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Dr. Ogden shares if good girls can enjoy having sex without feeling guilty.
Dr. Ogden:
Can good girls enjoy sex without guilt? It depends on what you mean by good. If you mean good as in, was that good for you, good girls can certainly enjoy good sex. Guilt, you know, guilt is a strange thing. I often describe it to clients as like some kind of pack that you are carrying around on your back, and it’s filled with all sorts of squeaky, gnarly things, and one-by-one you can unload that pack, and eventually you can walk without guilt.
But I find that a lot of sort of being brought up as good girls and I was one of them--I am a recovering proper Bostonian-- have had to work very hard to let go of that sense of guilt and the sense of shame that it’s not okay for women to feel good, which is built into the culture.
God forbid we should feel good, which is, I found this all over the country, this attitude. When I was out there with my book, “Women Who Love Sex,” it’s not okay for women to love sex. When I was out there with my book, “Women Who Love Sex,” I found myself first of all asking women, “What is it you love about sex?” which was always different because every woman has a different story. And then I found myself saying, “If I had a big pink button that said ‘I am a woman who loves sex,’ would you wear it?”
I have yet to find more than about three women who have said yes. Why would you not wear it? Because we would be beaten; because we would be raped; because we would be laughed at, hurt, killed. So my, what I extrapolate from that is that I have a very simple formula for changing the world. I believe we could change the world if we change the names we call women who love sex because this is the kind of construct that keeps women and men separate.
It keeps us in what I call a kind of perpetual cultural missionary position–men on top--and that if we can open up our attitudes and allow sexuality as a part of our life, as a part of our given right, God-given right if you use that language, then it’s okay for women to love, and it’s okay for women to love her sexual feelings as well.
About Dr. Ogden, Ph.D.:
Dr. Gina Ogden, Ph.D., earned her doctorate in sexology from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California, where she is now an associate professor. Her M.A. is in family therapy from Goddard College in Plainfield, Vermont and her B.A. is in English literature, from Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts. She has received grants for her work on sexuality and spirituality from Harvard Divinity School's Institute for the Study of World Religions and from the Foundation for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.
Visit Dr. Ogden at her Web site