Improved
6139 HealthChanged
3797 LivesSaved
3584 Lives0 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More
We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment1230 Comments
i know what you are experiencing, my boyfriend and i have been dating for three years. i know he loves me but lately its been difficult to be alone with him. we waited 6 months into our relationship to have sex, and i think that made us closer. however, in the past 2 weeks we have had sex about 1 once a week compared to the 3 -4 times a week we would do it. we recently started college, were both trying very hard to find a job and one of his best friends moved into his house. how do i talk to him about it and try to go back to how it used to be?
September 28, 2009 - 6:37amThis Comment
Anon,
After reading your question, I have to say that I'm surprised you're having sex at all with the very recent stresses that you have in your household. Starting college, trying to find a job, and having a new roommate in the house -- any one of them can affect a couple's relationship, and you are dealing with all three at once!
If this has just happened during the last two weeks, if I were you I would not worry so much. Give it a little time. Focus on school and your job searches and let the new roommate become not so new. Realize that with these things going on, things just aren't the same as they used to be, and it's not either of your fault. Part of being in a relationship is understanding, during times like this, that outside pressures will sometimes affect you.
If it goes a couple more weeks, bring it up during a private moment -- but not in bed, and not when you're both tired. Maybe during a Saturday lunch, for instance. Just tell him that you miss the closeness you two had before all this, and ask him if he does too. See what his response is. Ask him what he thinks has changed most, and listen. For instance, it may be that the presence of someone else in the house -- especially a best friend -- has made him a little less comfortable with sex? Or the pressures of the job search and finances have him stressed out?
Don't be too anxious -- again, two weeks is not very long. Just be yourself, and talk about it in a caring, open way.
October 1, 2009 - 8:48amThis Comment
Ummm, maybe he just doesn't think you are sexy anymore and that's his subtle hint to you to buck up? maybe his desire to not hurt your feelings is stronger than his desire to not lie to you. sorry not gonna read a wall of text to see if someone already said this
September 26, 2009 - 6:01pmThis Comment
GO TO THE INTERNET AND READ A ARTICLE OR BOOK ABOUT ALEXANDREA FOX BOOK CALLED "UNFORGETABLE WOMEN" IT IS SAVING MY LIFE AND SANITY, I HAVE SIMILAR PROBLEMS.
September 23, 2009 - 1:25pmThis Comment
I was reading some of those articles, and honestly, I've tried a lot of those things with no responses, but there was also a lot that I never thought to try. Thanks for the tip! I think the tips in these articles are actually helping a little bit. I stayed to myself yesterday, not really ignoring my husband, just being independent and doing my own thing. I cleaned the house and played some games on my computer in the evening. And to my surprise, without me making any gestures or asking for sex, my husband came to me!!! I was so shocked, because it has been soooo long since he's come to me wanting sex. And to top it off, the sex was AMAZING!!!! The best I can remember us EVER having. This Alexandrea woman could be a godsend. Thank you so much! :D
September 24, 2009 - 7:40pmThis Comment
Anon, this is wonderful. Just wonderful. I love your description of how you just had a day being independent and doing your own thing. (The truth is, that's sexy!) Thanks so much for writing. Enjoy!
September 25, 2009 - 9:25amThis Comment
Sad to say, but reading all these made me feel a bit better- depressing as that may sound. I'm not the only one. Boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. First year, we had a lottt of bumps in the road. Fighting, breakups you name it. BUT we still had great sex. he actually used to be a 'ladies' first kinda guy. I used to receive oral 3-4 times a week, followed by sex. It was amazing. Now, I can't even remember the last time I got it. Must be 3 months ago? Depressing. I still gave him oral, to kinda trigger maybe sex or him returning the favor- nothing. Gave me a couple of 'oh man that was great's and soon after falls asleep. So, I resulted to the 'well i'm not giving anything to you then' hoping that maybe he will realize and be a bit more generous. Obviously that hasn't been working out if i'm googling WHY MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE. Aside from the 'pity' sex a few days ago, we have gone 2 months without sex. He always falls asleep. He has the most stressfree job. He sits there.. and maybeeee answers an occasional phone. He knows he has the simplest job ever. School JUST started so there are no tests coming up, nothing. One time he even fell asleep when i was giving him oral. Is that even possible?! I'm getting down on myself, trying to lose weight (even though i'm only 120), tone up, haircuts, make up, the works. I'm so miserable with myself because of this situation. I'm losing it for him.. and I think the only thing that will make me feel better is if we break it off. At least I won't bare another nights disappointment. I'll let you know how it goes...
September 23, 2009 - 8:37amThis Comment
First of all don't demand anything, you are to be very diplomatic. May be he has some problems because of stress or tiredness. Speak with him about taking Extagen. I have bought a bottle of these capsules for my dh and waited for two weeks for opportune moment to speak about taking this drug. The course of Extagen helped him a lot, we have sex 2-3 times a week now.
September 22, 2009 - 8:35amThis Comment
Huh?! There is a drug that makes the man more randy?
September 22, 2009 - 6:44pmAren't we a prescription addicted bunch/nation? Why the heck can't we solve this without resorting to prescription medicine????
Next thing you know, there'll be a prescription to make us think. ssssssssishhhhhhhhhhhh.
Go figure.
This Comment
I wouldn't have ever thought of resorting to medicine, except for the fact I've tried everything else -I- can to solve the problem. It doesn't even matter anyway. I suggested it to my husband and he doesn't think it would work, and also says it would be too much money. :P
September 22, 2009 - 7:28pmThis Comment