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My boyfriend doesn't want to sleep with me anymore. :(

By Anonymous January 25, 2010 - 8:39pm
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I have a high sex drive, and would prefer having sex several times a week. My boyfriend does not even want to have sex anymore, he claims it is "no longer fun" and "hurts" him physically to do so, as in his stomach/head hurts after orgasming.

We've been together for five years and he is 20 years old. He recently went off of zoloft a few months ago, and never really ever was as completely uninterested as he is now.

Another girl kissed him a few weeks ago, which drew out a long argument to the point of us almost breaking up (which in five years a situation like that has never happened), which somewhat made our relationship better for a week, but now again just makes me sad to be around him, because I feel like he doesn't want me physically, so he doesn't want me at all.

He isn't working currently, and is just attending school.. he is not poor or having any sort of money struggle.

I want to be with him, and I want him to want me. He is my best friend and my whole world, I just want him to be on the same page sexually that I am.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

I'm sorry you're dealing with all this.

If your boyfriend has come off medication recently, he may be adjusting to it both physically and mentally. And he may be telling you the truth when he says he doesn't want sex anymore (he may need more exercise, sun, better nutrition or needs to go back on some kind of medication if he is suffering from depression) so don't be too hard on him.

With regard to a girl kissing him and fighting as a result - it reminds me how young he is. A young man at the age of 20 may not be ready to settle down with one young woman and he may be better off enjoying the single life for a while. This is pretty normal so don't fault him on that.

Also, for you, if you're around the same age it's not very healthy for one person to be your whole world. I know that love can be all-consuming but make every effort to free yourself of complete dependence on him because if you do break up, you'll have a very hard time coping.

If being around him makes you 'sad' then you may have to stop being around him. And he still may 'want you' but perhaps as a friend.

We have a huge discussion on this very subject - take a read of it here and read the experiences of dozens of other women : http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-sex-me-anymore?page=2

and tell me if it gives you any insight.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

January 27, 2010 - 2:35pm
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