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Dating Coach Joann Cohen discusses when sex can be introduced into a new relationship.
Joann:
One thing that women are always asking me is when do they have sex in a new relationship? What’s the rule? And there’s a lot of books out there that will tell us when you need to do it.
One of the things I tell people, be true to your own values. What is it that feels good to you?
If it’s waiting till marriage and that’s what you truly believe then that’s what you need to stick with. If it’s until you’re in a committed relationship then that’s what you need to stick with.
If you think, hey, it’s three dates and I am okay with that, that’s your rule and that’s fine to stick with it too.
Just know that sex is just sex and doesn’t mean a relationship to a man or commitment to a man.
So understand going in and that’s part of it is communication. Communicate to the man what does sex mean to you.
Does it mean commitment? Is it okay to sleep with other people? That’s the key thing, is communication and stick to your own ethics.
One thing I would say about sex too soon is that if somebody has sex on the first date more times than not you will not get into a long-term relationship.
There are a few exceptions, they are very few. So I don’t encourage my female clients if they are looking to have a relationship to engage in sexual relations on the first date. It just doesn’t work that way for them.
A lot of men then just see them as differently and say, how many men has she been with? I know it’s a double standard but that’s the way it is in the dating world. So I don’t encourage my clients to have sex on the first date.
One of the biggest mistakes women make about sex in a new relationship is they assume without talking to the man that once they have had sex they have a commitment from the man that they are in a relationship, that the man will no longer engage in sexual relationships with anyone else or date anyone else. Unless they’ve communicated it, that sex is just sex to the man.
So before you get there ladies, you want to talk to that man and make sure you are on the same page. If he is not ready to be exclusive and that’s what sex means to you then don’t go there.
Sex is simply part of the relationship and it’s key that you have the communication there like you do in everything else in a relationship to make it work.
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