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ask: Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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EmpowHER Guest

Please don't! I'm 16 and my mom gave birth to two children in her forties, a boy when she was 40 and a girl when she was 44. We LOVE THEM TO DEATH, but if I could go back in time I'd erase at least the baby girl that my mom had at 44, as you get older your body changes, pregnancy destroyed my mom's body! When the baby arrives the fun truly starts! Breastfeeding, staying up late ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and all the other things that come with having a baby. I want you to think about THIS point, if you have this baby when you're 46, when he or she is 15, you're gonna be 61! Can you handle a teenager at 61?! What guarantee do you have that you won't die when the baby is still young? Do you think it's fair to bring a child to this world when you're already 45?

September 2, 2015 - 10:13pm

I don't think 45 is too old to have a baby,, sometimes due to circumstances, we reach our "best" life later in life and why not want to have it all? I was divorced after 21 years of marriage ,had 5 children. Three years later, I reunited with a former classmate from 3rd grade. He had been married, divorced and no kids of his own, though he did raise a foster child. At 41, I had our first child, a son and earlier this year at 43 we had a daughter. Both pregnancies were uneventful, healthy and the babies are perfect! There is a 26 year difference between my oldest and youngest child, but life is as good as can be for all of us. At first the idea of having a child later in life was a bit scary, I mostly worried about not being around as long for the baby given my age. I also thought of how I would be the older parent at Dr. appts, and later on at school events. In the end I had to consider how much my husband wanted to be a father, and how I wanted to have a full life, no limitations, with the amazing person who chose me to be in his life. I prayed for the best outcome and here we are,, busy parents to two babies under 2 and my 7 year old. If you decide to have a baby, don't delay.. We were fortunate to get pregnant easily but that's not always the case. I wish you all the best,, life is what you make it, age is but a number..stay healthy, be happy!

August 4, 2015 - 1:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Luckygal)

Sorry, I have to disagree with you at 45. Some of us have to look after our dying cancer mother in our late 20s and part if our 30s. So, our lives were on hold. Then you go dating again after loosing a loved one just to find asshole damaged baggage jerks from a slut who screwed him out of money and gets pregnant to trap him for more money.
So, having a baby when the situation is perfect, your not the only opinion that matters. Some of us women don't force men to marry us and have a baby. Wake up 2015, women are very independent we can do it on our own, get with the times.

August 13, 2015 - 6:27pm
EmpowHER Guest

If you decide to have a baby, don't delay by a single day. Try, pray, hope...

July 31, 2015 - 12:54pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am 45 and currently trying with my partner/soon to be husband. I wanted more children despite my two boys being 25 and 26. My last partner was selfish and during the four years I was with him he didn't want children and he didn't have any from any other relationships. In the end I just knew our needs were different. I met my partner with children from another marriage also in their twenties and he is 54. The best job either of us have ever had is being a parent and soooo hoping we can seal our love together by having a baby together . I suppose I am saying don't waste time, its time you could be spending with your new baby.

July 30, 2015 - 12:18pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I have just found out I'm pregnant a week before I turn 45 . It is a complete shock!! My husband and I have been together since I was 15 and have 6 children ranging from 25 down to 7 , also a granddaughter . At the moment I am scared stiff and we have decided not to keep the baby. I feel.i just have my life back after all these years but my heart is breaking at what could be

August 25, 2015 - 12:04am
klg0275 (reply to Anonymous)

Im 40 just found out yesterday I'm 5 weeks, my husband and I have 3 children 11,8,and6.. We were just getting comfortable, a little freedom. No big car seats, no big babie carrier, no diaper bag...ect.
I'm in shock, I can't imagine the other alternatives.. But I can't imagine a new born either! theres so many scenarios flyin through my head..what ifs, and now whats.. I know I have to call my dr., gotta get meds switched, gotta do many drs. Appts. My job!? Lots of lifting! My insurance!? I understand your fears! Im feeling the sameway...its not morning sickness! its stress! Its not good for the baby! But is the baby good for me? Please keep in touch, and hang in there! All I can do is trust gods decision, because I look at my kids and can't imagine haven done the alternative!

September 3, 2015 - 5:49am
jslusher (reply to Anonymous)

Life is so funny...I am almost 44 and can't get pregnant. We are trying to adopt with no luck so far. Have you considered that as an option?

August 25, 2015 - 8:43am
EmpowHER Guest

I read all the comments and all are very helpful, especially the one saying that the man doesn't have baby in his first marriage, as i can relate to that issue. Thank you very much and more power to all.

July 30, 2015 - 4:40am
EmpowHER Guest

I think this might be a mistake. I think you should enjoy the children you have, and enjoy your life with your new husband. As well as being high-risk, having a baby in your mid-late 40's will be tremendously stressful even if everything goes perfectly. A lot of marriages don't survive this kind of stress. At least make sure you and your husband are fully aware of the risks.

July 20, 2015 - 4:37pm
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