EmpowHER Guest

ask: My boyfriend is younger than me and I am afraid that people notice.

By Anonymous
 
Rate This

I am 37 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for over five years now and are very much in love. We are on the same page about marriage and babies and are figuring things out together. I have never been so happy with a man or been with one who, though younger than me, is so at ease with himself and mature for any age. And he is super crazy about me.
The problem? It's me! I look young for my age and am what most poeple would call very pretty. I am super fit and active and bubbly and youthful. The issue? Well, recently an aquaintance of mine asked me if my boyfriend and I were "different ages". I just knew that she meant that she felt he was younger than me. I know that I shouldn't care and that in five years, this is the only time that this has happened but it upset me a lot. I see us as similiar. We are. If someone sees us together they usually say "hot couple" or "you would make beautiful babies". My guy is handsoem as I am pretty.

This aquaintance saw me as older than him. I know that this is probably going to happen at least occasionally as we get older but it hurts me. I spoke to my man about it and he just old me that he sees us as the same age and that I am beautiful and she probably didn't mean anything by it but I can't get it out of my head. I am NOT the cougar type and don't care about Demi Moore...besides there is only seven years between us. The thing is that my man looks young too! So if I look 28, he looks 22!
Any advice? I need to let go of these negative feelings as i don't want to soil our realtionship with my insecurities.

Add a Comment58 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I see where you are coming from. Have you managed to overcome the age issue? I was seeing a younger guy for about three months. When we met he told me he was 23 (i'm 29) and i had no reason not to believe him. I have since found out that he is actually 21 which means he lied to me for three months. He said it was because he thought i wouldn't be interested in him and wanted to get to know me first. I dont know what to do now. I feel so angry that he could have lied to me. I dont know what to do.

July 18, 2015 - 11:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Forgive him...samething hapen to me with my boyfriend. I was disappointed he lied but if you guys love each other dont let it go.

August 24, 2015 - 9:15pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend lied to me about his age he said he was 22 when we first started dating i found out 2months later tht he lied he was four years. Younger than me and by then my family. Already knew we were together and they liked him so i continued dating him because i love him when im 30 he wil be 26

July 14, 2015 - 3:37pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Im 22 and my boyfriend is 18 years old and we're expecting a baby but im still bothered by our 4 year age gap.. His mother adores me and has accepted me but i dnt. Whether il ever be ohk with our age difference

July 14, 2015 - 3:23pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I had a young one for one night he chased me for a year he knew I was older.....then it was like he got scared of age difference told me We could never happen again....he was 38 and I'm 57 we had a great nite joking and laughing and the sex was great......Men my age too busy chasing the young....what does a woman do I'm tired of being alone......and it had be 5 yrs since I had sex since my husbands death so I was quite nervous . For the first time in 5 yrs I felt like a woman.

April 28, 2015 - 8:23am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman being older than her husband. I am a 24 year old male who is married to a 37 year old woman (Nancy). I had always wanted an older woman even while I was dating girls who were my own age. I like very much being married to an older woman and Nancy has now grown to like it also. (After some reservations early in our relationship) We have learned not to listen to the remarks that others make about her being a cougar or me a cub. We used these terms jokingly as part of our banter when we are together or with friends. We're determined to resist any intimidation or humiliation that comes from others. We will continue to buck traditions in the future also as we will soon be the proud parents of a baby girl. Nancy is very sure that she wants to continue her career after maternity leave so she has requested that I surrender my job and be a stay at home dad to raise our child. Since she easily makes the larger portion of the household income, it is probably the most practical thing to do, so I've reluctantly agreed to do this. I can't wait to hear the comments from friends and neighbors about this. Long story short, I just want to encourage you to stay with it. It is worth it to let all these things make you stronger.

