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Why does it hurt my feelings when my boyfriend can go weeks without needing sex, and I get mopey and sad after being denied?

By Anonymous April 9, 2015 - 11:32pm
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I love my boyfriend so very much. We've only been dating for 6 months, but he's proven to be the most loving and supporting man I've ever met. He's 24 (turning 25 soon) and I'm 20.

I don't think I'm unattractive... but it frustrates me that I practically sit around and suffer waiting for him to make a move while he just goes about his life perfectly fine. He knows I have a higher libido. I know he has a lower one. But it's been weeks that I've gone un-loved and it's really starting to take a toll on my happiness and how I handle being around him. I've gotten into a bad habit of avoiding him, physically and emotionally distancing myself just so I don't get my hopes up and create a bad mood when I get rejected.

The last time we had sex was 3-4 weeks ago, and I've seen him almost every day of the week. I even leave work early sometimes in hopes that there will "be enough time" this time around, since he always says we don't have time or his roommates are home. His roommates went on vacation so now we have the place to ourselves--he was the one who said it that way! But it's been days and so far I really don't see what the difference/benefit is to having them gone. I feel like I've been silently suffering for weeks. And although it's SO obvious, he still asks me what's wrong.

The reason I say it's obvious is because I haven't bothered initiating anything with him since he denied me a few weeks back and we had a little argument. He asked me why I always wanted sex. I couldn't answer him. I'm looking into getting my mental health evaluated.

I am very sad, depressed, and lonely with a loving, handsome boyfriend. I want to cry and sleep all the time. How is this possible?

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Hello Anonymous,

Welcome to EmpowHER . Thank you for sharing your story and coming to us for advice.

Re-read your post and you will find that you hold the key to unlocking this issue- "He asked me why I always wanted sex. I couldn't answer him. "

It sounds like your boyfriend has a life that doesn't revolve around sex. Do the two of you do other things together, have shared interests or is it only sex?

Before sitting down with a therapist, be introspective and ask yourself why you always want sex. The therapist will ask you that same question.


April 10, 2015 - 7:06am
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