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Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous April 9, 2009 - 11:14am
 
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 47 and had my first child a year ago...completely naturally, without any drugs or fertility treatments.

He is amazing...happy, healthy, intelligent and currently featured in a baby magazine. I was told I had a less than 1% chance at my age to have a baby and even if I was to get pregnant that the child would most likely not be 'viable'. (This from a $300 a hour gynecologist who told me to either adopt or find an egg donor...4 years prior to becoming pregnant)

DON'T believe the naysayers!!! It is completely possible! In addition, you're not too old. I'm having a blast as is my husband. We have the knowledge, time and money to give our child 100%.

Over the past year I have observed in my 'mommy and me group' countless other children of 'younger' mothers where the little one's are shy, timid, sickly or introverted. My son is the opposite. Happy, outgoing, hasn't had a cold and approaches everyone young and old. I believe it's because of the time and attention he gets from his 'older parents'.

My advice...GO FOR IT!!! Good luck!

August 28, 2017 - 5:48pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi dear, Just want to send you support and tell you enjoy life to the fullest. I am 45 with four children! ages 20,16,9,3. Don't let anyone steal your joy for wanting to have another baby.
They are pure gifts! Best wishes

August 6, 2017 - 5:18pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 44 and have a 14 month old and 9 year old- they are the love of my life. The OB who delivered the last baby was 44 and 46 with her kids, and told me if your body is healthy, you can have a healthy delivery/pregnancy. If your heart wants it, and your body can do it- don't think about it twice-God bless you! My Mom was 40 and 42 when she had us (got married at 39) and said we kept her young. That was in the 1970's! Good luck, and best wishes!

August 5, 2017 - 9:50am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I don't agree with having children at 45. The biggest concerns are related to premature birth, downs, etc. Children are born perfectly healthy to older mothers, but the chances of genetic issues popping up are greatly increased. I had both my children at 27 and 32. I'm 45 now and can't imagine going through a pregnancy at my age. I'm healthy, don't take any meds nor overweight, but I also get tired quicker now too. You may feel ok in your mid 40's, but what about 5-6 years later when you're going through menopause?! Food for thought........

July 1, 2017 - 6:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 44 years old and am 5 weeks pregnant. I have 3 other children, 26, 16, and 10. I would be over the moon with joy except that I am pregnant by a man (Brent) who is engaged to somebody else. A little back story: Brent and I dated about 22 years ago when I was wild and uncertain. Fast forward 22 years and we are absolutely in love with each other. Unfortunately, he is engaged to somebody else with whom he just bought a house with. He has told me from the first few times we started seeing each other again that he knows he wants to be with me, but has so much money invested in his current relationship. Apparently she is holding on to almost 100k of his money. He doesn't know when he's going to leave the relationship, and since I told him I was pregnant, hes been very distant. I don't think I can go to the "clinic" as I've done it before and swore I'd never do it again. However, I don't want to ruin his life with a baby. I'm afraid if I choose to keep the baby, he will resent me for it. He is a very kind and generous man who cares deeply about how his actions affect others. To top it off, I am 7 months shy of getting my degree, so my income is minimal at best. I want to stress that in all my 44 years, I have never been so madly in love with anybody. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and have never made that claim about anybody. Something else interesting is that his doctors have been telling him for years that he is unable to have children. Him and his ex-wife tried for over 6 years with no luck. The very first time we had sex, I got pregnant. And apparently, 44 year old women have a 6-7% chance of getting pregnant on their own. I believe this baby is a miracle, but I'm afraid of losing the only man I have ever loved. Any advice?? Please, I need some support. I can't tell a single soul about my pregnancy to protect his situation.

June 25, 2017 - 5:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I feel you! I'm 45 just found out I'm also progress! I'm going Thur a divorce of 20 yrs got with a man that has been after me for 5 yrs! He is 11 yrs younger! I am very happy but I didn't think this would happen!
He is so excited and he treats me so good but this is so much to handle at one time!

August 27, 2017 - 5:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Have the baby and do the best you can. If Brent wanted to share the rest of his life with you, he would be with you now. Life is too short to make it complicated. The child needs and wants your love. Focus on that

July 31, 2017 - 6:33pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wow! You have a lot to deal with! I'm 45 and now thinking of having a baby. Please try not to stress about Brent! I feel and pray that he'll come around eventually. Just take care of yourself!!! Big hugs and prayers !

July 10, 2017 - 7:26am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I can understand why you feel this baby is such a blessing, because I felt exactly the same way when I fell pregnant aged 42. I had 4 kids the youngest was 12, from my first marriage. After moving in with a man who had no kids of his own and seeing how brilliant he was with my kids, I thought it would a sound idea, but at 8 weeks I began bleeding and at 10 weeks I lost it. This had never happened to me before and it stirred up emotions I had never had to deal with, not least realising that deep down I maybe did want another child. A year later I fell pregnant again and although terrified, decided to go ahead with it again even though it would have meant that I would have been 8 months pregnant on my planned wedding day. At 16 weeks, I had another miscarriage, quite possibly the most traumatic thing I have ever been through. I won't get too graphic, but no one can prepare you for losing a child at 16 weeks. While I was still trying to come to terms with this miscarriage, still planning the wedding and trying to get on with life, only a month later I was pregnant again. I found out on Monday and was getting married Friday of the same week. I couldn't tell anyone not even my hubby to be because I didn't want it to over-shadow the wedding and was convinced I would start bleeding any day. I told him on the wedding night and we agreed not to discuss it until we were back from honeymoon. The doctor advised a termination as I was now 44 years old, but I had convinced myself that I would lose it anyway and basically waited for history to repeat itself. It didn't and I spent every day for 9 months waiting to miscarry. He was born at Christmas, perfectly healthy after a very long labour. No one explained that if you have a 14 year gap between babies, it's like starting all over again. Anyway I am delighted he is here but in lots of ways I feel like I am his grandmother not his mum. He is due to start school soon and I know I will standing in the playground with parents who are the same age as my other kids. Having a baby at 45 years old is totally and utterly exhausting and unless you have 100% support and 24 hour help at the start I would not recommend it to anyone whoever you are. With hindsight I feel selfish because I know that when I am 60 he will only be 15 and who knows what his future will be like. I guess I am even more scared for him as he is autistic. But these are the risks I took so have no one to turn to now.

July 2, 2017 - 12:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Grow up. If he felt the same way about you money wouldn't be an issue. Hes playing you. Think about the priceless miracle in your body.

July 1, 2017 - 10:01pm
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