I love my ex and we decided to get back together, I think he feels he's helping me out of a financial jam and has no interest in me sexually at all.
We have not has sex, cuddled, or even kissed for almost 10 months. He pretends to be asleep, have a headache, or be too tired (same excuses every single time). I stopped trying because now I feel like I'm in the way and causing him problems. And it messes with your ego if you let it.
He has an old friend from high school (he's 52, I'm 43). He has to run down to her house 4 times a week at 5 minutes notice for an hour (using the excuse their dogs like to play together). He says he does her heavy lifting and yard work at times of the day he would never do it at his own home. I am wondering if he's really going there or going to see someone else? He knows I like this school frined so she's non-threatening in his mind to me.
I'm 5.7 128 pounds and work out like a dog. He doesn't want me to enhance my body (so he claims, I think he thinks it's a waste of money).
I get hit on EVERYTIME I leave the house but NEVER act on it. I'm very pretty and proud of it but it's getting so bad that I'm ready to possibly leave since I REFUSE to cheat.
He says he doesn't want an open relationship but I need to feel like I'm sexy and wanted by the man I love. I'm getting down in the dumps so I joined volunteer groups where I'm around other men to get some positive feedback.
I've even offered to get toys and try new things but he makes me feel like I'm "bad or dirty" and won't discuss it. Although he admits to online porn use and knows the moves to make (I've remember a few of his porn movie tricks from WAY back when). I've seen them too, they get me in the mood.
What on God's earth do I do? He won't talk, won't kiss, and avoids my body at every turn, I stopped trying because I'm ready to be wanted again like when I was single. I like to dress us, try new things and in new places but he plays all "shy" and ignorant when I bring it up.I know much,much better than that.
Wish I would have stayed away, I didn't need this, it's a form of abuse. I have friends who are overweight and not as cute as I am and they are getting it at least once week. For me it's been 9 very long months of doing things with my own supply of toys I would love to share with him.
Does he have these needs met elsewhere? When I ask he gets SUPER defensive and uses it as a reason not to have sex. He says I don't trust him. I'm simply trying to find out what is going wrong.No it's become the old "you don't trust me issue so I'm not interested". What was I supposed to think? I had to ask. He loves to find the excuses and it's ALWAYS MY FAULT!!
I know he has the issue, not me, but lonely intimacy is only something I can manage to avoid for a very short time!
PLEASE GOD, someone help!!
Anyway after 9 months of not so much as a passionate kiss, I'm at the end of my rope. He REFUSES to see a counselor again (did it once, same old excuses). Maybe I need to go since he refuses to work on it. He says {it's just how I am) but while divorced he wasn't lacking in having certain needs met??
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment4 Comments
Our sex life was never great Married 35 plus years and weve had sex maybe 30 times. When I developed E/D I was so happy, thanked my doctor and refused any treatment. I told my wife and she cryed that she has needs and wants a baby. I told her to satisfy her needs some other way and as far as a baby thats not going to happen. The last thing I want is a filthy rug rat who grows up as a doper that bleeds there parents of money . I'm not wired for sex, never will be. Were in our 60s and she wishs she would die.
December 16, 2010 - 6:05pmThis Comment
I'm so sorry things turned out this way for you, but I'm relieved to know you are going to take care of yourself and not settle for bad treatment.
I wish you the best of luck.
May 3, 2010 - 2:34pmThis Comment
I thought I was here because we were getting back together but you're absolutely right, I'm a room mate and one that's not even wanted. I'm in the process of packing up and trying to find a place. This has become one big joke and I'm finished with him. I think I tolerated the behavior because I had no place to live early on but anyone can find shelter. I've already started the process of cashing out some retirement money to get out so hopefully it will only be a couple weeks. Thanks!!
May 3, 2010 - 2:13pmThis Comment
Hello eg146-
Let me be direct here: Why are you there? Why did you two get back together? I don't hear that you love each other, I don't even hear that you like each other. You sound kind of like roommates who aren't happy living together.
I think counseling for you is an excellent idea. It is important to find out why you are willing to settle for a relationship that obviously does not make you happy. This is about far more than how anyone looks. It sounds like the sex issue is a symptom of a bigger problem, not the problem itself.
Think about why you came back to him, why he came back to you, and why, if you are so unhappy, you are still there. I think your answers are in those questions somewhere. Then go to the counselor so you can find out why you put your own happiness last, and learn how to make yourself a priority. There is likely some reason you are tolerating bad behavior.
Please don't cheat. I think if you do, you will be setting yourself up for guilt and that will make everything worse. Don't be true for him, do it for yourself and your self-worth.
Hang in there and get the counseling. Let us know how you do. I have been in a similar situation. It sucks and it's hard, but you can do this. You can be your happy self again. Good luck.
May 3, 2010 - 6:45amThis Comment