My husband has a porn addiction, should I let him take pictures of me?

Hi silver_girl,

I'm sorry you are having troubles with your relationship! Marriage has its ups-and-downs, and the downs really are emotionally and physically draining. Be sure to take care of yourself while you work through this.

I will do some research for you on this subject, but here are my initial thoughts:

1. My personal views of sexual relationships are that they should be fun, exciting, respectful, passionate, intimate and caring. This can be defined in numerous ways; some behaviors one person may find "exciting" or "thrilling" may be seen as by the other person as "intimidating" or "disrespectful".

2. That being said, you mentioned that your husband is "struggling with a porn addiction", but that you also said you think it is "wrong for him to even look at porn". I just want to clarify this: has he been diagnosed with a porn addiction, or has he self-identified with having a porn addiction? Or, have you given him this label? I want to be clear about this, as saying someone has an "addiction" to something is very different than them doing something we disapprove of.

3. Whether or not he has an addiction is one aspect of this issue; the other is that his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable and is hurting the relationship. THAT is the real problem, in my view. Have you spoken with him about his porn-viewing, and how you feel it is damaging the relationship? Have you two been to marriage counseling for this? Have you been honest with yourself and with him about how this negatively effects your marriage? How long has this been going on?

4. I don't think the issue is "whether or not he should take pictures of you". If you are describing a relationship with your husband where you are upset with his behavior that he either: a) has no control over ("addiction"), or, b) has control over and doesn't want to change ("choice"), then these are the real questions to sort out. The picture-taking is irrelevant (to me) in your question...a husband taking (assuming nude) pictures of his wife will not "feed into his addiction"; addiction is not that simple of a problem. Are you worried that he would post these pictures online?

5. What do you want out of the sexual-aspect of your relationship with your husband? I don't like the thought of "letting someone do something to me". You didn't say "I want him to take pictures of me, but am concerned...". It sounds like you are being passive in this scenario, by "letting him" do something, and I hope you take charge of your sexual relationship and do what you think is fun, exciting, intimate and caring. If you are unable to do this, because of your concern with his relationship with porn, then to answer your question on what I would advise: marriage counseling.

Sorry for the difficult questions; please write back and let us know how we can help you more. Would you like some more information on porn addiction?