ask: Is 45 too old to have a baby??

To share a child's perspective, I think it would be great for you to have a baby at your age as long as you are both healthy; living healthy lifestyles and staying up-to-date with any medical conditions.

I say this because if you had a baby at 45 years old, you would be 66 when you child turns 21. As a 23-year-old, I know how important my parents still are for me. While parents are important at any age, they are particularly pivotal until their child can completely support him/herself.

Of course, many circumstances revolving around death are unpredictable, but you should consider both the perspective of the parent and the child when making this decision.

Good luck with your decision!

Please share your choice and if you feel comfortable, the reasons you make the decision you do.

Hi anon,
Interesting question...how old is too old to have a baby?

I would love to hear what your thoughts are, as the pros and cons that everyone will provide are most likely the ones you already know. I'm wondering if anyone can really tell you anything you haven't thought of yet? Are you hoping for some inspiration or motivation to make a choice?

I assume the cons are most likely what you will hear the most, as it takes even longer to conceive after the "magical age" of 35, and if/when you conceive, there are higher risks for miscarriage, pre-mature birth, birth defects and so on. Your health and your husbands health are factors, too.

The pros for having children later in life are also plentiful. The phrase "older and wiser" is really true with children, as you have more real-life experiences that will help you parent your child, and as a parent already, you have parenting-skills fined-tuned. You may have more patience, not feel like you are "missing out" on a night-life, etc. You may be more financially secure as well, and feel like you can provide more one-on-one attention without as many distractions.

The question really comes down to you and your husband. There are many women having children in their early-40s, and this is becoming more socially acceptable. Women in their mid-40s and upper-40s is not as common. How would you feel being 5-10 years older than other moms, as far as having the emotional and social support that is so crucial with a newborn, infant and toddler? What are the pros and cons of having a "second family" and another child going into high school and college, once your older children are likely having children of their own?

Are you most concerned with the health-aspects of having a child in your late-40s, whether it be your health, or the health of the baby? I think a real question to ask yourselves is: with an increased chance of a baby with birth defects, what genetic testing would you do, and what would you do if the results came back positive? (Honestly, I think every person and couple having a baby should think about this, regardless of age!).

Are you most concerned about the social aspects of having a child in your late-40s, as far as how old you'll be when they are in high school, college or another milestone? Are you concerned about the social support that you would/would not have? What are your long-term plans for retirement, and are you prepared to have a later-than-typical retirement?

No matter what age of the mom, all of the concerns above are valid and worth thinking-through. It is a tough decision, as women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are having to make choices about having babies and what this does to change their career path, their identity, their social support, finances...everything.

I would love to hear your thoughts! Do you have any questions specifically on how older maternal age impacts the health of the baby or mother, or how it is more beneficial to the baby? Older paternal age is also a factor, that we didn't mention. Let me know if you'd like any additional information, as I'd be happy to research it for you (instead of just my opinion).

Oh, and my last thought. I've realized that when I was trying to decide if it is a "good, smart, wise decision" to have a baby, the answer was always "no". Honestly, it doesn't make sense, if you think about it! Babies and children take time, money, hard-work, patience, dedication, 100% commitment, need constant care and attention, newborns need care 24/7...who would actually say "yes! this sounds like the job for me!?" :-)

I think the reason people have children is because they look at their life years down the road, and see a future with kids. Or, they see a bigger family, or feel like they have more love to give, or some other intangible dream. There are plenty of "reasonable" reasons to not have kids, and the reasons to decide to have kids are primarily the emotional ones...and those intangible reasons can only be made by you and your family.

Hi Anon

Your question is interesting - I have a question though - if you are 45 now and know that time is most definitely not on your side, unfortunately - why do you want to wait up to two years before even trying? This would put you at 47 before you even begin - you could be 50 before feeling a babe in your arms!

If a 45 year old wants to have a baby (and why not?! I'm sure you have much to offer and will be in your 60s when Baby is in college - that's not exactly 'old' in my book - these days there are people running marathons in their 60s!) she needs to start now. Like right now. Like, why are you reading this - go make a baby!

In all seriousness though - as you said - you have kids in their teens and life is good. A baby may add nothing but joy to your family. Or you may find your teens resent it and you are exhausted. Bear in mind also, the enormous expense and the medical risks you take for yourself and the baby. Having a baby close to age 50 is a high risk. And you said you love your independence - you know that all of that will end with a new baby. I'm not sure if you are arguing a case against having a baby, or for having one!

I think that being recently married is making you think about all this. Traditionally, being a newly wed - we often think that babies are the next step. But being middle-aged does put a different spin on that.

Do you miss being pregnant? Would you consider, perhaps, adoption?

But in the end, you won't really know how you feel until you find yourself in that situation and in all honestly, other people's opinions should not factor into your decision - only you and you family matter!

I wonder why you feel at this age, that you should wait a year or two before even trying to conceive? Can you tell us?

It's not too old in my book. When I was growing up, in my neighborhood, the families with lots of kids in them, the mother was always in her 40s by the time the last one came along.

Mrs Blair had a healthy baby (the natural way) at 45. Do not wait for another 2 years. If afraid of defects and if your husband likes and you can afford try going for a younger ovule and your husband's sperm and you can just as well have a healthy child.

You are also going to read that "Women who decide to have a baby at 45 are branded irresponsible" Ignore such comments and keep your body fit and imagine that you are going to live for 50 years more and by then you baby will be 48, 49 and understanding you stand.

--see another piece of info .... internet .. "Having Babies Over 45" UK
With recent advances in technology, women are getting pregnant and having babies later and later. Many are using advanced reproductive technologies, while others are getting pregnant the natural way. While many older women use donor eggs, many are still conceiving with their own eggs in their early and mid forties. While this is great news for women who have put off having children to further their careers, it should not be assumed that it is easy to get pregnant once you have entered your forties. The odds of miscarriage and birth defects increases tremendously.

Also see 'Baby rates doubles in women over 45 in a decade'By JULIE WHELDON
Last updated at 22:00 31 diciembre 2006

Believe in God
Joy

Im 45 and 20 weeks pregnant with my second child, from my second marriage. It was a planned pregnancy and we had a result within 5 months.... I thought my chances of falling pregnant would be very slim indeed. My daughter is 14 and so excited about getting a little sister. I had an amnio, knowing I was high risk but the results came back clear and now I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy after a knuckle biting "I hope all is well and what if its not" period.
At 40 I wanted to be sterilised, having no intention of settling down again and the thought of remarriage was a total no no! But I met a wonderful man and have started over again. At a time when my career was on upturn Ive had to make a sacrifice where that is concerned but Im happy with my choice. I dont know what a 45 year old is meant to feel like! But I have a youthful outlook to life, Im not worried what others think: that only puts un necessary pressure on you and your family.
Best wishes, whatever you decide!