Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

 
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Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me? 4 5 16
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Hundreds of women have shared details about their emotionally-strained and sex-starved relationships, and guess who answered.....men!

We compiled a list of "best responses" from men, hoping to shed some light on this difficult subject. Relationships are all unique, and we hope women use these responses as a guide when talking with their significant other.

Men Are Not Sex Objects:

  • Men have different emotions, too, and to put them in a narrow box, assuming they always want sex, or should always be easily excitable, is not fair. Men are not sex objects, just like women are not.
  • I find my girl attractive, we get along, but sometimes I just don't feel like having sex.
  • Sometimes us men just don't know what we should do. So now we both lay in bed and hope the other does something. This can go on for weeks. When we do have sex, I last three minutes when I used to last longer. Well, that just made things worse, and then I was afraid of doing it again. I know we should have more sex, but we put ourselves in this rut where it made us both unapproachable to each other.
  • I wish I could make it better so she is happier about herself and us. I don't cheat—that is way too much work to pull off on the side! Yes, many guys do, but as far as I know they are still having sex with their girlfriends.

Communication Downers:

  • If my girlfriend is insulting, critical...it kills the trust and makes sex feel hypocritical.
  • I am probably also sensitive in the fact that I never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me I want it fixed between us before we get busy.
  • Believe it or not, I hate that we don't ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide comments (which does not help). I don't want to force myself to have sex (sounds weird coming from a guy).

Fears:

  • I know it sounds absurd, but I am afraid of her getting pregnant even though we use protection.
  • Too many rules that I can not possibly live up to (in and outside the bedroom).

Add a Comment32 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My man hasn't touched me in 4 months ! And when I initiate he brushes it off and ignores me. He claims he's not in the mood as much as he used to but 4 months of no intimacy though???

July 27, 2015 - 7:29am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'm in the same situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating 10 months and he hasn't attempted to touch me in a sexually way since pretty much February. We had sex once in May, but it was very quick and pretty much no emotion or kissing. He says it's not me and its stress, being tired, etc...but how long do you deal with it??

August 1, 2015 - 8:36pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Don't ignore the possibility or signs of him being a sex addict. My husband of 8 years was not initiating sex, we had sex 1x month upon my complaints. I kept checking his phone and computer history it was always erased. I threatened divorce and requested polygraph. He had admitted to porn addiction and oral sex in adult bookstores with other males. He is in therapy and we are in therapy. I do not know the outcome of our story yet. But do not ignore the signs!!! Now I have a child with this man which makes it more complicated to leave.

July 17, 2015 - 10:34am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your share and I agree, children make things so complicated! 

Therapy is good for you and your husband but all the therapy in the world isn't going to make your husband straight.  Sex addicts might be "addicted" but they go for what they really want.  

I hope you can work it out so that you both parent well together. 

Best,

Susan

July 17, 2015 - 3:25pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Sex goes both ways, rejection of sex goes both ways. If a man doesnt want it, you should accept it. Afterall if a woman doesnt want it and the men does all this whining and judging like I see all ove this place, that would be wrong now would it?

You are boss over your own body.
And in turn his is boss over his own body
Neither of you are entitled to anything without consent.
And its just sad if you judge them for not putting you on your throne.

June 19, 2015 - 9:06am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

That is true, yet I think the issue here is the lack of sex period in relationships and marriage . It isn't women trying to force men to have sex, more so trying to understand what is preventing them from wanting sex so such a long period. At least that is my issue.

August 1, 2015 - 10:23pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

The man needs to be the one that initiates sex. She is not going to just jump on you, no matter how illogical this seems, it's not how things are. We need to put the moves on her and she will respond if interested. Be slow and subtle, feeling her breathing, pulling her into you. Remember, the clitoris is the key to the woman, so focus on her responses, but go slow and steady. If you are both in bed together she wants sex with you, make it happen. Just lying there waiting for something to happen is not the answer. If that does not work out, there are many other women that would love this attention, move one. Trust me.

June 18, 2015 - 2:00am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm amused by the comment calling men losers and threatening to leave if they don't try harder... as if you could browbeat a guy into getting it up. Then demanding to be 'serviced' even if they don't feel like it. This is the problem with the empowered western woman - who could be turned on by endless browbeating and criticism. Which isn't to say _actual_ strong women aren't hot... Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Red Sonja, Buffy - male fantasies created by men. But endless nagging and agitation isn't hot. And I notice most of the comments still expect the guy to do all the work - gender rolls only when it suites you - maybe the guys want to feel loved and need to be romanced, maybe you need to take charge... with great power comes great responsibility (lol), and you are empowered are you not? Or did you think power was just about what you could get and doesn't come with a price?

May 29, 2015 - 11:51pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I guess it all depends on the type of guy, but for the sensitive faithful loving man this is very useful. I can be very bossy and critical at times and I now know that has a whole lot to do with why he doesn't want to have se. It lowers his self esteem and makes sex just another chore that I'm judging. When in reality I just want to love him. So ladies I'm not saying that is your problem, but just think about the way you treat him and the things you say to him. They do affect them as much as they do us.

March 20, 2015 - 3:35pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Im 6ft tallm very loud n crazy. Sex was great the first two months we were together. I think hes intimidated by me. But im almost certain hee wants me to have his children. Im 28 and single. Im smoking hot too... I dont get it. I find bringing up the conversation just makes him more shy. Uhggg.

March 15, 2015 - 8:44pm
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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