I am 30 and my boyfriend is 40. We've been dating 1 year. We started out having a great sex life. Then 4 months into the relationship he started having to travel for work and got a really busy schedule. He recently got a promotion and is under a lot of stress. He doesn't like that he has to travel very much and has told me that he is looking forward to not having to be in Sacramento so much. We still hang out as much as possible. However I have an opposite schedule (work the evening shift 2-10:30pm) and he works during the day. On weekends he is exhausted. I am very frustrated because I would like to have sex 1 or 2x a week, and in the past 6 months it has been a struggle. He will occasionally say "ahh, I have to get to work!" and jump out of bed in the morning really stressed like and get on all his clothes before we have any intimate time. His other excuse is I have to be at a meeting. I am at the point where I am just so frustrated. We both love eachother and I know he is under a ton or stress with a new promotion that requires 12 hour days. He says he cannot handle me pouting or being sad. When we have sex it good. He has said that I am "the best".
I waited until I was 25 to have sex. He's had many years to have this enjoyment. I'm not a crazy sex addict, I just need sex (it's essential) 1 or 2x a week. We average 4x a month. But occasionally if I'm on my period or he's dead tired I'm scared to initiate sex. I don't want to be turned down.
Is there something wrong with me having to ask him questions and need to have sex. I am in my prime and don't want to waste my time. However, I love him, and I know that we both want to stay in the relationship. Do men's sex drives slow down in their 40's?
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I love your reply, but after reading every "problem" that different women are having on here, I feel as though mine may be WAAAAY different.
I knew my boyfriend many years ago (15) and we would just "hang out" and then have sex. Years later he reached out to me and we started an AMAZING relationship: sexually blew my mind,mentally amazing, and emotionally the best man any one could ever want. Now it's been over a year and a half and we live together. We have sex maybe once every three months. I'm 36 years old and sex is on my mind constantly. He's 38 and says he's just not interested in it at all. I've told him how much I hurt and cry about feeling so unwanted and unattractive, but he says its just "him" now. He doesn't know if it may be because he used women for years or because he is just not interested, but I'm in so much pain. I cook for him, make his lunches, clean the house, spoil him, PLUS have two kids and a 60+ hour a week career.
I'm at so much of a loss. I don't know what to do. I love him, but I miss having ANY intimacy other than a peck before he goes to work or bed.
May 26, 2015 - 12:34amThis Comment
Thank you...I agree with what you are saying, that helps a lot. I'm glad I found this website. I believe you are right about his fear of being intimate may take too long because he's always in a rush in the morning. Saturday he gets up and works and sometimes has conference calls at his house. Last Sunday he had a conference call at 8pm. The last few weeks we've only seen eachother on weekends. I also agree that I need to be patient. I've never had a situation where I was the one needing more sex.
I don't mind us spending some time apart, although I miss him during the week. I've gotten use to this because I work evening shift so I stay at my place during the week because he's sound asleep and I don't want to wake him. My frustration comes from being afraid to initiate or even touch him, for fear of being "turned down." (Of course we still cuddle and all that good stuff). I know he is attracted to me, it has just made it unnatural to me since I cannot initiate anything. It's all when it's convenient for him. And that is the part that frustrates me. Because I find I'm not being as relaxed and spontaneous. And because I've read so many statistics about how many times couples have sex per week. It makes me wonder "shouldn't we be doing it more often?" I never worried about this when I was younger. I have thought about "taking a break from sex" and working on it when it comes back to being spontaneous later. But I also don't want to withhold sex because I feel like that is playing a game and I might cave into sex when I'm trying to withhold it. I just wish the sex could be on both of our terms rather than just his. It makes it much more pleasant.
October 16, 2009 - 9:49amThis Comment
I understand what you are saying 100%. Your story and age difference sounds exactly like mine. It is such a daily struggle. Take heart in knowing you are not alone, girly. If he really is a keeper, keep being patient and ask him if there's anything you can do to help alleviate how busy or stressed he is? You may have to schedule your sex; which totally takes the spontaneity out of it, but ultimately meets both of your needs.
October 17, 2014 - 3:23pmThis Comment