you are female, and all females do this. So the only thing he can do to fight back is to stop initiating. And that's exactly what we're doing. Learn to live with it.

March 25, 2015 - 4:02pm
EmpowHER Guest

I guess it all depends on the type of guy, but for the sensitive faithful loving man this is very useful. I can be very bossy and critical at times and I now know that has a whole lot to do with why he doesn't want to have se. It lowers his self esteem and makes sex just another chore that I'm judging. When in reality I just want to love him. So ladies I'm not saying that is your problem, but just think about the way you treat him and the things you say to him. They do affect them as much as they do us.

March 20, 2015 - 3:35pm
EmpowHER Guest

Im 6ft tallm very loud n crazy. Sex was great the first two months we were together. I think hes intimidated by me. But im almost certain hee wants me to have his children. Im 28 and single. Im smoking hot too... I dont get it. I find bringing up the conversation just makes him more shy. Uhggg.

March 15, 2015 - 8:44pm
EmpowHER Guest

This is laughable!
So, we ask "why won't our men make love to us" and they reply "we are not sex objects" and "stop criticising us, cause we feel bad and we don't want to force ourselves"?!
Who's talking about forcing anyone? Who's talking about sex objects? And why would anyone stay in a relationship in the first place, if his girl treated him like that? I'm not saying such situations don't exist. I'm simply saying that, if your girl is THAT bad, to treat you as a sex object or insult you cause you're not one, the problem is the girlfriend, not you!
Now, I would like a real answer to another situation: You are together for at least a year, you're even living together. You can discuss everything, you adore eachother, she looks at you and you know she's meant for you. You look at her and you feel the same. Everytime you hug eachother - and you do that a lot, you think: "This is the best place in the world; your arms!" But, no kiss, no erotic touch, no suggestion that anything could go any further than a hug. And if the girl tries to do anything more, you push her away. She won't complain and she will take it for a few more days. In the end, she asks: "Why don't you want me? Am I doing something wrong?" But to no avail, since, instead of a normal answer, she ends up being blamed that she's pressuring you and the whole thing that initially started as a simple question, goes south.
So, she tries again some days later, with a different approach this time. She tells you that there's something bothering her and she would like to talk to you about it. And she uses soemething like this: "You know... There are several days now that I've been trying to get a bit closer to you. Touch you a bit more erotically, kiss you. Even make love! But you've been pushing me away. Is there something wrong? Is anything bothering you?" And you claim that several days ago, while she was in the kichen doing the dishes, covered in foam, and with a pan of boiling food next to her, you passed behind her and touched her butt! and that meant you wanted to have sex! But, one: she didn't understand it and two: she looked as if she was preoccupied and probably wouldn't have been able to have sex at that specific moment, so, it was her fault that nothing happened, because you wanted it, but she didn't even notice!
So, not only is she not having sex, but she has been blamed that it was her fault! Twice! One cause she was "pressuring", and two cause she didn't notice! The touch on the butt that meant sex, that is.
And so on...
She feels unattractive, she feels lame and unwanted.
And she keeps trying to tell you. Using different ways everytime: Explaining, giving examples, trying to put you in her shoes to make you understand how she feels... but nothing works. She even tries blaming! Maybe it would shake you a bit, and make you take action.
Nothing - no change whatsoever.
Months have passed like that. Lately, I've tried the approach of not mentioning it at all. See how it goes. It's already more than a week that he hasn't even touched me in any other way than the constant hug. I'm sure if I go on for a year, I'll be one year sex-free - if i may. I don't know... could it be hormons? Maybe a health issue? I really don't know what to do. I adore him. And I believe him when he says he adores me too. And I love the hug. I do! I would just like a bit more than that every now and then, while at it.

February 11, 2015 - 4:49am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

you are not alone...I am going thru the same situation. I love him and care about him but I guess we have to accept that they are not sexual guys :( or we need to move on

February 27, 2015 - 12:31am
EmpowHER Guest

It's the MGTOW. Women beware, big changes are coming as MGTOW spreads like wildfire among men!

February 10, 2015 - 1:34pm
EmpowHER Guest

Loads of crap. It all comes down to either being lazy or too comfortable, thinking that no effort needs to be made anymore because you two will be together anyway (careful, she might leave you for someone who MAKES the effort)...or the fact that you either can't stay hard or last only a few minutes. Trust me, if that's why you're withholding sex and intimacy from your supposed lover, then you're a loser. She wants both sex and the intimacy from you, you can go down on her you know, it's not all about the intercourse.

February 9, 2015 - 12:43pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend and I have many years of knowing each other, and through out those years we always had great sex. Now that we made it official, to be exact one year. We only have sex Once a month and if that! I tried talking and he says he doesn't want me asking for it,but when he let's a month roll by he gets me worried. I know he's not cheating, I do trust him. But I'm getting frustrated. I dont want to cheat because, we have a great relationship and always a good time . I just can't take it. I feel unattractive. He may love me but not as a lover ... so please any advise????

January 15, 2015 - 9:52pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I feel the same way I just don't kno what to do I'm not a cheater I'm very faithful and I don't wanna break up with him but we're not havin sex and I don't wanna be in an open relationship either so I just don't kno what to do I tried writing him a letter to express how I feel since he doesn't like to talk but we still haven't talked about the letter or reply with another letter about my letter I'm just lost and ready to give in and up

March 24, 2015 - 11:09am
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.


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