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My boyfriend doesn't find me attractive after an eight-teen pound weight gain

By November 25, 2011 - 5:30pm
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When we met I weighed 110 lbs, he was also in very good shape. Almost two years later and we've both let ourselves go a little, I weigh 128 lbs currently. This morning before we had to get ready for our day I tried to initiate sex, and he rejected me. After talking about what happened for a while we discussed how this has been happening more and more often and the reasons why. Apparently, despite the fact that he loves me and would never leave me over something so shallow, he says he doesn't find me attractive anymore and wishes I looked like I used to. Fair enough I suppose, I just don't know if I can live back on the strict regiment I used to, especially long term. I'm not really sure what to do here, we talk about having children quite often and I know that my post baby body will not look the way he wants me to. Also I have breasts now, I kind of like that. I understand where he's coming from we were both at one time fitness junkies and i do miss that chapter of my life, however, at the end of the day I would like to be fit and healthier again because it's what I want not because I feel so unbelievably insecure and undesirable.

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EmpowHER Guest

I feel your pain. After 15 years together and both of us gaining about 50lbs each, my husband told me he was no longer sexually attracted to me. Cut like a knife and amongst other reasons, almost caused a divorce. This was 2 years ago. Things are a little better between us but our sex life is almost non-existent. I feel incredibly undesirable and am trying to lose weight...for me. If it weren't for the amount of love & hard times we saw each other through, I'm not sure I would stay.

November 27, 2011 - 8:19pm

Hmm,you should ask him how he would feel if you were no longer attracted to him because of his weight gain. There is always a double-standard between men and women on so many levels because society allows it. The difference is,women are more forgiving if the man in their life gains weight because we tend to see past the superficial and remind ourselves we fell in love with the essence of this man. You should also ask yourself what you feel about your weight gain. If this guy won't have sex with you because he is no longer attracted to you, then I don't see how you can have children together, let alone a healthy relationship. I'm irritated by the fact he claims to love you,but is no longer attracted to you nor desires to leave you. That doesn't make sense because most men don't settle for a sexless relationship. There lies the cunundrum. For your sake, I hope you regain a workout regimen that also includes healthy eating because you will feel better. Losing weight would be the bonus and maybe some other guy will come along who will love you in spite of whatever physical changes you may incur.

November 27, 2011 - 6:43pm

If being more physically fit would make you happy, go for it. You did not mention how tall you are. Depending on your height, weighing 128 lbs is not being overweight.

Maybe, the two of you can exercise together. You can both get into better physical shape.


November 25, 2011 - 6:05pm
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