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Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous April 9, 2009 - 11:14am
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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EmpowHER Guest

I had my son at 44, and had no intentions of having a baby. There was slight complications, due to my age, but I do not regret it! I think that when you are older that you are more stable and responsible, but time is time, and your body does wear more easily, no matter how fit you are. You may also not be around as long as you may want to see your child grow older. There are a lot of variables, but all in all, it's well worth it!!!

March 19, 2017 - 8:18pm
EmpowHER Guest

This thread has been so helpful. I wrote previously about being 45 and having a 26 year old boyfriend. The ONLY thing that keeps up from being forever partners is that I'll be too old to give him babies when he is ready to have them. Mine are already almost grown. I'd be happy to make a baby and carry one, but he's still a few years away from being ready. This is so sad.

February 6, 2017 - 9:53am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm 44, divorced with no children and am in a relationship with a lovely man who has two kids, 9 and 13. He has been slow to admit it, because I know he wants to make me happy, but I see now that he doesn't want more children - I am at a crossroads.
I either leave the relationship and try to have a child on my own or get involved in a new relationship- or I stay with him and two children who don't really accept me and risk perpetual resentment (toward him).
I'm wondering if it would even be enjoyable to have a child alone? I have a full-time job and I know that it would be very difficult to be a good parent with the time I have...

February 4, 2017 - 11:35am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I think if you really want the experience of being a parent you should try. I married and ended up being a single parent so essentially it was the same as raising a child alon8. Don't wait wondering over it time will pass by. 100pc you can raise a child by yourself.

March 14, 2017 - 2:44am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am 45 years old and have been married to my husband for a few years now. He has 3 children (two girls and one boy). I have no children but have miscarried several times since I was 20 years old. My husband and I decided that we wanted to try for a baby but with no luck.
Knowing my age and having a sister one year younger than myself that is going through menopause I became to think the same was happening to me.
I was sick and had all the symptoms of being pregnant but honestly though nothing of that. So, I dealt with it for a few months and finally I made an appointment with my doctor and what a surprise to find out I was pregnant.
Very pregnant too, i was 26 weeks at time...I really didn't believe it...but then the doctor got the fetal Doppler and wham...there was the heartbeat.
Now, I'm at 30 weeks and beginning to really show and could not be happier.
The doctor had me do so many test to make sure of no illness, diabetes and so forth...everything came back great....no problems except my blood pressure....
I believe that if you want a child in your life at this point in I say if you want to have a baby; go for it....
Mine was a surprise and a pleasant one at that...just when I was ready to forget the idea of having one...my husband and I were truly blessed....
I wish you the best of luck

March 13, 2017 - 6:05am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

This response has given me so much hope. I got married last year to an awesome man who I love dearly. I was divorced with 3 teenaged children.
I want to have a child with my husband so badly. Twice we had miscarriages that pained my heart deeply. The last was just 4 days ago :(. Everyone says it's because I'm old....45 years...but I have not lost my faith.....and this has certainly been an inspiration to me. Thanks so much!

April 20, 2017 - 6:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

You are so very lucky. I am 45 and been with my husband for 3 years. We fell pregnant only 2 months after we got together and this was a miracle as I had never been pregnant before. Unfortunately I miscarried at 6 weeks. We were devasted. 2 years on still nothing so looks like it's just not meant to be. I have such sore boobs just now and I do pray every month I will be pregnant but never happens.
I really hope it goes well for you. So happy for you. Take care

March 16, 2017 - 3:10am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

There is no right or wrong answer here - opinions should not matter because nobody will have to live with the decisions other than you.

Single parenting is very hard - emotionally, physically and financially. But people do it. If you are financially ok and will have a good support system as well as good male role models - why not? Many parents work full-time but you will have to devote all other hours to your child. Every free hour of ever yday. Me-time will have to take a backseat for many years. You need to be ok with that.

However, you are 44 and odds are you may need help to get pregnant. You don't have time to get into a new relationship and become established enough as a couple to have a child together. That's just the biology and timing around it.

Unfortunately this is something you can't ponder any more; time is crucial.

Another thing to ask: can I be happy without this relationship or can I be happy without a child? This may help you to see things more clearly.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. This is a really hard decision.

February 7, 2017 - 1:46pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have 5 children..21, 14, 6, 5 and 3. My husband (51) and I (43) spent the last 11 months NTNP...and nothing happened ....I assume due to age. I was on another site, that I have deleted my account with, where a woman said to me, "Aren't you in your 40s? Don't you already have like 5 kids or something? You are quite selfish for posting here when some women don't even have a first or second baby. You're too old." I was devastated by her comment. I had already made up my mind to give up, but to have a no-faced stranger, hiding behind their computer say something so blatantly rude was superbly difficult. I say, you're mind is up for it, and you feel like a baby is supposed to be in your life...then YOU DO IT!!!!!! God Speed!!!!!!!

January 14, 2017 - 5:02pm
EmpowHER Guest

It has been very tough dealing with 6 much older kids (all in their 20s and late teens) and dealing with the little one's baby, toddler, small child needs. It definitely is difficult to "start over" again, and I REALLY felt my lack of freedom with having another baby. I have had to reprioritize my mind, over and over again, and change my life, lifestyle, schedule. I've had to remain very open minded and flexible, and if something isn't working I need to change things and fast! All of these characteristics I have found to be easier now that I am older (I am 50 now and my little one is 5). I truly think this experience has made me a better person, a better mother, a better daughter, and it has certainly made me feel like I can accomplish anything with some hard work and patience.
I won't lie, it has been a difficult, tiring, frustrating journey, but at the same time it's been so happy, rewarding, fulfilling. I feel younger and stronger than I'm sure most 50 year old women, I am in the process of menopause now, and not having an easy journey with that, but I'm sure because I am distracted by a 5 year old, I'm certainly not dwelling on those hardships.
Take one day at a time, keep your mind and heart open, be healthy and forge ahead!!! Life is what you make it, everything worth having is worth working hard at. I hope this helps!!

January 9, 2017 - 10:57am
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