My husband has a porn addiction, should I let him take pictures of me?

No. Given the context then absolutely not.

I just finished reading a book called Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes. A year ago someone bought this book for me because of problems I was discovering with my husband. I read two pages and thought they were crazy and that it didn't apply to our situation at all. The book talks about all forms of sexual addiction, and I didn't take it seriously because I thought it was talking about more serious problems, far worse than anything my husband was capable of. My husband had a problem with pornography, sure, but this book was talking about all forms of sexual addiction, pornography, but also people who visited prostitutes multiple times a week, who had sex in rest stops, and more, things that I thought were totally and completely different. Eventually, I learned there was more to my husband's addiction than I had realized, and I finally picked up the book.

I really recommend that women who know their husband is addicted to pornography, or perhaps they might say "has a problem with pornography," I really encourage you to read this book. Look beyond the horror of it, don't think, my husband is not this man, because it doesn't matter. I realized that even though it describes all kinds of behaviors that don't pertain to my husband, it does describe sexual addiction well, and the addiction is similar in all forms. It also helped me to understand how he could be this way. I literally just finished the book yesterday, and I don't know if it will make anything any easier or not yet, but I do think it helps to understand.

Hello. I'm new to this forum. I found you after I typed in a search on Google about men pressuring their partners to pose for photos. Let me state, before I get into my problem, that I have enjoyed reading every comment in this thread. Okay, so here goes...
Some background...when I was 6 years old I was vaginally raped by the teenaged son of a neighbor. I was restrained and also had my mouth covered during the attack. My elder sister found me, tried to clean me up, and put my bloodied underwear into the laundry hamper. We waited for my parents to get home from work so they could be informed. I remember nothing from the time between when my sister found me and when my parents arrived home. What I do remember is that my mom saw my bloodied underwear in the hamper, and she then walked over to me with them held out and away from her, and she slapped me in the face, hard. As a consequence of this reaction to the attack on my young body, when I was later molested at the age of 12 by the husband of my mom's best friend I told nobody and kept it a secret until the age of 16. I never received formal counselling to help me deal with the issues caused by these attacks. My sister did take me to her church to speak with one of their counsellors but I walked out and never returned after he tried to blame me for these attacks on my person.

At age 18 I was dating a co-worker, and after only 3 months of knowing this man my mom pushed us into marriage. I was pregnant within weeks after getting married, and spent 13 years with a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic who beat me up, cheated on me with at least three other women, tried to murder me in my sleep, and then raped me in the shower during a drunken rage. During this attack he also vaginally raped me with a candlestick holder. We ended up having two children, born 8 years apart. When our youngest was 4 I filed for divorce after requesting that police remove my husband from our home. I lived 7 peaceful months as a single mother, and then met a man who would turn out to be a mentally unstable drug abuser. After three years of his abuse I managed to escape the relationship. About a week after I kicked him out of our home he entered the house late at night and viciously raped me vaginally and orally. I went through the humiliating of the "rape kit" collection, recounting the rape to detectives, police, the district attorney, a rape crisis counsellor, etc... In the end we only got him on an assault charge. The State I lived in at the time was strongly Mormon, my attacker was a "jack" Mormon, and his father & step-mother were Mormons in good standing, plus, the final kicker, the judge was Mormon. Because I had lived with this person "as if we were married" the judge would not rule that I had been raped. So, this was my past history, yet in spite of it I still stood strong and did not allow myself to be completely turned away from finding love with a good, decent man.

I did finally re-marry, this time to a man whom I love deeply, yet I still continue to have problems. My husband has had problems with porn addicition throughout the 11 years we have been together. On many ocassions we have discussed it, come to an agreement about how destructive it is to our relationship, and then at some point it becomes a problem again, with justifications made by my husband as to why it is really not bad for him to view it. I always cave in to his excuses and reasons just to keep the peace and to avoid dealing with the guilt, yelling, accusations and days of suffering the "cold shoulder & silence" treatment. Tied in with this is the issue of my husband's need to have photos of me naked, in pornographic poses, or in highly suggestive poses. Again, I have discussed my feelings about this many, many times, convinced him to delete or destroy these photos of me, only to have him begin harrassing me me at a later date to allow more photos. We go through the same cycle of arguing about it, me telling him how it makes me feel, his agreeing to get rid of them, and then back to him harrassing me again for more. I've given in and given up. I don't care anymore. Posing for these photos makes me feel as if I am being raped yet again and my husband doesn't care about how I feel. I feel used, exploited and victimized for the benefit of another's pleasure. I have also asked that he stop randomly groping and fondling me as often as he does and I feel that we can no longer talk or sit together without it turning to sex or talk about sex. Just the other night we were sitting on the sofa having a serious talk and for most of the time he was fondling my breast. I felt very annoyed but didn't dare say anything. I was that 12 year old girl again suffering another's desire to grope me. My husband can't even leave me alone over what I wear and regularly looks in my closet and drawers and then harrangues me for not dressing "sexy" or wearing the clothes he finds titilating. I feel that nothing is private and I have no rights to dress how I want and be "me" without being punished for it. Now, I despise the very idea of dressing in anything even remotely provocative, I can barely tolerate sexual contact and I prefer to sleep alone on the sofa so that I can feel that I have some "me" time where I am not being harrassed, groped, fondled or photographed. I am feeling as if I'm on the brink of self-destruction. I do not feel that I can discuss these matters with my husband anymore because I have lost all feelings of trust.

No! If you don't feel comfortable allowing him to take pictures of you - dont allow him to force/talk you into it. Its your body, not his. Marriage is a two way street - if his addiction to porn is hurting you, you need to talk to him about it (hopefully he will listen, I have tried and my husband laughs about it) There are counsellors out there for that very specific topic. Look online - and get some help. I am in the same boat. My husband steals MY money to feed his porn addiction (unknowingly, then he yells at me for being such a spendthrift!). I finally got to one of my bank statements before he did, and found out the REAL reason why my money is going so fast!

Thanks for the information, anonymous. We can never be too careful when it comes to our computers and this software may help others in the future.

If you're not sure whether your husband is being honest about his activities on his computer, or whether they are legal, I highly recommend Eblaster or Spector Pro. This is a link to a review site for monitoring software, it will also link you to the websites to purchase the software.

http://monitoring-software-review.toptenreviews.com/

It's sad to have to resort to it, but I wish I had sooner, so I wanted to share. Eblaster emails you reports and tells you what websites were visited and names of files opened. Spector Pro basically creates a video recording of computer activity, it has to be accessed from the user's computer. I would say Eblaster is preferable because of it's remote capabilities and the fact that you may not want to see a video recording of what you find, but if you're dealing with files on the computer and not websites, the file names may not tell you what you need to know. They're made by the same company and offer a deal when you purchase both.

i thought that takin pix of me would help my husbads terrible addiction but come to find out, he still looks at porn and pictures of other naked girls...i dont know what to do.