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Why wont my boyfriend have sex with me anymore?

By March 25, 2010 - 11:28pm
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My boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half, and the sex drive for him has gone way down, he wants me to give him pleasure, then nothing for me, i have cought him looking up porn, and always checking out other girls, i dont know why he dosent want sex from me anymore, and i dont know what to do.

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so i tried talking to him today and he refused to say anything so he reverted to anger and just shoved it off. i don't understand i take his feelings and needs seriously but when it comes to this he doesn't care. when i asked him about it he was like "the way i see it your complaining about the 2 percent that don't satisfy you" i was like so because you buy me things that means that the fact that this is a big deal to me means that you don't have to care because you buy me stuff. that really hurt my feelings because i hate the fact that he buys me things because im not working and that is a sensitive issue foe me because i am an independent person and the fact that i cant do for myself is taring me apart!!!!! how do i get him to listen and understand without getting all defensive i love him and i want to work it out

August 8, 2010 - 4:37pm

I have the same problem me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year and in the beginning we were having sex all the time and now im lucky if i get it once a week. its so frustrating because i try to talk to him but he just says " i dont know whats wrong its not you" i try new things like watching porn with him and roll playing and all that stuff and he only wants me to give him head never is it his first choice to have sex its always im tired or my head hurts so i feel you and im sorry we are in the same boat if you find a way to fix it please let me know

August 8, 2010 - 2:36am

Well ive tried numerous of times, and he refuses to talk to me about it. but just the other night he finally did, he said he just isnt that kind of guy..but when we first started dating we did all the time! i just dont understand why. i makes me feel ugly and not loved, and i dont kno how to go about this. i cant go to counseling, i dont have the money for that. and our relationship is good except for this!

March 30, 2010 - 9:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashley1991)

He might be having emotional problems. Maybe he feels that you put too much emphasis on it and that makes him uncomfortable. Either way, it's not fair to either of you for you to openly base your self worth on him fucking you. You probably should build up some self esteem.

July 15, 2011 - 7:19pm

Hi Ashley-

If you look through our sexual health section here on EmpowHER, you will see we get questions like this regularly. So first know you aren't alone. Secondly, how is your relationship with your boyfriend? Do you have other issues going on that are putting a strain on the relationship?

Have you asked your boyfriend about your sex life? You don't have to do anything for him that you don't want to, particularly if he isn't willing to do the same for you. But maybe if you show him this question it could get a conversation started about just what is going on.

Many things can have an effect on sex drive. Stress, diet, physical illness, hormone levels; all kinds of things. It is not uncommon to look at porn, and sometimes men who are having issues with sex drive go to porn to try and "get things going" again. I don't know if that's what is happening here.

What every relationship needs is open communication about what is going on. Just ask him. He may feel uncomfortable discussing it, but it is important. If you have trouble getting the conversation going then I'm going to suggest couples counseling. Even one visit can have a dramatic effect on communication.

Be sure when you want to talk to him that you listen as much as you talk. Everyone needs to be heard. If he refuses to discuss any of this, you may want to go to counseling alone to figure out how to proceed.

Read through our sexual health information here on the site. You will see you are not alone, and maybe something you see here will help you talk to your boyfriend.

Good luck.

March 26, 2010 - 6:54am
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