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ask: My boyfriend is younger than me and I am afraid that people notice.

By Anonymous

I am 37 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for over five years now and are very much in love. We are on the same page about marriage and babies and are figuring things out together. I have never been so happy with a man or been with one who, though younger than me, is so at ease with himself and mature for any age. And he is super crazy about me.
The problem? It's me! I look young for my age and am what most poeple would call very pretty. I am super fit and active and bubbly and youthful. The issue? Well, recently an aquaintance of mine asked me if my boyfriend and I were "different ages". I just knew that she meant that she felt he was younger than me. I know that I shouldn't care and that in five years, this is the only time that this has happened but it upset me a lot. I see us as similiar. We are. If someone sees us together they usually say "hot couple" or "you would make beautiful babies". My guy is handsoem as I am pretty.

This aquaintance saw me as older than him. I know that this is probably going to happen at least occasionally as we get older but it hurts me. I spoke to my man about it and he just old me that he sees us as the same age and that I am beautiful and she probably didn't mean anything by it but I can't get it out of my head. I am NOT the cougar type and don't care about Demi Moore...besides there is only seven years between us. The thing is that my man looks young too! So if I look 28, he looks 22!
Any advice? I need to let go of these negative feelings as i don't want to soil our realtionship with my insecurities.

Add a Comment28 Comments


same issue !!!

34, my bf is 23. He treats me in best way that a person could be treated.
I compared from my ex, totally the opposite side. I actually feeling happy everyday with him...I laugh more, smile more than i use to be. But still Im hurting myself by the thought of "I must pull back." I shouldnt completely give all myself to him becuase i might get hurt anytime by this awkward relationship. "I cannot allow myself to get burened by this!!!" I always urgue with myself like a crazy person!!! Its so hurtful !!

Although he alwys confirm me strongly that he is very serious with our relationship and he is not playing around with me and he hope that Im not playing around with him too !!! Well I always find myself stuck and being cornerd by not knowing what else to do or to think about this since its not fair for him if Im being the onlyone who will always being prepared to leave this relationship anytime while he is not, instead that he is giving all of himself to me. But !!! we are women. What if we got dumbed in old age??? And our nature >>> We will stick with the man we loved, thats for sure!! and the fact is, we women could easily got dumbed whenever we give all of ourself to men we loved>> sometimes even without knowing >_

February 12, 2014 - 9:50pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm 32 and my boyfriend is 28 but he looks even younger than his age.. We've been together 5 years and in this time 4 complete strangers thought I was his mother :-/ everyone else who ever met us didn't think that but these 5 strangers bother me a lot. Relationships are supposed to make you feel good not feel 50 20 years too early :-( . It is so I know very well how you feel but haven't got a solution yet. Personally, nver had an issue with age but thought of ending the relationship many times nobody wants to feel like their boyfriend's mother..

May 1, 2013 - 11:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

OMG 5 years is not a big difference at all! My boyfriend is 24 will be 25 in November. I'm 29 and will be 30 in June. People can't tell an age difference between both of us. Why do you think you look older? Maybe is more of an insecurity of yours. You shouldn't look old enough to be his mother at age 32 when really from 28 to 32 isn't really a big difference. Maybe try to change your hairstyle, go to the gym, dress more fashionable. The other day we went out with a friend of his who is also 24 and his girlfriend that's 21. She asked my age and I lied and told her 25 and she didn't believe me because she said she thought I was 23 or so. So I highly doubt you look like his mother but if you feel like it and act like it then you will look like it.

May 2, 2013 - 5:56am
EmpowHER Guest

it sucks - we had our time great 2.5 years and he broke up with me because of the age difference ... like he noticed it after those years ....

YEARS should not matter - if there is love it great if it is not than the age gap is just excuse

April 16, 2013 - 7:29pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm gay, and 20 years old. My boyfriend is 34. Age is always on my mind but I feel we are on the same level of maturity. I shouldn't actually say always but it is on my mind a lot. I can say we have a lot in common and he makes me smile and laugh. But like all relationships we have some issues. I wish the world was more excepting to age different relationships but it isn't and I deal with it. I would give him the world and he would do the same for me. Human is human, u cant say because someones skin is older then the persons skin they are in love with is wrong, because skin is skin. Animals do it too. If u are in love nothing should tare you apart, ESPECIALLY the judgemental viscous grip of society.

