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How to remove the fear of pain of first intercourse?

By Anonymous July 13, 2009 - 4:05am
 
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im scared to have sex

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i'm newly married but i always keep myself away from being intercourse with my husband because I'm scared of sex for the first time. He sometimes angry with me but i'm totally helpless. Whenever we proceed for intercourse but i feel fear of pain and resist him doing intercourse. Please help me so that i can remove this tension and keep my husband happy. I don't want to be scared of sex.

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi all! This is Hope

I have a question, I have a tight vagina, and my husband's penis is not that big..It seems stupid to ask but i keep thinking, how is this penis going inside and still not causing any pain? This question keeps turning in my head and I cant be brave to take the pain to please my husband and myself..
Regards,
Hope

February 2, 2011 - 3:46am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

hello
i have got married one year before and i am afried of doing intercourse pleas please help me how can i do please

January 30, 2011 - 8:48pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Can you provide us with more information? I want to clarify that you have been married for one year, and have not yet had sexual intercourse with your husband?

It is important for us to know that you have read the above information, as there is some helpful tips and advice that answers your exact question.

Please tell us:
- What information/advice from the above posts have you tried?
- What information, advice, suggestions from the above discussion was helpful, and what was not?
- How old are you?
- Do you have medical conditions preventing you from having sexual intercourse?
- What is your relationship like with your husband? I assume you two are living together, and have been for the past year? Have you made many attempts to have sex? If so, why/how was it unsuccessful?
- Do you feel that you are in a healthy marriage?

January 30, 2011 - 9:05pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hello Suzan,
I would like to say, the opening of vagina..I've had a chance to lose my virginity with my husband in the first night together, but after that, any attempt of intercourse is not successful..The reason behind that is my fear, then i feel pain even in the external part of my vagina, Whenever we try to have intercourse, i fear, then the pain starts to double..Im aware that the fear of pain is more than the pain itself and yet, im unable to overcome it!! Then, I feel like a failure not be able to have intercourse..Im really desperate.
I would like to say, that my husband is very supportive, understanding and tender, but I fail to overcome my fear, even when we take our time in fore playing, i get wet and such, but the act of insertion is frightening to me..
Thanks for reading my comment, I so appreciate it.
Best to you.

January 28, 2011 - 3:36am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Thank you all!
I would like to share my experience. Im married and i face the same fear of sex. I tried couple of times but I stopped my husband each time. I cried and even get traumatised. I feel fear has overcome over me!
Now, answering your questions:
Have you ever been sexually assaulted or had an unwanted sexual or physical experience or trauma? Never
- Do you feel that you can trust your current boyfriend, and that he will listen to you if you want to slow down, or stop, being physically intimate, at any point? My husband is a very good listener, he listens, he discusses that with me and he is very understanding and patient.
- Do you feel that you are able to physically respond appropriately, as part of the sexual response (meaning: do you feel "wet" and that your vagina is lubricated?). I feel wet and my vagina is lubricated but when it comes to insertion, I cant continue..
- Do you have any underlying medical conditions that may be hindering physical enjoyment, and/or causing pain? Have you been evaluated by a Gynecologist? I've been to the gynaecologist and she told me that I have a very tight hymen and this is the reason behind the strength of pain, she even explained to me that i have to suffer the first times.
Im sharing my experience as i thought im the only woman who is fearful of sex..Im glad to have this space where i can feel I share my pain and suffering of not having sex and not enjoying it with you ladies.. thanks!

January 23, 2011 - 2:38am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

i liked the above post hope every individual who has this fear may follow it

September 2, 2010 - 7:58am

Thank you all for posting. I didn't realize how many people fear sex but Susan, Alison, and Diane's posts are very helpful.

I did have a tiny bit of fear my first time, which is completely normal, but nothing to the point where it would stop me. The way I figured, as long as I got the first time out of the way, the rest would be pleasurable. To say the truth, it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but if you don't stop it from happening and let it take its natural course, it gets better. Doing the "in and out--stop--ok, go--wait, maybe not"---is not going to help get rid of the fear or the discomfort.

This irrational fear that some people have about sex is likely brought upon by people that love us such as our parents or family members telling us it hurts because they don't want us to have sex or get pregnant at a very young age. I can only say I hope my daughter has this fear, at least till she's 18 :)

I definitely think relaxing and forgetting about it as much as you can is the key. It is VERY possible to forget about "pain" when you are in the moment with your partner but not if PAIN is all you're thinking about to begin with.

February 11, 2010 - 1:33pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am having the same problem too. Married with my husband for 2 months. We are trying to have sex, but when his penis touch my vagina, I begin to panic and tend to close my legs. I was so scared of the pain. and feeling my private part is very tight and can't image how hurt it will be when something insert in. Can anyone help?

February 10, 2010 - 12:58am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

hiee....even i have the same problem i am married for three years now and still i m scared of intercourse whenever he tries i just tighten my legs i feel that it will hurt me
bu t wat can i do ..even i m tensed...three years passed still scared but i have inserted other thngs such as round shaped instruments into the vagina and it was 2 inches inside

June 19, 2011 - 1:32am
(reply to Anonymous)

Anon,

I'm so sorry that you are fearful about sex. Did you read Susan's and Alison's posts, above?

Like Susan said, the first time usually doesn't hurt like you are thinking it will. The actual act of intercourse for the first time just tears the tissue called the hymen, which is a very thin sheet of tissue -- not even as thick as skin. So there may be a small sting, but it is not even as painful as a cut to your finger or a bad scrape on your knee. And it is over very quickly. Nothing else hurts. But, like Susan said, it is just a new feeling because it's something you've not experienced before.

Can you take some of the above suggestions, like having a glass of wine and a warm bath first? Anything to take the stress away. By being so tense, you are making it seem much worse than it is. Relaxation and depending on your partner to be gentle are the keys.

Does this help a little?

February 11, 2010 - 8:49am
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