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Dealing with divorce and a restraining order?

By June 12, 2010 - 10:55am
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I just recently divorced and it has been extremely traumatic. My marriage to Neil Z was quite brief; after about 10 months I filed for divorce. And shortly after that, on March 19, 2010, I filed an Order of Protection (restraining order) with the Superior Court in Phoenix, and he was subsequently served on April 30. One challenging aspect of this has been the fact that Neil is in law enforcement, as an air marshal with TSA. The amount of mental anguish and emotional stress and general fear that I've been dealing with in filing this restraining order has overwhelmed me.

I'm reaching out to see if there are others who are dealing with or have dealt with filing a restraining order against a spouse or significant other. Did it make things worse and more stressful for you to have a restraining order in place? Was it a good decision for you? Did the person finally leave you alone? And what do you do when the restraining order is no longer valid after the one-year period goes by?

I'd also like to know of any divorce and domestic violence resources that are out there. I'd like to get on the road to recovery, and I'm interested in joining a support group, but I have no idea where to turn. I'm in the Phoenix area and would appreciate any words of wisdom from our EmpowHER community.

Thanks so much!!

Add a Comment33 Comments

I am sorry you went through this. Whenever there is domestic violence present, getting a restraining order can be the best way to protect yourself and your safety. However, the problem is that many don't know what documents are involved in getting one, which is the number one reason why one would be denied! http://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/domestic-violence/restraining-orders/help-how-to-dv-restraining-order-process.aspx

May 27, 2013 - 8:07am

I hope you have found the help and resources you need! For any victim of domestic violence in New Jersey looking for help with filing for a restraining order, here's what the actual paperwork looks like: http://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/domestic-violence/restraining-orders/temporary-protection-whatis-howtoget.aspx

December 16, 2012 - 7:05pm

Kristin- Have you contacted the TSA Office of Inspections to report this information? If not, contact me off-line.

September 22, 2010 - 10:48pm


I'm so happy to read your updates, and to hear that your conditions were met and that you didn't budge. There is huge strength in that. And comfort. And healing.

Despite all the fear and worry, you believed in yourself. Because of that, you have moved forward -- and by blogging, you are helping others find their way as well.

Well done, Kristin. Well done.

June 30, 2010 - 10:05am
(reply to Diane Porter)

Thanks, Diane!! Your kind words and ongoing support mean so much!!!! :)

June 30, 2010 - 11:10am
HERWriter Guide

Kristin - I believe everything happens for a reason, and am sure that you are going to make a real difference to the Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence. I'm going to assume that it's in a nice, professional building since I happen to know you work for an excellent, professional organization. The more that can be done to stop the stereotyping of domestic violence victims as "those" women and help the public realize that this can happen to any woman, from any walk of life or income level, the easier it will be to get much needed donations, support and volunteers. I wish you well and invite you to start a new thread on the site as you discover more about the organization and its work.
Take care, Pat

June 29, 2010 - 5:42pm

Well, I've been blogging about my ordeal, and one of my posts is currently on the home page of BlogHer!

Blogging about it all is so therapeutic, and I'm hoping to eventually build my blog into a resource for women who are faced with having to file an Order of Protection against their significant other.

Today I just discovered a very odd coincidence.....the Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence recently moved into our high-rise, and is located just one floor above where I work. How weird is that?? I've contacted the Executive Director and hope to start volunteering or contributing in some way to help other women who are dealing with what I've gone through.

I'm feeling a lot of hope now -- like I'm getting back in the game. :)

July 30, 2010 - 10:33pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am here anytime, Kristin.

I loved the commentary also! Awe-inspiring, indeed!

Thank you for sharing it!

June 28, 2010 - 1:54pm
EmpowHER Guest


With my ordeal, I have just became very comfortable within my own person. That's what made me stronger as time progressed. The fear of being alone or doing things myself, I have surpassed. I own my own home at the ripe age of 33 and have since I was 28. Yes, things have gone wrong but thank God for The Google (quoting a previous Vice President). There is always an answer for EVERYTHING on Google.

I will be honest and say things get tough sometimes but all in all, I am a very happy person now. I have even started to study for the GRE for the inevitable PhD! Yes, Ma'am. I have learned that no one will ever be able to take my intelligence from me and if I just don't find that right person to share my life with, well, I better gosh darn be rich then! Sounds like a great deal to me!


To the Super-Women of the world! Let our legacy begin!

June 27, 2010 - 8:12am
(reply to Anonymous)

Go YOU!!! Missie, I love your attitude! And how awesome to go after a PhD. Wow -- that's incredible. And I'm sure you will do it.

I want to share a fantastic commencement address that Gail Collins (NY Times columnist) made at Mt. Holyoke College recently. She talks about the strides we've made as strong women, but also the areas we need to work more on (ie: domestic violence), and it's a really inspiring speech.....http://www.mtholyoke.edu/commencement/address_collins.html

A classmate of mine from Mt. Holyoke emailed it to me yesterday, and it was just what I needed to read. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we're not in this alone -- that there are so many other strong women out there who have been where we are and that we can lean on when we need to.

Thanks for being there, Missie!! You are an incredible support and your comments make me feel so much better. :)

June 27, 2010 - 10:00am
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