How can he LOVE me if he isnt sexually attracted to me anymore?

Your men have low testosterone and are embarrassed to ask their doctors. If you suggest it to them it will just cause another argument. But you do need to gently talk about it without sounding accusing. If they won't get help then you can choose to live with it, at least you know it's not you, it really is him. But I feel like if a man won't get help then he's not worth the misery.

im going through almost the same situation as you. my bf and i have only been together about six months. at first he couldn't keep his hands off of me then he moved into my house and since then nothing. we have sex maybe once a week. the first time i tried to talk to him about he said he had too much else going on the second time i tried to talk to him about he said it was cuz of personal stuff that happened with his ex wife and now he says he is past his sexual prime. he is 32 years of age. every time i try to initiate sex he rejects me. i get no kisses he says he doesn't like kissing because he can't breathe. i'm a very affectionate person, i do everything for him i even sent him up flying a plane which was a life long dream of his. yet when i asked him to make love to me he rejected me. i feel unattractive to him and very hurt......... how do we handle this?

I to am in this situation. Its only been 8months since we been together. At first it was pretty normal now its nothing. I am a sexual person, and consider myself pretty attractive. I also believe in faithfulness, to be honest though having a sex buddy on the side sounds interesting. I am now turned off that he doesnt want to have sex, so I dont want any pitty sex. He says he is attracted to me. I asked him what could be better than having good sex frequently. Its relieves stress, brings 2 ppl closer, and just makes you feel better over all. He just dont get it, and Neither am I.

CurlyGirly,

I think Maria gave you some really good thoughts. And I would like to add a couple.

First of all, people are different. And Maria is right -- the passion does wane somewhat when we get "comfortable." It IS very possible to love someone without being sexual -- many couples are in this position, and we get questions from quite a few women in your same position. Sometimes the lack of a sex drive has to do with stress, with depression, with low hormonal levels. Other times it is due to porn or an affair.

What you have to decide now is what is OK with you -- both in terms of his comment/attitude about your weight and in terms of what you want in a relationship. You don't feel loved without having sex, and you're not having sex, so your self-esteem was already falling. Add to that his comment about your weight, and it crushed you.

Did he ever apologize for that comment? I'm thinking not, since you don't mention it. And yet you were still "freshening up" in case he might "try something."

CurlyGirly, it doesn't sound like he's going to change the way you want him to in order for you to be happy. If he thinks that things are fine and you are miserable, that tells me that he's completely insensitive and self-absorbed here. Do you want to stay with this man if this is his true self?

Hi honey. Wow, that's a lot for you to take in. You hit the nail on the head when you said you love him and want to have sex with him despite his flaws and it is easy for you to forget they even exist. I'm not a professional but I have been married to my husband for 5 years and I will tell you we had a lot of sex when we first met but after a while things started to slow down a lot. At first I thought it was me but than I realized we were finally that comfortable with each other. Now I think that when men are in a long relationship (marriage/long term dating) they tend to forget that women need to know their man still finds them sexually attractive. The other thing is the age. You said your boyfriend is 30. My hubby is 35 and I have to tell you in my PERSONAL opinion they are starting to slow donw while we (you are 26, I'm 29) are just getting started. I would have a serious talk with him about his comment though. If he is trying to put some kind of blame on you that's just wrong and so childish. If he's just not interested anymore and wants to move one he needs to man up and tell you, but if he has his own insecurities than he needs to let you know that as well. I hope I helped a little. Keep your head up doll.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

I do have a few questions for you, as I am confused somewhat about what you left out of your post. Let's take the "sex" off the table for the moment, and talk about your relationship.

1. In what context did your boyfriend tell you that your weight is an issue for him? What was your response? Does he understand how badly and deeply this comment hurt you?

2. Have you two talked about what your ideal relationship is, in regards to being physically intimate (in other ways other than intercourse, but it also includes intercourse)? How does he like to show his affection physically? How do you?

3. Regarding sex/intercourse: What is his opinion on his sexual relationship with you? Does he want to have sex more often in his intimate relationships, with you? If so, what is holding him back from making this a realty? What does he need from you?

These are just a few questions, as after reading your post, it seems as though you are speculating about many aspects of the relationship, what his thoughts/feelings are about you, and the person you need to get the answers from are him. If he is not able or willing to talk with you about his feelings...this may be enough information for you to realize that you may not choose to date someone who can not be forthcoming, open and honest about their feelings, no matter how difficult it is to discuss them. It takes time to build trust in the relationship, and maybe taking a step back to build a stronger foundation would be helpful?