I have been with a guy for 5 years. After just about four years of a great and unique connection and amazing times and memories mixed in with him smoking pot to a point where it was no doubt an addiction and shadiness on his part including an old college girlfriend coming one weekend from out of town without me knowing that they were more than just friends and after hearing from her that they had slept together, while I was with him I started to lose hope that he would ever want to be exclusive. After him logging on to dating websites while I was mislead into thinking he was my boyfriend, I finally took a step back and said to myself, I love this man but eventually something has to change and though he had stopped with drugs and told me that he is ready to be more responsible and exclusive, I still caught him involved in actions that made me feel insecure such as him having a woman in his hotel room on a trip to Israel last summer who he swears nothing happened. Also after all of this time, he was reluctant and included me only in a family event once and it was just stopping by his parents for a glass of water while dropping off their borrowed car. After all of those years of growing together with no commitment and many broken hearts, I realized that I needed to redeem my sense of self and move on. I could not bring myself to telling him this and in the back of mind, I always thought he would have the decency to cut it off for good or to stop mistreating me. I should mention he is 16 years older and a successful bank lawyer and an extremely nice person accept for his tendency to wander off from a committed relationship.
So after that, I went onto match.com and started going on dates. Soon after, I met a nice guy enough attractive guy who was a bright attorney and who included me in his family events and seemed very sweet. He was also closer in age. For awhile while I was dating, I didn't see the need to break anything off. The match.com guy quickly told me that he was done dating and was hoping I was too. I never actually said I was however. My friends all loved match.com and I really enjoyed him as a person but something was never there. Over time and absence with the first guy, he grew aware that he was losing me and that is when he decided to stop being shady and he included me in everything with family and friends. 9 months later, I couldn't believe this was all still going on. The older guy caught me in a slew of lies that I justified because of his wrong doing. Match.com became less attractive to me. He was great but annoyed me and I found he was often rude to people who are different than him. He is a cookie cutter new jersey guy with a closed mind and it took me awhile to realize that. I stopped having sex with him after the older guy gave me a promise ring and told me if we can work through things, we would be able to have a life together.
Match.com and I broke it off and I am happy about that regardless. But now the older guy says that we have to rebuild trust before he will want to sleep with me. Before we used to have sex so much that I was tired most days from lack of sleep.
I am hoping he is being honest and it's not that he is no longer attracted to me. I have moved a lot of my stuff into his apartment because he doesn't trust me to sleep elsewhere with the exception of staying at my moms when I visit her. However, he does not want to live together so I continue paying rent where I do not sleep and am no longer having sex with him.
Is it possible that he is really just rebuilding trust? He also wants me to convert to Judaism through an orthodox conversion not that we would be orthodox, he just wants to be universally recognized and have what he says "jewish babies" so I am baffled right now and if you had time to read this whole thing and have any insight, please let me know.
I am convinced that it was the drugs and that he will not cheat again if we are to settle down. But I wonder why he was so into sex before and now its been nothing for over a month.
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