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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Anon,
You're in a tough spot. You're dealing with someone who is withdrawn (and possibly depressed?) and you are almost being put in the role of parent.
Reread what you wrote. You do most of the cooking, cleaning and taxing. He won't do anything for himself. He has no interest in sex or even in affection. He talks down to you and it doesn't feel like his heart is in it. He doesn't support you at all.
Why are you staying? I know that is an easy question to ask, but it's something I want you to think about. He is no longer taking responsibility for his own life, and he's not communicating with you honestly about it.
And he's making you into the parent in the relationship, which is deadly.
Is he working? Does he like his job?
Is he healthy? Overweight? Underweight? Does he exercise?
Does he do things for himself when he is interested in them?
Did anything specific happen about a year ago? (Job loss, major change, you moved in together, a death in the family, etc)?
April 28, 2010 - 10:17amThis Comment
Im a female and i watch porn....Everybody has done it...i have a bad self esteem but when it comes to making love or "having sex" i feel like im the hottest girl in the world, It s all in our head...when your man comes home an hour late, or he doesnt answer your call, I have had so many bad thoughts, but i checked him, his phone,his email and his myspace to see if he was sleeping around, and yet i found nothing, If you can find anyway to make yourself feel sexy or beautiful do it, and if your man is wiht you remeber your the one he sleeps next to not some other girl:)) Stay true to yourself and if your gaining weight so what bigger girls are sexy, Thin girls are sexy to....Watch the movie phat girls starring monique<3
April 26, 2010 - 7:47pmThis Comment
Thanks for the the comments on this post. Yes, there is definitely a common issue with both sexes on this issue. Sometimes the women are left unsatisfied and sometimes the men are left unsatisfied. The key issue here is that someone is unhappy in the relationship, right? No matter if it is sex or not.
This is where two people need to be very honest with each other to find out the reasoning behind one or the other being unhappy. It may be something simple and it may be something that will take some work, but all in all, communication between the two individuals is key.
I also believe that even if one person wants sex more in a relationship, a happy medium can be found in any disagreement. You can say, "I don't agree with you but I understand where you are coming from."
If two people will try this scenario, I bet an agreement can be reached.
April 25, 2010 - 9:31amThis Comment
Why are we being given advice on how to make the man swoon by other ladies on this forum? Why does the woman always have to fix things like *we are* the problem? Doesn't it take two to tango & two to spice up a sex life? & if you you also have this problem, it's not always your fault. You could be the prettiest girl in the world & have this problem. Some of the prettiest girls in the world get cheated on. It's a problem with the GUY!
April 25, 2010 - 8:28amThis Comment
Cause guys dont think the same as us. How often do u google problems you're having! Its what we do> Women are crazy. Men are simple. They prob dont even see a problem but we stay in our heads allll the time. I am steriotyping but think about it. Ask a male friend whats wrong with ur boyfriend and you'll get the best straight up response basically "saying you worry too much and there nothing you can do about it and you're a nut"
April 25, 2010 - 3:02pmThis Comment
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and it went from a few times a day, to a few times a week, to a few times a month, to once a month, to every other month, to a few times a year! I tried putting the moves on, i've tried everything. I just gave up to be frank. We have a great friendship but the desire just isn't there anymore. I find myself dreaming of cheating on him, ALL THE TIME. I feel really guilty about it. I guess this is just the way relationships have become in the 21st century, you get bored and you treat your partner like a dusty object.
April 25, 2010 - 8:23amThis Comment
You sound like your working too hard...Take a break go on a getaway, Seriously it does take two people to change....Are you at work all the time?? Expect the unexpected...
April 26, 2010 - 8:06pmThis Comment
I'm in the same boat as all you girls, sadly.
April 25, 2010 - 8:18amI gained weight so that's probably why my boyfriend has no interest,
well that along with him being stressed and looking at pornography.
If he gets it in a few minutes from pornography, why make the effort with you?
I just please myself instead of arguing with him about my needs- being labeled as "selfish." Take the reigns, go shop an adult catalog for some nice toys.
This Comment
Dont be worried...I am 18 and my sex drive is higher than most men, my Boyfriend thought we had to much sex, And i felt it was getting old, so i suggest spicing up your love life, I like role playing, Sending him dirty video's while he's at work...keep him intrested, I treat my man like a prince when it comes to the bed room, anything he wants i will give it to him, And after about a week of me attending to his wants, he layed me down and treated me like a princess, He kissed me from head to...well you know how it goes, If you dont let your man be a man he will leave for some other chick that he can pump and dump.. Dont give up, Give him massages when he gets home from work, make him food, Show him your naughty side and he will love it....Dont make him do everything....Put on some music start his bath water....ect....Anymore needed advice email me @ [email protected], good luck:))
April 24, 2010 - 11:46pmThis Comment
I wouldnt stress hun!!! Who knows what wrong? Sex fades and comes back and fades and comes back.. its the way it goes. if he says nothing's wrong then I'd just have faith that that's the way it is. Worrying doesnt accomplish a single thing - trust me on that. Searching on here and asking other people's advice isn't nessessarly gonna make it all better. Why am i on here.. Im not sure. Could just make you worry for no reason at all. If ur nagging or asking what's wrong it may have killed the whole mood. I know if my guy was asking me what's wrong when nothing was that I wouldnt be in the mood for sex either. Eat some oysters, have some wine without expecting sex and just have fun together. If you get sex then awesome and if not... just have fun and enjoy his company... enjoy a good vibrations on your own. i know it's not the same but it fills the void when it needs to. Dont create something that's not nessessarly even there.
April 22, 2010 - 7:32pmThis Comment