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Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous April 9, 2009 - 11:14am
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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EmpowHER Guest

This thread has been so helpful. I wrote previously about being 45 and having a 26 year old boyfriend. The ONLY thing that keeps up from being forever partners is that I'll be too old to give him babies when he is ready to have them. Mine are already almost grown. I'd be happy to make a baby and carry one, but he's still a few years away from being ready. This is so sad.

February 6, 2017 - 9:53am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm 44, divorced with no children and am in a relationship with a lovely man who has two kids, 9 and 13. He has been slow to admit it, because I know he wants to make me happy, but I see now that he doesn't want more children - I am at a crossroads.
I either leave the relationship and try to have a child on my own or get involved in a new relationship- or I stay with him and two children who don't really accept me and risk perpetual resentment (toward him).
I'm wondering if it would even be enjoyable to have a child alone? I have a full-time job and I know that it would be very difficult to be a good parent with the time I have...

February 4, 2017 - 11:35am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

There is no right or wrong answer here - opinions should not matter because nobody will have to live with the decisions other than you.

Single parenting is very hard - emotionally, physically and financially. But people do it. If you are financially ok and will have a good support system as well as good male role models - why not? Many parents work full-time but you will have to devote all other hours to your child. Every free hour of ever yday. Me-time will have to take a backseat for many years. You need to be ok with that.

However, you are 44 and odds are you may need help to get pregnant. You don't have time to get into a new relationship and become established enough as a couple to have a child together. That's just the biology and timing around it.

Unfortunately this is something you can't ponder any more; time is crucial.

Another thing to ask: can I be happy without this relationship or can I be happy without a child? This may help you to see things more clearly.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. This is a really hard decision.

February 7, 2017 - 1:46pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have 5 children..21, 14, 6, 5 and 3. My husband (51) and I (43) spent the last 11 months NTNP...and nothing happened ....I assume due to age. I was on another site, that I have deleted my account with, where a woman said to me, "Aren't you in your 40s? Don't you already have like 5 kids or something? You are quite selfish for posting here when some women don't even have a first or second baby. You're too old." I was devastated by her comment. I had already made up my mind to give up, but to have a no-faced stranger, hiding behind their computer say something so blatantly rude was superbly difficult. I say, you're mind is up for it, and you feel like a baby is supposed to be in your life...then YOU DO IT!!!!!! God Speed!!!!!!!

January 14, 2017 - 5:02pm
EmpowHER Guest

It has been very tough dealing with 6 much older kids (all in their 20s and late teens) and dealing with the little one's baby, toddler, small child needs. It definitely is difficult to "start over" again, and I REALLY felt my lack of freedom with having another baby. I have had to reprioritize my mind, over and over again, and change my life, lifestyle, schedule. I've had to remain very open minded and flexible, and if something isn't working I need to change things and fast! All of these characteristics I have found to be easier now that I am older (I am 50 now and my little one is 5). I truly think this experience has made me a better person, a better mother, a better daughter, and it has certainly made me feel like I can accomplish anything with some hard work and patience.
I won't lie, it has been a difficult, tiring, frustrating journey, but at the same time it's been so happy, rewarding, fulfilling. I feel younger and stronger than I'm sure most 50 year old women, I am in the process of menopause now, and not having an easy journey with that, but I'm sure because I am distracted by a 5 year old, I'm certainly not dwelling on those hardships.
Take one day at a time, keep your mind and heart open, be healthy and forge ahead!!! Life is what you make it, everything worth having is worth working hard at. I hope this helps!!

January 9, 2017 - 10:57am
EmpowHER Guest

I had my 4th baby at the age of 45, my husband was 46. We both came into the relationship with 3 each, their ages at the time of the new one's arrival was 20, 18, 17, 17, 15 and 13. Our addition to the family is now 5, and the household is still very hectic, messy, loud, happy and lots of times angry.
I delivered her naturally after 5 hours of labour (I had to be induced) with my husband and 20 year old daughter present, she weighed 7lbs 3oz (my smallest baby, but still a perfectly healthy size). In the delivery room I had 2 obstetricians, 2 obstetrical nurses, a pediatrician and a pediatric nurse, we weren't anticipating any health issues but I think this was a standard practice at this hospital. We both received a clean bill of health within 10 minutes of delivery, including a high five from the pediatric team!
She is now 5 and the most energetic, happy, imaginative little person! She is truly our joy, her siblings all adore her and she them. I absolutely cannot imagine my life without her, she is my little best friend, i have no regrets. I would encourage any older woman who wants to have a baby whether it's her first or her 4th to just get started! Worry, fear, exhaustion, frustration is all the same, these emotions have no age restrictions and are not reserved only for the older mom. There will always be obstacles to overcome and hurdles to cross when making and bringing a little life into the world.
We had some heart breaks and fears on the way; we experienced the crushing grief of 2 miscarriages before becoming pregnant with her. I would not have an amnio due to my fear of the possible but slight chances of it inducing a miscarriage, so the duration of the pregnancy my blood ran cold regarding her health. Ultra sounds showed that she had stopped growing at 7 months gestation, only to deliver her at a text book weight on her due date. I was given very little choice regarding an epidural ,with the brief explanation of my increased risk of having a heart attack at my age, although in perfect physical health. She was born with her umbilical cord loosely around her neck. But all the worries and fears and apprehension were laid to rest when she safely emerged.
Our little girl has been and I'm sure will continue to be the light of our lives, we feel privileged and blessed to have her!
So to answer your question? Don't put it off, don't overthink, if a baby is what you want then get making a baby!

November 7, 2016 - 1:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you, I never got to have my "2nd baby" I had twins first and so want another chance, my fiancé has no children, I cannot imagine going through life, without sharing that feeling.....

February 5, 2017 - 2:27pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you. I guess you have given some 45 years old women like me Hope. we've been trying so hard . But now for your word of encouragement. If baby is what you want then get making a baby. We'll do that with much Love .. Thank you - Marilou

January 9, 2017 - 2:05am
EmpowHER Guest

I just read all 300+ comment. I'm 45 now. My periods are regular and I am on the pill. I'm dating a 26 year old who wants kids...but not yet. My oldest is grown and the other is in her late teens. If I wait, I'm in serious risk for having a child with special needs. I don't want to knowingly do that. I may have to back out of this very loving relationship because I can't give him a baby in a a few years. This makes me so sad.

September 26, 2016 - 10:15am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Similar situation... My gf was 33 at the time and I was 44. I already had three smart, athletic and fun daughters... She didn't want kids at the beginning of our relationship but she changed her mind after a couple of years... We broke up over a year ago... I will give my life for any of my daughters: but starting over at 45 !!! I think that you are making the right decision to let him go and make his own family. My ex is getting married soon and I'm enjoying my kids and single life. I bet that he enjoyed dating you!!! good luck.. He will be fine, and you too!

September 26, 2016 - 2:04pm
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