I found this site and decided to open about the issue that is bothering me for a while. I have never talked about this with anyone so I hope you will understand and help me a bit.
I am 20 and I have been with my boyfriend for around 3 years. We have never had sex since I am just afraid of this. It's not the matter of intimacy, we have tried other things, we like being close to each other and just enjoy this. We talked about my fear and he understands this and never pressures on me (which I am so grateful for), if we decide to try, he stops if I tell him to do so. So it's not about this that he is forcing me to do this or anything, no. We just love each other and wanted to give it a go. Honestly, I can't exactly specify what I am afraid of. It's maybe pain a bit, but I know that this can be easily forgotten and it lasts just for a while. I think it might be connected with a fact that I was raised in a very religious family and love/sexual topics were always almost a taboo. I am not religious, currently I don't even go to church so I don't mind losing my virginity before marriage, I personally think it's a case between two people, their love and trust, not a paper that tells everyone they are together. But I have something like "What would my mum/others think?" thoughts. She is constantly mentioning the fact that I shouldn't be living with my boyfriend, that it's not time for children (I don't want to have children, I just wanted to have sex) and she usually mentions this that I will get pregnant. (I mean, she probably thinks we are already having sex like wild rabbits if we live in the same flat) It is really annoying for me, I know I'm only 20 but I guess teenagers have more sexual life than me right now so I don't think it's something bad. Wee have been together for a solid while with my boyfriend and we are planning on staying with each other to grow our love and trust, neither of us just wants to fu** and not to think about anything else. Maybe actually that's what the case is. I am sort of afraid of this number that represents my age in which I would lose my virginity and what would other people think. I know it's my "problem" and my life to decide about such things but somehow it doesn't let me do this.
I will be really grateful for any advice.
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