I'm a newly married (see ladies, there's always hope), soon-to-be 60 year old,well therapized, and quite happy with life in general,woman.
But I don't reach an orgasm with my husband. I enjoy intercourse and
his touching or licking me feels great, but never great enough to reach an orgasm. The only way is if I touch myself while watching him; even then, it takes so long and it's such work that it almost doesn't pay. Now I have the kind of "performance anxiety" that some men must feel.I use estrogen cream for the dryness issue. I am on anti-depressants, but when I'm alone, if I get turned on by something,I masterbate and have a wonderful orgasm, better than ever.
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I hear where you are coming from! I'm there with you!
Actually, I'm in my 50s, but have the same types of problems with my husband. I really think it is common, from what I've read:
Some (if not many?) women do not reach orgasm with intercourse, for many reasons. The reasons that related to my situation include:
1) my dear husband not lasting long enough for me. On the rare occasion that he does, I don't know ahead of time that "this is THE opportunity" and then I feel like there is so much pressure for me to orgasm FOR HIM...not for ME!
2) clitoral stimulation just does not happen easily (if at all?) during intercourse. I've tried the "on top" position, and even that is tricky (and..ha ha...my husband lasts even LESS time!). The penis, unfortunately, is not "L" shaped for our clitoris.
So, since it was bothering me and not him (same as you!), I invested in a vibrator. There are so many kinds, and this one actually does not get in the way during intercourse. It includes a small plastic ring that fits over the penis, and then there are two tiny, tiny vibrating heads. This way, at least I have a chance of getting my right parts stimulated directly, and my husband says it feels good for him, too!
Anyways, I hope this isn't too much personal information, I just read your question and know what you are going through, and since you are non-judgmental about masturbating, I thought mentioning a vibrator would be OK. An added bonus...you can get them online, or even better, go into a sex shop...that is a scary, stimulating experience in and of itself! :-)
Good luck!
June 1, 2008 - 7:15pmThis Comment
Kareen,
Show him where and how to touch you. If that doesn't work....do what works for you. Nothing matters. Nothing.
Whatever works for you is what you should be embracing.
and don't feel guilty.
Enjoy your sexuality and be happy you can take care of yourself!
Now, you're no longer a blogging virgin. Good for you! That's a wonderful thing to embrace as well.
Remember, nothing matters when it comes to sex. Its only between you and your partner.
I'll ask Dr. Klein for you on Friday. Please check back and I'll get you the answer...ok?
Thanks for sharing with us.
Michelle
May 27, 2008 - 9:17pmThis Comment
Kareen,
Michelle King Robson (EmpowHer's Founder and CEO) will be interviewing Sex Therapist Dr. Marty Klein on Friday and I'll make sure your questions get put into her show notes. Hopefully we can get you an answer that helps.
-Todd
May 27, 2008 - 8:41pmThis Comment
Congratulations on being a newlywed at 60, that's awesome! Welcome to blogging. :)
Perhaps our expert, Dr. Jeanne Marrazzo would be the best person to address your question.
Personally, since I'm also near your age, I think that things just take longer on this side of 50 and we have to be a little more creative, relaxed and patient. Have you discussed your anxiety with your husband?
May 27, 2008 - 6:38pmThis Comment