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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Many women are going through similar situations. It is understandable how it can be both difficult and hard on your self-esteem. You may want to check out these EmpowHER groups on the topic so you can connect with other women who may be able to provide good insight on how to deal with it: https://www.empowher.com/groups/my-boyfriend-bored-sex-me, and https://www.empowher.com/groups/less-sex-boyfriend
February 25, 2011 - 8:48amGood luck, and take care of yourself.
This Comment
I am having the same problem and its driving me crazy. we used to have sex all the time. than i started to catch him out looking at porn and talking dirty to other girls after i questioned him our sex life hasnt been the same. i ask him now and its like its such a hard job. i am starting to think what has he been up too. it is getting me so down because i feel like its me. but he seds its not but i dont believe him. please help
February 25, 2011 - 1:51amThis Comment
i've got the same prob with all u guys out here.
I've got a boyfriend that would really turn me down in bed. Were both 24. I'm the one who's initiating it everytime. And he would just say, "let's not do it now".
It'll hurt and insult a lot..
And his reason, 'coz were not yet ready.
His afraid that I'm going to get pregnant.
His not yet ready and he don't have enough savings yet to support a family.
Well, in the positive side, it's good to know that his thinking about our future. TO have a bright future.
But my sex urge is really high that I would want to do it everyday. And get another no again.. :(
What will i do?
February 23, 2011 - 10:37pmThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
February 24, 2011 - 8:57amThanks for your comment. There are many ways to be intimate without having sex. I know that's a big way, but if your boyfriend doesn't want to engage in sexual intercourse, you have to respect that. From my own experience, if you're not on board with waiting, then you may want to figure out for yourself if you are in this relationship for what it could be, or if you need something else in your life right now. You are young. If you want to "try on" a few people before settling down, your 20s are the time to figure that out. Don't resign yourself to one guy if you're not ready for that type of commitment. Think about it, and do what's right for you. Talk this over with your boyfriend. The two of you can come to a logical decision together, and decide what's best for you right now and to ensure a bright future for both of you regardless if it's together or apart.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
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I just stumbled onto this thread and thought I'd throw in my two cents. Honestly, I've been with a girl as she gained weight, I was gaining weight too, and it did nothing to quench my desire for her. The only times I've ever really started pulling back from wanting to have sex with someone I'm with is when I start to realize I don't really want to be with her any longer, but I haven't yet built up the courage to end it. I'm not saying it's a good thing to do, honesty is obviously a better option, but when I start getting ready to end it, I start pulling back from sex, if only so I can start to put some distance between us before it ends.
February 22, 2011 - 8:57pmThis Comment
My husband won't have sex with me too!!
February 21, 2011 - 7:30amThis Comment
I;ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, like most relationships the sex was passionate, firer y and often in the beginning and then it became less over the years. For the past 3 years we haven't had sex much at all. He has said that he doesn't feel confident because he ejaculates quite quickly which is a common problem. I haven't had an orgasm in a very long time! but i have been understanding of his insecurities. Obviously this is a sensitive issue for him so i had just excepted it. However, in the last year i have become increasingly frustrated and angry that he hasn't tried to come onto me or make me feel like a sexual women. I feel like he doesn't actually care how i feel anymore, it's all about how he feels and his insecurities! when we argue he says why don't you make the first move, but because it's aways me making the first move i'm thinking maybe he's only having sex when he really has to when i need it, because it feels like he doesn't fancy me or worse yet maybe he is getting it elsewhere. This may not be the case but i have become insecure about not being wanted sexually. Can i please have a male opinion thanks.
February 20, 2011 - 7:51amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
I'm sorry for your situation. Just as every relationship is unique, so are the reasons or causes behind your partner's choices in his behavior towards you. We have compiled the “best responses” received from both men and women in regards to your specific question, and hope you read through them thoughtfully. Women have been going through the same struggles, and have shared their insight and lessons learned. Men have also shared why they did not want to have sex in their strained relationships. Please let us know what “words of wisdom” or “tips” resonated with you from the following articles:
Helpful Relationship and Sex Articles:
- Women's Best Advice: Is Your Male Partner Withholding Physical Affection or Sex?.
- Women's Best Advice, Part 2:What to Do When Your Man Withdraws from you Sexually.
- You asked, Men answered:Best Responses from Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?.
February 21, 2011 - 8:11amThis Comment
Sorry to break it to you but he is obviously cheating on you. Any guy who stops having sex with their wife (or girlfriend -shame on you guys having sex before marriage), is cheating on his wife/gf.
No guy who has been having sex with someone just stops and never wants it. When you find out that he is cheating on you, get rid of him. You can't love someone properly if they don't love you back. If he's a cheater, he won't change either, so don't count on that. Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater!
February 19, 2011 - 11:03pmThis Comment
I'm 21. My boyfriend a I were havong loads of sex when we first started dating and moved in tougether. The more we had the better it got. Only problem was work was getting longer and harder for him. His job is exhausting! He would come home in his uniform and pass out on the couch talking to me as I made dinner. When your so exhausted the last place you wanna put your self is trying to show off to your gurlfriend what a tired fu@ker you are. Come on guys truth is if you wanna sleep your not going to wanna make love. Simple! I love my boyfriend and he loves me. When we do have sex it's in the afternoon on relaxing weekends when we got the time for eachother. If we dont have time, it just dosnt happen. I'm not going to rip my top off and jump up and down to get some. I do pass a hint when I want it....(all the time) but that dosnt mean it's going to happen. Keep him relaxed and spend some you and him time tougether. You'll see it will work out fine when you got nothing but eachother to worry bout.
February 16, 2011 - 10:50pmThis Comment