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Why dosnt my boyfriend ever want to have sex with me?

By July 20, 2010 - 8:31pm
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Hi Jellybean,
Thanks for responding to Bri3248's question. At the very least it may help to know that you are not alone in dealing with this. Now for your comment, one thing you said, " I am sacrificing a big part of who I am to be with him and I am very distracted by my frustration with this issue." Don't do that, don't sacrifice who you are to be with someone. That right there tells me that there is something fundamentally wrong with this relationship that you don't feel like you are able to be who you want to be with this guy. Like I said to Bri3248, figure out what you want out of this relationship. If that isn't possible, best friend or no best friend, the guy may not be for you. Find the strength, and get out of your own way. You are a smart person, and will be OK. The world will not end if it doesn't work out for you and this guy. You should feel empowered to know what you want, and don't be scared to try and get that. I can tell you from experience, it's hard to walk away from something you're used to, but it's worth it to get you to where you want and need to be. It's all a process, so don't expect things to change overnight either way. Good luck, be strong, conduct yourself with grace, and protect yourself from wasting too much time with the wrong guy.
Please let us know how you're doing.

July 22, 2010 - 8:44am

Hi Bri3248,
Thanks for your question, and for finding EmpowHer. While I'm not a therapist, and don't know the whole story of your situation, it sounds like the lack of sex in your relationship bothers you. Have you talked about this with your boyfriend? Have you suggested ways to spice up the relationship that way. Have you told your boyfriend that you want him to initiate? Have the two of you had sex before? Is one or both of you a virgin?
There have been others who have asked the same question, check it out:
Please let us know how you're doing after you've talked with your boyfriend and thought about what you want out of the relationship. Good luck.

July 22, 2010 - 8:31am

I have spent an hour researching this matter, I am completely amazed how prevalent the issue I am dealing with is; my boy friend has lost interest in sex with me. He has actually improved some, which isn’t saying much, I have to initiate sex every time and it usually involves me performing oral sex and him using his hand to stimulate me…with no other foreplay not even kissing. I love him very much and do not want to live without him, and he says the same to me. He is extremely affectionate, takes very good care of me, and says he would do anything for me. He talks about our future and marriage but honestly I can’t even consider it unless the intimacy in our relationship improves. His explanation for his lack of interest is stress from work (it is major), his anxiety medication, and the fact that he gained 20+ lbs; he said he doesn’t feel good about himself and just doesn’t feel well in general. He assures me that it is not me, he tells me that he is attracted to me and doesn't want anyone else but it doesn’t help. I can’t help but take it personally and it makes me feel unattractive and worthless and inturn; angry, resentful and I’m begining to lose respect for him. I get a lot of attention from men (I am often told by men and women that I am beautiful, I am in very good shape and take care of myself) and have been tempted to cheat on him (but I am not promiscuos at all). He has mentioned that it bothers him when his friends joke that I am too good for him. Although, I am very attracted to him and he knows it. We have so much fun together, he is my best friend but I am sacrificing a big part of who I am to be with him and I am very distracted by my frustration with this issue. We have gotten in many arguments and I have ended our relationship many times but he always wins me back with the things he says and because honestly, I am lost without him. I do not know what to do…would I be wrong to leave him when he is already dealing with so much stress??? I am so conflicted, I honestly do not believe I am strong enough to move on-I am in love with him but what about my happiness and needs…idk? HELP!

July 21, 2010 - 10:35pm
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