March 27, 2015 - 9:02am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

YOU ARE AWESOME ...thx for a.sharing. My boufriend is 8 years younger than me and this is all so new to me. I am 33, turning 34 shortly and he is 26. He is so awesome and for once I'm not really judging it. He meets me equally emitionally, which is where I get my confidence to remain vested. It's actually a cool sureal challenge for me. I knew he was for me when the first immature thing he did made me want to investigate instead of run the other way lol. Feels great reading your position of support for us women...It's baby time soon so I am standing still to embrace our differences in age. He treats me well, caters, cares about me and makes adjustments toward the betterment of our relationship. What's crazy is that his emotional offerings are more than the last few 40 plus yr old men I dated. No longer chasing the fantasy of what love should look like. For everytime I chased the facade it never stopped for me to catch it. Not making that mistake ever again. Loving my sporadic life and enbracing all its uncertainties. I deserve to walk in the greatness of a love I've never known
XX

July 18, 2015 - 10:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi everyone!

I am a few posts above (the long one), who broke up because of the 7 yrs difference. A few comments regarding the next ppl who posted. I honestly do not believe 2-3 yrs difference is an issue. I think beyond that may be-anything around 5 and over, although it never worked out w any guy that was younger than me.

Regarding the woman who was wondering why guys are attracted to older women, my ex told me most men like older women especially if they look young but are confident, dynamic and don't act like the ones their age.

To update you regarding my situation, it's been over a month now that we haven't managed to work things out w my ex, who is officially 30 now. I am pretty sure I made the right decision and he wouldn't be able at this time of his life to fit the bill. I have too much on my mind and I don't think he would be the one supporting what I need to do right now. Plus I have the time to work on things since he is not monopolizing my time, which young men tend to do. He was cruel to me after everything that happened, he treated me poorly and I think he couldn't put himself in my shoes for one minute. I think he was too immature at the end of the day. Also, I must say that older men are usually better in bed.

Maybe my comment helps you

March 10, 2015 - 1:07pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi everyone.
I just broke up with my bf because of the age difference. Although I look younger than my age.. He's almost 30 and I am 37. We were together for 5 months - but literally together, sleeping over almost every day. He treated me probably the best than any other man I dated. He loved me a lot, or at least he thought so.. He took care of me, took me out whenever he could, exhibited his affection always and everywhere. Age was never an issue, although I spoke to him regarding the fact that I don't want to waste years getting to know someone etc.. I want kids soon. I feel I don't have too much time. He wasn't scared. He told me that he has no problem with that and everything was great, besides the fact that he was a little immature in insignificant things, but which man really isn't? Until one day a colleague of his was a little drunk and asked him if I was older than him and added "why don't you like younger girls, they are cuter"!!! And then something struck me! I will have to go through this all the time..
I told him that we are probably not good for each other due to that fact in brief. I hurt him.. He spoke with his friends and they actually agreed that I was probably right! So now he told me that I insisted so much on that, that I persuaded him..
I had my thoughts on the future before, regarding my looking older and him wanting a younger girl at some point, we are women and we know how men are.. although he never let me think like that, it was my own insecurity.
In the beginning, he was chasing me, then I missed him too much. The fact that he changed his mind, isn't a good sign. Either he listens to other ppl too much or he's just hurt. Not sure. Time will tell.
Either way I feel terrible. It cost me more than i thought. If this actually ends here I will make every effort to never be with a younger guy again, although I attract them. As someone wrote before, its hard enough to build a good relationship, putting a 7 yr difference in can't make it easier. I do know a married couple with the same difference though. They've been together for years and now she's expecting her first child at 42.
I feel so lost with everything and sad. So much prejudice. Why does the woman always have to be younger? When and why was this established? Back in the day when women were not educated and didn't make a living and their sole purpose was to reproduce, cook and clean, so they married very young to older men. How nice.. Things have changed. I feel I was a coward.
These are my thoughts. Good luck to any woman in the same situation. All the best

February 7, 2015 - 12:26am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hi there, I am two posts beneath you. I also seem to only attract younger men. If you ever figure out why that happens, please let me know.

February 7, 2015 - 8:27am
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Sex & Relationships Guide

Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!

Improved

3629 Health

Changed

2219 Lives

Saved

2069 Lives
9 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More

Take Our Featured Health Poll

Have you joined the IUD trend? What kind of birth control do you use? :
View Results