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fear of having sex

By Anonymous February 1, 2015 - 2:53am
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I got married three months ago, and after a month my husband was able to disvirgin me from the rear, which was very painful for me and blood came out immediatly,I screamed and he had to leave me immediatly and after an hour my monthly period came. Since the going to two months now have not been able to have sex due to the first pain. Each time I tell my husband am ready fear won't allow me do it. I don't feel any touch again, even if he touch my body I don't feel anything, I don't feel like having sex. But am suffering my husband, he has been patient with me thus far. I realy want to have sex again but fear won't allow me, and looking at the small hole from outside makes me feel is too small for his penis to go in. Am really disturb. What can I do to get reed of this. Even to put my finger or his scares me a lot. I was thinking if I can just take a drug and sleep off so he can do what he wants to do. Please help me so as to save my marriage and be fruitful. Cos am feeling guilt for not allowing my husband enjoy sex. Thank you

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I'm so sorry to hear that you had this painful experience but I'm glad to hear that your husband is being patient with you.  I'd love to give you some advice on the matter.

Experiencing pain from something that should be pleasurable is troubling, but I promise you that you do not need to drug yourself in order to try again. 

As you may know, a thin membrane called the hymen partially covers the vagina opening.  When you experience penetration during your first time having intercourse you may experience pain because you are not relaxed or properly lubricated.  It is NOT due to this membrane because it does not have nerve endings.

The most important way to ensure that you do not experience pain the next time around is by relaxing. And from what I see, you need to be sure it will not hurt in order to relax.  Start by experimenting with very small penetration.  It could be your finger or a small toy.  You need to know your body in order to know what you want and like.  You will never know this however if you do not experiment.

The next thing you must have on hand is a proper lubricant.   Your body produces its own lubrication, however extra always helps. You can use oils such as olive oil, or buy any kind of lubricant you like.

Do not feel forced to do anything that is unpleasant.  Having intercourse with your husband should be a fun, safe experience.  You can make it that by doing these things I have suggested.

I hope this helps.


February 1, 2015 - 10:30pm
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