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By September 29, 2010 - 1:56pm
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EmpowHER Guest

I know what your going through. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and a half. We use to have a rockin sex life! But I also was the one who always got it started. Finally I thought what if I wasnt the one who always initiated it? Would we ever have sex? Hmmmm. well I gave it a go and did nothing so what do you know.... he never even tried to have sex with me. I've addresssed it to him several times and he just gets mad. hes 33 and im 27. Says he's tired of me asking him whats wrong and why he doesnt want me. I've pretty much givin up cause I'm not sure what else I can do. I've done everything! He never wants me but he will feel free to get his rocks off "online". says he doesnt do it often but i told him i dont care. If he's gona look at porn online I better be taken care of and getting it all the time or shit lets watch it together, something! Now he says I never initiate sex (which i dont since ive givin up) and i said its hard for me to do that when you feel so unwanted.

March 5, 2013 - 11:18am
EmpowHER Guest

I appreciate that after moving in together passion dies down, however we are in our mid 20s and going from 5 times a week to once in a month is a but of a shock. The only passion my partner seems to have in life is his xBox and that's all he talks about and doesn't hesitate spending money on. I can't remember the last time we went out for a meal together and when we did, it was my idea. I feel like I'm getting nowhere and when I try and talk about it i get either apologies I'd comments like 'i am clearly not good enough, do you want me to move out?'... I give up...

December 4, 2010 - 7:40pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and lived with him for that entire time. Everyone starts out more "stimulated" in the beginning and it dies down, but sex isn't everything if you really love him sitting on the couch cuddling him should be just as good as sex, and if you want to have sex just tell him outright guys can be oblivious to little hints even if you get all dolled up and wear your sexiest lingere.

December 3, 2010 - 4:42pm
EmpowHER Guest


I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have the same problem. Me and my biyfriend have been together for 15 months now and lived together for 8 months. Before he moved in with me, we used to have sex pretty much every night as we stayed 3 days at the house he was sharing with his friend and 4 days at my place. If I ever said I wasn't feeling like having sex, he used to panic and worry if there was something wrong.

Ever since we moved in together, our sex life has gone down hill. We now have sex once or twice a month, maximum. Even then, it's something quick and 'straight to the point'. It drives me insane. I've tried raising this problem but it only seems to cause arguments.

My boyfriend had some health problems within last 10 months and is under stress due to his work situation and every time I comment on our lack of sex he takes the victim's position and blames his health (which is legitimate, but for how ever long??) and stress. Now I know he is not cheating on me and I know he loves me a lot, but sex is very important to me and I can't understand how in the last 8 months his health and stress have changed his libido so much. However, like I said if I mention this, he says he is scared to lose me because he knows he can't give me as much fun as I want. Although it has never been a problem before he moved in?!

It honestly drives me insane and I'm getting to the point where I wonder if it's ever gonna get better, if it's worth it and I'm not even sure I am still physically attracted to my boyfriend because of all the excuses...

November 24, 2010 - 3:50pm

Ok, hi 'luvhellokitty24', I'm Charlie, my boyfriend is called Derrick. We have been together everyday since the end of May. I did, however, meet him on a drunken night out and had a 'fumble' in the bushes. Ever since then we have been with each other each day ( apart from maybe 2 at the most). At first, we were having sex 2-3 times a day! We weren't even together, so far, we have 'officially' been together around 2 months. I do care for him a lot, maybe love. He says he loves me. We got a puppy together, who is very cute but I am beginning to get jealous of the amount of attention he gives the dog. Since we got him, the sex has completely died down. He is great in bed which pushes thoughts of me leaving him completely out. Of course, I would never leave over such silly things, there is obviously others which make me consider it. Last week I started my period, as usual, no sex for that week, as usual, but this time I was waiting for my period to end for me to begin taking the Pill, so we can have unprotected sex, carefree. Clinically checked, of course. Both came out completely fine. I finish my period on Friday, had a shower, came to bed in my underwear, practically throwing my self at him, snuggling into him, and we were stroking each other's back's, he didn't know I was off my period, though, Mind you. But my body language completely said it. Anyway, absolutely nothing. I have gained weight, God knows how much, not that much, enough for me to worry this is the change. So, last night I stay at his... He has the cold and cant kiss for too long otherwise he finds it hard to breathe! So, we are back to the stroking back thing. Any time he starts to stop or not even move into anything more sexual, I just check my phone (That really pissed him off, maybe cause I wasn't giving him attention), So we had sex. I had hoped that was our 'problem' sorted. However, all day, I have been in my underwear, expecting for more. Absolutely nothing. What the hell is wrong? I don't know if I should confront him or not. he is 34 and I am 19, maybe his sex drive is dying down, I don't know, but I know I'm going mad about this!!

October 3, 2010 - 2:34pm

I'm sorry you are going through this! I have a few thoughts for you:

1. Is your boyfriend legitimately stressed? There is the typical stress of work and life, but then he is also dealing with an "ex-wife from hell" as you said, which can be emotionally draining. Does he have much contact with his "kid"? It concerns me a little at the language used in regards to his other family; is this from your perspective or his?

2. Moving in together does change the dynamics of a relationship. Honestly, you can not compare the frequency of sex before moving in to after wards, as many things change. Most couples do not have the time to have sex EVERY night, and if that is your expectation, you probably will be disappointed. As couples become closer to what is called "mature love" (vs. "infatuation" or "romantic love"), they feel stronger in their connection that they do not need to have sex daily; they are able to show their love, affection and interest in each other in many other ways IN ADDITION to sex.

The birth control thing may just be an excuse, but it sounds like there are some unresolved issues regarding your boyfriend's other family. Sex is usually the best litmus test, as if something is not quite right in the relationship in any other area, sex may be the first thing to diminish until other areas are resolved.

September 30, 2010 - 1:40pm
(reply to Alison Beaver)

Hi Alison thanks for the reply back. well as you were asking me if he was legitimatley stress? I really think hes stress and sometimes depressed. I feel like his ex wife always give me a hard time and uses there child as a weapon! So when the weekend comes and its his time to spend with his child she might up and say no! And then i can see durning the week that it bothers him and hes just not in the mood to have sex. And this has been on going for the 9 months we have been living with eachother:( I have tryed to talk to him and see if i can cheer him up but whatever he's feeling hes like a rock he wont move. But as you said sex would be the first litmus test if he not solved any unresolved issues with his ex family. And it scares me because i know his ex wife isnt going to change and i feel like she just might ruin his life and our relationship and i dont want that to happen because i love him alot. I know most girls would just leave in this situation but i do have paticent for him and i love him and i want to try and help fix things between us!
Please help

October 1, 2010 - 11:42am
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