Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

Rate This
Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me? 4 5 16
Sex & Relationships related image
Photo: Getty Images

Hundreds of women have shared details about their emotionally-strained and sex-starved relationships, and guess who!

We compiled a list of "best responses" from men, hoping to shed some light on this difficult subject. Relationships are all unique, and we hope women use these responses as a guide when talking with their significant other.

Men Are Not Sex Objects:

  • Men have different emotions, too, and to put them in a narrow box, assuming they always want sex, or should always be easily excitable, is not fair. Men are not sex objects, just like women are not.
  • I find my girl attractive, we get along, but sometimes I just don't feel like having sex.
  • Sometimes us men just don't know what we should do. So now we both lay in bed and hope the other does something. This can go on for weeks. When we do have sex, I last three minutes when I used to last longer. Well, that just made things worse, and then I was afraid of doing it again. I know we should have more sex, but we put ourselves in this rut where it made us both unapproachable to each other.
  • I wish I could make it better so she is happier about herself and us. I don't cheat—that is way too much work to pull off on the side! Yes, many guys do, but as far as I know they are still having sex with their girlfriends.

Communication Downers:

  • If my girlfriend is insulting, kills the trust and makes sex feel hypocritical.
  • I am probably also sensitive in the fact that I never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me I want it fixed between us before we get busy.
  • Believe it or not, I hate that we don't ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide comments (which does not help). I don't want to force myself to have sex (sounds weird coming from a guy).


  • I know it sounds absurd, but I am afraid of her getting pregnant even though we use protection.
  • Too many rules that I can not possibly live up to (in and outside the bedroom).

Add a Comment46 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

This was even faster than I could dream of. Thank you for taking time to listen to me and answering all my emails. I feel emotional strong again. My confidence is back and I see my future clearly. I am forever grateful for your help in re-uniting me with my old lover,my name is Carol Andersen my lover left me but dr ogogodu help me to get back my lover i am give my own testimony contact him for help and get your testimony too.
Cell number:+2348078999655

Carol Andersen, Seattle, USA

November 29, 2015 - 4:07pm
EmpowHER Guest

I've had this problem for around 45 years, married 47 going on 48. He never had an interest in me. Just wants to alone we had sex a couple times. He doesn't talk to me, touch me sleep with me. I have no idea what went wrong or why. not gay or into porn. My mistake was not just to leave, I'm sure he wouldn't have missed me or even cared. Just to old no to care any more have no where to go.

November 14, 2015 - 1:58pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wow that is a long time to be unhappy. It probably feels like you guys are just coexisting. Not even friends because friends at least talk to you and listen to you and care about your well being. Someone so mentally and physically detached from you is dragging you down. I know how you feel about nowhere to go because I was stuck like that for 10 yrs. My son is what got me through it. Surely you have a friend or family member that can help you till you get on your feet. Have you ever tried telling him how you feel and how it's affecting you? If so get out quick because he apparently hasn't cared to try. Don't waste any more time with someone who has the personality of a rock. Worst case scenario you go to every womans place or the DHS to help you start a new life!! Hope you get the help you need!

November 14, 2015 - 4:14pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have been with my partner for over a year now. We were both nervous of starting the relationship because of past heartbreaks, but realized we should just go for it and we did. We didn't say the 3 letter word until we felt ready, but 4 months later we bought our own flat together and I can honestly say I have in every other respect never been happier and he says the same, both love each other.
However, just before we moved in together, he stopped sleeping with me as often. We stopped having as much 'fun' as we used to (and we were quite excitable at the beginning!). This has just gotten worse... 10 months he now only has sex with me about every 3-4 weeks? Last time was about 6 weeks ago. I have tried everything, especially giving him space and time, buying nice lingerie, trying to spoil him, 'treating him', just being romantic, cuddly, playful - and this isn't all the time, as I say, I would only try something if I know he isn't stressed or tired, and with plenty of time in between so it doesn't seem like I am harassing him. I love him and trust him to know he isn't sleeping with someone else, he's still very happy and romantic and buying me flowers, but he just is never in the mood and doesn't turn on to me...
10 months now this has gone on, and I have tired so hard, but its breaking me emotionally and mentally and ruining my confidence, making me question whether I am good enough, maybe I'm not attractive enough for him, all these things. I have spoken to him about it, and he said he would try, even mentioned the doctors, but he never went and for me, I can't see him trying... i am trying so hard to be careful and understanding about this as I don't want to ruin his confidence, but what do I do when its ruining mine? Can anyone help??

November 7, 2015 - 10:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. It was great and fun at first but now we have sex maybe twice a month and it's only when he wants to. I make every effort to show him I'm interested and he smiles at me and says I'm sexy but doesn't act on it. I know he's faithful to me and loves me but it's very stressful. As women we always take it personal even when our other half seems uninterested. My boyfriend has told me several times that it's not me and he's still attracted to me but I still take it personal. He also says that he needs to go see a doctor and needs to seek help but never does so obviously I take that to heart as well. I honestly think it could be a change in their diet or they are lacking vitamins. There are actually several things you can try that are natural if your man is willing to try for his benefit as well as yours. A supplement called horny goat weed with maca powder is supposed to be a huge testosterone and libido booster for men and woman. L-ARGININE is also a good booster for men. If you Google natural libido boosters there are lots of other interesting methods as well. Have him also take a multivitamin every day!!! I hope this helps you!!

November 7, 2015 - 6:26pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm dating a guy ,we've kissed and made out but we haven't had sex. I've been dating this guy since march and it's currently September ..... What's going on? He says he wants to take things steady but I feel like he's friend zoning me and even he doesn't know it yet .

September 16, 2015 - 5:54pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Some men want to wait until marriage to have sex due to religious or cultural beliefs - could this be the case with him? 

He also could have erectile dysfunction and has a fear of performance.  



September 17, 2015 - 5:37am
EmpowHER Guest

It's the MGTOW. It's Going viral! Get used to it, ladies.

September 5, 2015 - 12:05am

Too much free online porn. Guys are spending their time watching free porn and jerking off with their phone and at the computer desk. Oh...they're getting it, but there's none left for you ! Welcome to the age of self serve.

August 11, 2015 - 1:51am
Anneca (reply to MaagdaThor)

Out of all the answers & things I've read online your response seems most accurate (in my case at least) at least somebody has the wits to say it. I agree %100 to this post. I am 35 dating a 25 year old & struggle with adapting to this new technology age on a daily basis. I am an 80s child so we don't feel as if we always need our smartphone in our hands.

October 21, 2015 - 4:50am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Sex & Relationships Guide

Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!


4105 Health


2629 Lives


2419 Lives
7 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More

Take Our Featured Health Poll

Have you joined the IUD trend? What kind of birth control do you use? :
View Results