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Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous April 9, 2009 - 11:14am
 
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I don't agree with having children at 45. The biggest concerns are related to premature birth, downs, etc. Children are born perfectly healthy to older mothers, but the chances of genetic issues popping up are greatly increased. I had both my children at 27 and 32. I'm 45 now and can't imagine going through a pregnancy at my age. I'm healthy, don't take any meds nor overweight, but I also get tired quicker now too. You may feel ok in your mid 40's, but what about 5-6 years later when you're going through menopause?! Food for thought........

July 1, 2017 - 6:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 44 years old and am 5 weeks pregnant. I have 3 other children, 26, 16, and 10. I would be over the moon with joy except that I am pregnant by a man (Brent) who is engaged to somebody else. A little back story: Brent and I dated about 22 years ago when I was wild and uncertain. Fast forward 22 years and we are absolutely in love with each other. Unfortunately, he is engaged to somebody else with whom he just bought a house with. He has told me from the first few times we started seeing each other again that he knows he wants to be with me, but has so much money invested in his current relationship. Apparently she is holding on to almost 100k of his money. He doesn't know when he's going to leave the relationship, and since I told him I was pregnant, hes been very distant. I don't think I can go to the "clinic" as I've done it before and swore I'd never do it again. However, I don't want to ruin his life with a baby. I'm afraid if I choose to keep the baby, he will resent me for it. He is a very kind and generous man who cares deeply about how his actions affect others. To top it off, I am 7 months shy of getting my degree, so my income is minimal at best. I want to stress that in all my 44 years, I have never been so madly in love with anybody. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and have never made that claim about anybody. Something else interesting is that his doctors have been telling him for years that he is unable to have children. Him and his ex-wife tried for over 6 years with no luck. The very first time we had sex, I got pregnant. And apparently, 44 year old women have a 6-7% chance of getting pregnant on their own. I believe this baby is a miracle, but I'm afraid of losing the only man I have ever loved. Any advice?? Please, I need some support. I can't tell a single soul about my pregnancy to protect his situation.

June 25, 2017 - 5:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wow! You have a lot to deal with! I'm 45 and now thinking of having a baby. Please try not to stress about Brent! I feel and pray that he'll come around eventually. Just take care of yourself!!! Big hugs and prayers !

July 10, 2017 - 7:26am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I can understand why you feel this baby is such a blessing, because I felt exactly the same way when I fell pregnant aged 42. I had 4 kids the youngest was 12, from my first marriage. After moving in with a man who had no kids of his own and seeing how brilliant he was with my kids, I thought it would a sound idea, but at 8 weeks I began bleeding and at 10 weeks I lost it. This had never happened to me before and it stirred up emotions I had never had to deal with, not least realising that deep down I maybe did want another child. A year later I fell pregnant again and although terrified, decided to go ahead with it again even though it would have meant that I would have been 8 months pregnant on my planned wedding day. At 16 weeks, I had another miscarriage, quite possibly the most traumatic thing I have ever been through. I won't get too graphic, but no one can prepare you for losing a child at 16 weeks. While I was still trying to come to terms with this miscarriage, still planning the wedding and trying to get on with life, only a month later I was pregnant again. I found out on Monday and was getting married Friday of the same week. I couldn't tell anyone not even my hubby to be because I didn't want it to over-shadow the wedding and was convinced I would start bleeding any day. I told him on the wedding night and we agreed not to discuss it until we were back from honeymoon. The doctor advised a termination as I was now 44 years old, but I had convinced myself that I would lose it anyway and basically waited for history to repeat itself. It didn't and I spent every day for 9 months waiting to miscarry. He was born at Christmas, perfectly healthy after a very long labour. No one explained that if you have a 14 year gap between babies, it's like starting all over again. Anyway I am delighted he is here but in lots of ways I feel like I am his grandmother not his mum. He is due to start school soon and I know I will standing in the playground with parents who are the same age as my other kids. Having a baby at 45 years old is totally and utterly exhausting and unless you have 100% support and 24 hour help at the start I would not recommend it to anyone whoever you are. With hindsight I feel selfish because I know that when I am 60 he will only be 15 and who knows what his future will be like. I guess I am even more scared for him as he is autistic. But these are the risks I took so have no one to turn to now.

July 2, 2017 - 12:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Grow up. If he felt the same way about you money wouldn't be an issue. Hes playing you. Think about the priceless miracle in your body.

July 1, 2017 - 10:01pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hello I have a simular situation, I got pregnant at 44, by a Man, I was in a relationship with for 2 yrs, , never thought i could get pregnant, he didn't want I did, cause I didn't want to get rid of this baby I felt was a miracle, so I decided to have my baby no matter the downfalls, I turnt 45, I gave birth early, unexpected to my first ever baby GIRL, and have 3 some already, I'm over joyed, I can care less what anyone feels or think, GOD will make a way out of no way, believe it or not HE loves this baby, He's at the hospital (NICU) MORE than me, crying, praying for her growth and strength, She's a preemie , but she's a FIGHTER and I wouldn't have done it any other way, if I had to do it again, so sit down and really think about it and do what's best for you, your life is yours and His is His, He gonna do what He gonna do no matter what, good luck

June 26, 2017 - 11:34am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I spent the 1990s being pregnant and had 4 kids from 1990 to 1998. When my youngest was 6 years old, my husband and I divorced and I embraced life as a single parent. Me and the kids were a real team and I loved my life, watching them grow and blossom. Fast forward to 2012 and with my new husband I find myself pregnant again. My youngest was 14 years old and basically the kids were off hand and we were enjoying a great new life together. My new husband had no kids of his own but made a great step dad so after lots of heavy discussions and debating we agreed to go ahead with the pregnancy even though there could have been health risks to a 44 year old. He is 4 and a half now and all I can say is, although we wouldn't be without him, having a child later in life, after already having 4 needs lots of thought, not least because when he is 15 I'll be 60, whereas my oldest child will be 40! I should also point out that my main reasons for concern is that out of my 5 kids, 3 of them (the boys) are autistic. On the plus side, having a baby later means I am very relaxed and laid back and have less money concerns. These is just my personal point of view.

June 23, 2017 - 8:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 43 years old and my husband is also same age. I have two daughter now i want anather baby. What i do for conceive natural.

May 8, 2017 - 1:24am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I had my son at 44, and had no intentions of having a baby. There was slight complications, due to my age, but I do not regret it! I think that when you are older that you are more stable and responsible, but time is time, and your body does wear more easily, no matter how fit you are. You may also not be around as long as you may want to see your child grow older. There are a lot of variables, but all in all, it's well worth it!!!

March 19, 2017 - 8:18pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

This thread has been so helpful. I wrote previously about being 45 and having a 26 year old boyfriend. The ONLY thing that keeps up from being forever partners is that I'll be too old to give him babies when he is ready to have them. Mine are already almost grown. I'd be happy to make a baby and carry one, but he's still a few years away from being ready. This is so sad.

February 6, 2017 - 9:53am
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