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was disvirgined by my husband 4rm d rear nd it was so painful wit a tear nd bleeding.hav bin scared to do it again since.i'd like to resume sex wit again bt am so scared.pls how do we get it rite dis time?thx

By Anonymous July 20, 2011 - 12:05am
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I've tried lots of lube nd †ђξ finger bt still worried i'l bleed again.i am able to do other forms of sex(besides anal cos i dnt like D̶̲̥̅̊ idea) bt when i see his size,i wonder hw it'l enter this small hole.i need help

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EmpowHER Guest

was disvirgined by my husband 4rm d rear nd it was so painful wit a tear nd bleeding.hav bin scared to do it again since.i'd like to resume sex wit again bt am so scared.pls how do we get it rite dis time?thx

February 6, 2015 - 3:08am
EmpowHER Guest

I was disvirgined by my husband, but each time we have sex it's so painful

January 19, 2015 - 2:54pm
EmpowHER Guest

Thx so much for your prompt response.by rear,i meant he did it wit me bending over nd him standing behind me.when i examined with д mirror,i found д tear which wasn't deep though nd got antibiotic treatment for it.D̶̲̥̅̊ pain nd bleeding lasted only during sex nd boy was it painful?!.i hav bin trying †ђξ insertion method U̶̲̥̅̊ described nd can presently fit 2of my fingers.i do not experience any pain in D̶̲̥̅̊ process nd wonder why sex was so painful.

July 20, 2011 - 9:07am
EmpowHER Guest

Wow!must hav confused you wif my question.lol i meant i don't do anal sex nd D̶̲̥̅̊ bleeding was from vaginal sex nd not anal sex.D̶̲̥̅̊ small hole i described is my vaginal orifice nd not anal orifice.

July 20, 2011 - 8:18am
(reply to Anonymous)

Thanks for clarifying. I know you mentioned not liking anal but your original question said "from the rear" so that's where the confusion happened :)

The first time you have sex there could be some bleeding due to losing your virginity. However, it should not be overly painful nor should it feel like a tear. Everyone's pain threshold is different so what may just be a bit of discomfort for me, could be described as pain for you. With that being said, the pain should NOT be unbearable. If it is, then you may have either been hurt by your partner or even have something known as Vulvodynia.
Does it still hurt now that it's over or was the pain and bleeding only during sex? When you say "tear" do you mean your hymen? Or do you feel like he was rough enough to cause a tear in your vagina? If it's a vaginal tear, please see your doctor to avoid or be treated for an infection.

The next time you attempt to have sex, use plenty of lubrication, start one finger at a time and do not insert more than one finger at a time until you feel comfortable, once he can comfortably insert 3 fingers without you feeling any pain or discomfort ONLY then should you move on to penetration with his penis. Again, lubricate yourself and him as well and slowly begin to insert his penis into your vagina. Try to relax mentally as well as physically and if you continue to feel an increased amount of pain, then stop and see your doctor. Remember that it may not necessarily feel pleasurable at first but it should shortly after.

All the best,

July 20, 2011 - 8:37am

Hi Anon,

Thanks for your question and welcome to EmpowHer!

Serious injuries from anal sex are relatively rare; however, if you have internal pain or see blood, you need to see your health care provider. Here are some of the potential complications of anal sex:

The blood you mentioned could have been from a hemorrhoid, which is a swollen vein in the anal area. Hemorrhoids can be fragile and prone to bleeding, although they don't usually cause the kind of pain you've described. You can frequently feel a hemorrhoid as a swollen, tender lump in the anal area. You'll often notice blood from a bleeding hemorrhoid on toilet paper after a bowel movement, or on the stool itself.

Pain and bleeding can also occur when there's a small tear in the lining of the anus called an anal fissure. Even small fissures can be pretty painful because they often cause spasms of the opening of the anus. They heal slowly because they're irritated repeatedly during bowel movements. With anal fissures, you may also see blood on toilet paper or on the stool itself.

A rare, but serious, complication after anal sex is a hole (perforation) in the colon. This dangerous problem requires hospitalization, surgery to repair the hole, and antibiotics to prevent infection. A colonic perforation will usually cause fever and severe pain and pressure in the abdomen. This condition requires immediate medical attention, either through your health care provider or your local hospital emergency department.

If your health care provider isn't sure what's causing your pain, you may need to undergo a procedure to look inside your rectum. A small scope called an "anoscope" can allow your provider to check if there's a fissure. To go deeper, a scope called a "sigmoidoscope" may be used.

If you have either a hemorrhoid or fissure, you'll probably receive similar recommendations. Treatment for both conditions is sometimes called "WASH." The letters stand for:

Warm water: Sitz baths involve sitting in a warm pan of water to soak the painful anal area.
Analgesic agents: Various creams and ointments can temporarily numb the anal area to provide relief. Do not use these for more than a few days in a row, however. Your health care provider can tell you exactly how long it is safe to continue using these treatments.
Stool softeners: Taking over-the-counter medications to help keep your stool soft until the hemorrhoid or fissure heals. This can help avoid re-injuring and further irritating the anus while having a bowel movement.
High-fiber diets: A high-fiber diet will keep your stools soft and easy to pass.
Following these recommendations can help the hemorrhoid or fissure heal within a few days. Very rarely, a hemorrhoid or fissure will become infected, will develop a clot within, or will not heal promptly. If this occurs, your health care provider may recommend that you undergo a surgical procedure or use a newly researched medication to help heal the fissure.

Hold off on more anal sex until your current discomfort and bleeding are completely gone.

Once you are completely healed and are ready to resume anal sex, follow these tips and stop if you begin to experience pain:

Best Wishes,


July 20, 2011 - 6:14am
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