Is it weird to be embarrased to be seen without make up?

Anon,
Thank you for such an honest, soul-searching question. And no, you aren't weird at all. But there may be something going with you that has nothing to do with makeup.

Do you agree that you are pretty? Has it always been important to you, part of your self-image? There's nothing wrong with admitting this, whether your answer is yes or no. If you have heard it all your life, it undoubtedly is something that has become part of who you are. "Pretty" is a bit of a cultural term, since what is defined as pretty tends to have to do with bone structure and coloring and other natural attributes. If a person's eyelashes are long, is that person prettier than someone with short eyelashes? In this culture, yes. (But that's partly because we see commercials for mascara all day long on television.)

Makeup is an interesting thing. We know it is fake, but we believe it enhances our appearance. Are we saying, then, that we are not good enough without it? I don't think so. Your eyes are your eyes no matter what, and I imagine that your boyfriend and family love your eyes because they sparkle, not because you might put a specific color on your lids. Your smile is your smile, and people who know you love your smile because it lights up your face, not because you have lipstick on.

I used to work outside the home for many years, enjoyed my job and felt like a professional. I work at home now, and I am no less educated and no less experienced. Yet if I go out during the day to a store or to run errands, I am not dressed in "professional" clothing (one of the perks of working at home!) I understand how you feel because I have found myself feeling "less" of a person when I look like I am not working in an office. I don't like what it says about me, but it's honest. Do people respond to me any differently than before? Yes, they do. But I suspect it's because I carry myself a little differently when I'm not feeling as good about how I look -- not because of the actual clothing I have on.

It's good to remember that our appearance is not nearly as important to others as it is to us! I remember a day when I got a haircut that for me was fairly radical. I walked into the office that day feeling almost like a billboard -- Look! Her Hair is Different! -- and thinking that everyone would notice, or say something, that everyone would be looking at me. Truth is, (a) it wasn't as radical as it felt like to me and (b) not that many people noticed. People close to me did, people not close to me didn't. It was a lesson in realizing that I am just one of the many, and that not all eyes are on you even when you think they are. Chances are, you could go without your makeup one day and some people would hardly notice. They might know that something is different, but might not have any idea what it is.

You might try occasionally wearing less makeup in small, contained instances, when you feel safe. If your boyfriend says he thinks you're lovely no matter what, you are a very, very fortunate person. Go without one thing from time to time and see that nothing changes. This is about you, not about others.

You mention that this is a "terrible secret." I have to beg to disagree. What are you afraid people will see if you don't have makeup on? Why do you think it has become so important to you that it is more important than who you are inside? Can you talk about that a little?