Hil, I want advice on how to interact with a loved one that is passive aggressive. From the symptoms of passive aggressiveness described on one of the threads of empowher, I see that this person falls almost smack into this category. The behaviour of this loved one is affecting the quality of my life. I feel helpless, especially when I get the silent treatment when I confront & this goes on for days. And in the end somehow manages to blame me for everything. I don't see much hope for improvement since this person is older & probably has behaved this way for a long time. Could be chronic.
Help!!! :)
lkam
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Interestingly enough, a colleague at work and I had a discussion on this subject, just today! There's a person in our office who is passive/aggressive and very challenging to work with. I called him "reactionary," and she called his behavior "dog with bone in face."
It's probably easier to deal with this type of personality in the workplace than at home. At work, I can confront and document. But, in a personal relationship, confrontation can turn into an ugly situation. Nonetheless, you need to be assertive, without being argumentative. You are not to blame for someone else's shortcomings or poor behavior toward you. The other person needs to learn that you will not be a doormat and that you will hold him/her accountable for what s/he says and does.
If you do not confront this person, you are, in effect, contributing to the perpetuity of the behavior. Don't. It's all a sad "game" with the other person to make you feel guilty for being you.
I'm no psychiatrist, just someone who has been there/done that.
I hope the following information will help you understand this personality disorder:
Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
Let's pose this issue to one of our medical Experts for you. I hope we'll have a response ASAP.
August 14, 2009 - 4:58pmThis Comment
Alysiak, thank you so much for your response. You are so right about this. It is really very hard for me right now. I do confront this person once in a while, and it gets ugly when I do. Either it's silent treatment for days or it's nagging & blaming. As of today the silent treatment has gone on for 6 days. This is after I got bullied over a trivial matter & I retaliated. Today, I pretty much gave an ultimatum and he's starting moving on certain things he should have done a long time ago.
This person unfortunately is my husband. Thank you for offering to pose the question to the medical experts. If his problem is chronic, I'm afraid I will have to watch for some more months & then make some life changing decisions for me & my daughter. Such as separate from him.
Thanks again.
August 15, 2009 - 11:46amThis Comment