March 17, 2013 - 11:45pm
EmpowHER Guest

The aqaintance who brought up your age is JEALOUS big time, pay no attention to this hater. If no one else has told you the same thing, she is trying to mess with your mind and possibly take your man. Do not fall for it and break up your beautiful relationship. I have been there, she sounds Jealous of what you have.

February 4, 2013 - 11:28am
EmpowHER Guest

hi..i m 38yrs old and my bf is just 25. i hv 2 kids ,a 16 yr old and a 12 yr old from my previous marriage. i hv been in relationship wit him for a year now and we are both very much in love .he says he wants to marry me and move in with me but i havent told my kids yet about him. he is a very nice caring guy n never let me down ever since he has been wit me. he says he wants my kids to stay with us .he says he wants a child from me soon. though we work in different places we alys make a point to see each other once in 2 weeks coz he feels tht our relationship will fall apart if we dun keep in contact n be with each other alys.he is a very smart and gud looking guy. he has a gud job too . he promised to take care of me and my kids alys. i know him and i feel i can trust him too.besides i love him so much and i want to stay with him do u feel i should move on with him/..?..

January 28, 2013 - 11:51pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am in the same situation and i would really love some help. Although, sadly, I feel very hopeless. I am 12 years older than my boyfriend. We started off as friends and we have a great time together. I love him and his personality. But the age difference weighs on me so deeply. He is just a few years older than my son and I sometimes feel like my boyfriend is more like one of my son's friends instead of my boyfriend. Not because they spend very much time together but because they understand each other and have more in common with each other than my boyfriend does with me. How could my boyfriend be a role model or a step father to a guy who is only a few years younger? Also, I see my age in our pictures when I'm standing next to him. I worry that his friends will say hurtful things about us and I feel judged for being with someone SO much younger. You may ask why I stay with him. He is so sweet and kind. He isnt hurtful or controlling like my former husband was. He treats me like his companion, not his property. We have a lot in common and I think we love each other's personalities. But we do have one more huge thing that is a hurdle. He loves kids and I have my tubes tied so I couldnt have any more even if I wanted to. I know he wants kids, and he loves playing with my neighbor's babies. I know he would make a great father. He says he doesnt need kids as long as he has me, but how long will that last? Especially as I get older? I worry that he will meet beautiful younger women at the college he attends or at his sales job where everyone is gorgeous, especially my boyfriend. And he will meet beautiful women who can have and probably want to have children. And I know Im far from gorgeous but I always hope to be loved for who I am and not just how I look. He is about a 9 and I am probably about a 2...maybe a 3... Even as I type this, I feel so bleak. I want to walk away because this hurts so much. But I also feel like he is the only person that has seen me as a gem when everyone else sees a rock, and he wants to be with me and doesnt want to let me go. I don't know what to do. I worry the longer we are together the worse this will hurt me when it does end. I appreciate any thoughts. Thank you in advance.

August 22, 2012 - 3:45pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi anon, i read ur post. I feel you should discuss things with your bf. My brother has been asking me to tell you that. He is a boy and he will better understand the point of view of your bf. Maybe there are things you are not telling him but you expect him to understand. Keep things clear. Let him know about your insecurities. Because these insecurities are going to haunt you all life long. It is true that you guys maybe very much in love but keeping things to urself will only fill bitterness. U guys should talk. Try approaching him and know what he feels about that

January 31, 2012 - 10:34am
EmpowHER Guest

My bf is 23 and I'm 28. And besides the age gap is also a cultural gap. He's Indian and I'm Hispanic. Sometimes I feel bad especially those nights when he goes party with his college buddies and I have to go sleep early because I work the next day. Many times I've thought about leaving this relationship and find a man that has his stuff together that wants a home and a family. It's only 5 year difference and we love eachother a lot but I feel that I don't have that security that an older man can provide. He told me the other day that he wants us to try for a baby which is something I want and he is very hard working so I know he'd be responsibe but it scares me to some point. It's difficult because to some point, the man always has to end up being the provider. ie: in the case of me having a complicated pregnancy and me not being able to work.

January 29, 2012 - 8:11am
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