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sometimes i just tell a lie just for the sake of saying. why??

By April 11, 2009 - 5:47am
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Sometimes when i am feeling lonely or dipressed, i go to my friends and talk to them. But without realizing it myself i always speak a lie and that too of kind which can fetch me some sympathy. why does this happen and why dont i realize it while doing so??

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HERWriter Guide

Aman, I am glad we could help - you sound like a sweet person who needs a little more attention that she is getting and has found like exagerating or making things up is the way to get it.

I think that you know you lie, which is why you came to Empowher in the first place and good for you for doing so. Now that you say you just couldn't admit it makes me admire you even more. Good for you! See how good some honesty can feel?!

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you can feel yourself about to tell lies in order to get a little attention - just switch it over to the truth. You can do it. And really, if you have to make something up to get attention, you'll get plenty more if you confess to friends or family that you feel the need for fibs because you are a little down or depressed. I think they'll understand where you are coming from because really - I think we've all been in a place where we have had an issue and then stretched it out a bit in order to have our issues really listened to. Don't think you are alone in this for a second!

Another thing - I think real life is a lot more interesting than the made up stuff - which is why I prefer documentaries to soap operas, even though on the surface it would appear the soap opera is more dramatic. It isn't - when the fluff is taken away.

Please keep us posted on how life is going for you and know that you can always come here and talk. Also, keeping a private journal would be a good idea for you, so you can know what triggers the lying and this will help end it. Thanks for your update, Aman!

April 17, 2009 - 11:43am


I want to echo Susan's thoughts. I think you are awesome to come and ask this question, and to examine why you are lying at the times when you are.

If I read your answer correctly, though, what you are saying is that at the moment you tell the lie, you actually believe it yourself. Is that right? Is it only later when you regret what you have said?

Do you think that you believe, somewhere inside, that you are not worthy of people's affections on your own? That if you don't lie, people won't like you or sympathize with you?

I think you've made a crucial step here, but admitting this is a problem for you. I would guess that the next thing that will happen is that you WILL start to catch yourself as you tell a lie. And after that, you may be able to catch yourself right before you tell a lie. It is just a matter of becoming conscious of what you're saying and why.

There are some people who are what is called "pathological liars," who actually cannot stop themselves from lying. (Though to a greater degree than you describe). However, one of the underlying principles of this kind of lying is that there is little or no benefit to be seen. A pathological liar would lie about how much the milk cost, or whether it was raining, or where they grew up.

But you specifically understand that you are lying for sympathy or affection, which makes perfect sense considering your background.

If you would like to read about pathological lying, here is an article from the Psychiatric Times:


On the other hand, you may be what is called a "compulsive liar," who is someone who simply lies out of habit. And they point out that to someone who is used to lying, lying may actually feel better than telling the truth. Telling the truth seems more awkward to these people, because they aren't used to it. It's almost like chewing our fingernails -- we don't even notice we are doing it until later.

Here's a page that talks about the difference between pathological and compulsive liars. They even have a quiz:


Hang in there. I think you're on your way to being able to slowly conquer this. Does you relate to any of this information? Does it help at all?

April 12, 2009 - 7:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

Diane p,

You know after reading your answers and those articles I am actually feeling better. Thanks a lot for all this. I really appreciate your concern.

You know earlier I used to hesitate in admitting it myself. But after all the responses I have got on EmpowHer I am actually feeling great.

Now i get this feeling that I will be Able to fight With it..

Thank you so much..

With regards

April 16, 2009 - 7:55am
EmpowHER Guest

I think everyone needs attention sometimes. If we have to tell a white lie to obtain it, thats the objective. I don't believe there is something wrong with that, I think that it may be necessary sometimes to remind ourselves that we are human and we certainly need people in our lives. RIGHT?

On another thought, if you have the ability to make people believe these white lies, you could always sign up for law school.Ok, that was bad.....

April 11, 2009 - 9:45am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thank you for your question and you are certainly not alone!

You do actually realize you are lying, as you lie. We all know when we are lying. Our brain needs to process the thoughts before we verbalize them - I think you are simply getting wrapped up in the moment and say something untrue, knowing that you will get more attention or sympathy when you do it.

The reason you know that you know you're doing it is that you know there is a reward for the lie - sympathy.

And this is not unusual at all.

We often find ourselves stretching the truth when we need more attention because we fear that our real problems will not be taken seriously or attended to if we don't. So we make the problem a little bigger in order to get people to pay attention.

When you feel sad or depressed - do you feel that no-one will listen? Is this why you make things up? I promise you that sadness or depression is serious enough in itself and you don't have to resort to lying in order to get someone to help you.

I think it's really honest of you to admit that you do this and it's good that you know why you are doing it.

If you don't lie - do you feel ignored? Do you not have people who will talk with you and listen to you, if you are just being - you?

What brings your sadness and feelings of depression? Can you tell us a little bit more about that?

April 11, 2009 - 6:10am
(reply to Susan Cody)

Hi Susanc..

Ya its true that sometimes i feel that there is no one to listen to me.

Actually ever since a small girl I never got anyone who could listen to me. My family situations were not that good and comforting. Till 13 years o age I used to pee in the bed while i was asleep. My parents used to scold me for that.

My friend circle was also not very comforting. There was always some sort of bitchiness going among friends.

Then I got this boy friend of mine and we both got very much involved with each other. In order to keep him attached to me I started telling him lies about my family to get his sympathy. No doubt it worked but sometime after telling lies I used to confess the truth to him..

But the point was I could never quit lying and that too about some very insignificant things.

When I am saying a lie I really dont realize it. I make the listener believe that every word of whatever i am saying is true. I can even cry if it is required. I realize only after finishing it that i have spoken a lie.

April 11, 2009 - 6:43am
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