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Is 45 too old to have a baby??

By Anonymous April 9, 2009 - 11:14am
 
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I'm recently married and my new husband and I have started talking about having a baby together. Not right away, but maybe we'd start trying in the next year or two. I have a couple of teenagers from my previous marriage and this is his first marriage (no kids). The problem is timing - we're not getting any younger!! We're both in our 40's - I'll be turning 45 later this year, and when I had my last baby at age 31, I thought I was totally done having kids. I never would have dreamed I'd even be thinking about another baby, but of course I never ever dreamed I'd get divorced and then remarried.

My question to other moms out there is what your opinion is on having a baby later in life. I'd love to know ALL your feelings on this. At the moment, I'm so enjoying my teenagers and love the fact that they're each becoming so independent and that we can do so many fun things together. I love my independence as well, and how much easier this part of my life is. As much as I'd love to have a baby with my husband at some point, I'm wondering if adding a new baby into the mix would be completely insane at this "middle-aged" stage of the game. What do you think? I could sure use some advice!

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Anonymous

The most important thing is the love and involvement you have with your children ....especially when they're young and forming the foundation of their little personalities. Reading a lot of these comments, people focus on ho "old" you'll be when your child is in their 20's, or whether you'll even be alive!!! Personally, I believe you can give your child an amazing foundation as a parent -- whether that's five or fifteen or fifty years!!! If you raise them with love and respect, all else will work out!! I have five children 3 - -22 and 3 grandchildren. The easiest child has been my last when I gave birth at 42 -- go with your heart. Each age has its challenges.

April 19, 2016 - 8:37pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 44 and just lost my only biological child to a MVA. I have three very precious step-children who are all grown. My husband and I are considering having a baby. I have considered all of these comments as this is a huge decision. Regarding OLD FOLKS embarrassing the teen at school...I would have to say we are as young as we feel. If you do not think you will be involved in your child's life when it comes to sporting events, sleep overs, movie nights, outdoor adventures...then do not have a baby. If you know you are up for it and plan to be an active parent then go for it. I personally feel like the child I lost is the most perfect and I do not need to have another one to make myself feel any better...there is no getting over the loss of a child. My husband is totally on board and actually excited about having a baby. All I know is I am going to put in some serious prayer time on this topic. If God wants me to have a baby, then I will. Good luck on your decision.

April 2, 2016 - 3:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

If you have a baby at 45, when the baby is your age now, you will be 90 or more than likely dead.

January 27, 2016 - 12:57am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

What does it matter? I am 45 and my mother is just 63 but I have no relationship with her. I would rather have a 90 year old mother who I loved and loved me back than a 63 year old mother who I have no relationship with. Get out of the box, please....

April 20, 2016 - 9:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

First, that's not necessarily true. I'm 45 and one of my closest friends is an extremely healthy 81 years old. My grandmother is more than 90 and she's totally healthy. My great-grandmother, rest her soul, lived passed 102.

Second, parents die, that's what happens in the cycle of life. Sometimes parents die DURING childbirth. Sometimes they die when their children are 5 years old, 12 years old, 19 years old, 30 years old, 60 years old.... Only GOD knows in advance. Anyway, I'd rather have 45 wonderful years with my parents and/or offspring, than no years at all.

Finally, the subtext of your answer strikes me as carrying an unfounded bias towards those who decide to reproduce in their 20s or 30s. I know many people my age who have newborns and their families are thriving!

April 18, 2016 - 11:39am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Your comment is ridiculous, no one lives forever. Being a young parent does not guarantee you a long life, any more than being an older one. Young or old, I would not waste time figuring in my mind how long I may or may not live.

January 27, 2016 - 9:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

So this isn't me but more my dad and his wife. My mom, my dad, and my stepmom were all the same age and went to school together. My stepmom got herself caught up with another guy right after school had a baby at 20 and another at 24. My mom and my dad got married and had me and my two sisters at 24, 27, and 29 respectively. My dad and my mom fought a lot and one night while my mom was pregnant he went and sleeped with my stepmom resulting in my other sister when they all were 30.

12 years pass no more kids everyone is growing up. My stepmom and my dad get married. Her doctor told her she couldn't have another kid so they didn't bother with protection they are 42 what does it matter. They tried for years but gave up. They are going to have a granddaughter in a month.

Well my stepmom found out she was pregnant yet again at 42! She freaked. I remember it to this day. Her oldest was pregnant and so was she!

Around 6 months later she had a perfectly healthy little girl. She is my baby sister and is now 27. She is perfectly fine. I asked my stepmom would she rather have a baby in her 20s or 40s. She said 40s.

She says that even though you are the old parent, you have lived your life and will give that child so much love. She felt more prepared later in life. She wanted to run around and did with her first two kids and even a little bit with the third. While with the baby in her fourties she cared more for the kid and was able to spend a lot of time with her. She says if you want a baby go for it! Even if it isn't your own and you adopt.

January 14, 2016 - 7:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am 43 and have kids from ages 2-24. My husband and I find life with our children much more enjoyable now that we are older. i was more task driven when my older children were younger. Keeping up on kids activities and being busy doesn't make you good parents. Spending time, listening to them, and maybe just an evening relaxing , enjoying them with a game is something they might cherish more.

January 1, 2016 - 6:27am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

is it fair to a kid to have old parents? You get pregnant at 46... You have it when you are 47. Your child is going to be 13 years old when you are 60? Prime age to start the teen years, sports, activities, team drama, etc. You don't need a kid to be happier! You happiness is within you!!! it doesn't depend of external actions. I'm a young parent and its very sad to hear stories of my teen friends being embarrass of having old folks. They always complain that their parents don't participate in their lives. They just provide stuff for them... Sorry, but that's another angle that you need to consider. Perfect age to have a kid... early thirties.... I had them in my mid 20s.

December 17, 2015 - 3:18pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Age has little to do with parent involvement. Older parents are more financially stable and have more time to be involved. So what if she's 60 with a 13 year old! I have many friends who had a child well into their 40's, even 50! They have boundless energy to keep up and are SO involved with their children's activities. They also have mature appreciation of the gift they've been given.

If your 'friends' are embarrassed by their 'old folks', sounds like the perfect opportunity to help them grow and become better people.

Kids keep parents young. If a 40+ woman wants to have a child, more power to her!

March 17, 2016 - 10:02pm
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