Two short weeks from the day the doctor suggested surgery, to the surgery was the longest time of my life….
On Wed. Sept. 24 I called Empower, and that call saved my life…
My mind went out of control, why because May 9, 2005 I was stage 4 and had mastectomy – which was very life changing.
Somewhere afterwards someone/or I read something to the effect that the first 5 years after cancer surgery were the most critical and any problems during that period would normally be a cancerous situation…so when the GYN/OB surgeon decided that due to the pains and the fact that the uterus was closed to the point that he could not get inside to see and after he had 2 separate ultra-sounds and 3-D imaging all showing that the uterus wall was too thick for my 68 yrs (should be 7mm and was 11mm) surgery was the only opinion, he recommended D & C ( Dilatation & Curettage) and based on the findings a hysterectomy and my mind went out the window….
I know nothing about either and the thought of the later put me over-the-hill…the idea of a surgery that could cause me to be out of work for six weeks, in these politically charged time, as I work for the state in what is called an ‘uncovered position’….
Last fall I had met Empower founder Michelle Robson and we exchanged cards, and I kept hers…So when my mind snapped on Wed. Sept 24, I called Michelle and she was able to calm me by listening and making positive statements and referring me to the website…
This was my starting point from ostrich to taking control and deciding that I would take the steps necessary to win whatever battle was in store and I was envisioning the worse…
Then I called for PRAYER Warriors to join me (via email) and got lots of good support messages back. The 24th and 26th I had several pre-surgery tests, from getting clearance from my asthma doctor to blood work, chest x-ray, EKG, etc., and for me this was each at a different facility due to the fact that my primary care doctor was out of paternity leave.
The EKG did not come back as the Surgeon would have liked thus, some rhythm was off, and to have anesthesia I needed it to be perfect, thus had to have a cardiac clearance. By weekend of Oct. 4, I was ready to do whatever/whenever, on the surgeon’s timeline.
You must understand, that Patience is a virtue which up to now I had not possessed nor had I realized what a controlling person I was until all this hit me! So Monday about 3:30 I got the call to go take one more EKG test and if it was ok then surgery would be Wed. Oct 8 at 7 a.m.
The cardiac clinic worked my in for 3:00 Tues and after cardiac ultra sound I was cleared, my blood-pressure was a little on the high normal, and my heart beat was 115, but they could tell I was in the panic mode, the cardiac doctor, whom I’d never met before, had the perfect bedside manner and I left that office READY for the surgery the next morning…calm as a cucumber…went into the surgery with positive attitude, fear and panic had left me…
Maybe I was just petrified to the point I was not feeling.
By 10 a.m. I’m getting into my friend’s car and headed for home to recoup, surgeon who is also a pathologist said all was fine, my uterus is “Pink and clean”, so no problem see him in two weeks and cleared me to go on the vacation I had scheduled back in July before I got in to see him….
So during that two week period I experienced every emotion from the pits of depression combined with fear/panic to now walking on air after it is all over…. Point DON’T count yourself out until it is over….!
Princeline Roxbury
Phoenix, AZ
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Add a Comment7 Comments
Like others here, I also read and re-read your story a few times. You've really touched me personally, just by sharing your ability to let go and have some faith in others. That can be so incredibly hard, often putting us in a mode of unhealthy denial rather than simply letting go and allowing others to offer us support.
Thank you for sharing and allowing us to gain the very valuable insight your story offers!!
October 13, 2008 - 12:04pmThis Comment
Princeline, Many women will be gratefull you took the time to write down what you were feeling.
As you've pointed out, sometimes our reactions and emotions are almost more difficult to face than diagnosis.
I'm thankful you found the support and encouragement you needed on Empowher and through Michelle.
Isn't it wonderful to be surprised by what can happen when we put our faith in others?
Best wishes Princeline and like many others have said before me here, have a wonderful vacation and please update us on your progress.
October 12, 2008 - 6:12amThis Comment
Dear Princeline,
I am so happy that your test results came back normal and that everything is fine. I was holding my breath this past week, praying that everything would be OK.
Our mission at EmpowHer is to help all women as they are faced with tough health challenges or the unknown. We always seem to think the worst, even if we are the most positive people..like you! We can't help it. Especially when you've already battled cancer. Every time something comes up...one tends to automatically think there's been a recurrence of cancer.
My hope for EmpowHer is to help as many women as we can who are faced with stressful times and health issues. We need to support one another and share our health successes as well as our health challenges. I would not have started EmpowHer, had it not been for my own health challenge.
I know you are going to be an inspiration to so many others who have survived breast cancer and who may be faced with health uncertainties.
Thank you for trusting me enough to post on EmpowHer, and for picking up the phone and calling me when you needed support. That's what I love to do the most .... help others like yourself get through the tough times. The uncertain times.
You should always have someone who can validate how you're feeling.
I know you will do this for others, Princeline, because you've been helping others your entire life. It was time for someone to be there for you! It was truly my pleasure.
Big hugs,
October 11, 2008 - 10:30pmMichelle
This Comment
One of my younger sisters has been living with uncertainty and anxiety about her health, as she had a scare several years ago when she developed a uterine cyst. Your story is inspiring, poignant and encouraging.
Thank you so much for sharing (how lucky you are to have met Michelle!) and all the best for your recovery.
October 10, 2008 - 4:35pmThis Comment
I have two friends who have dealt with breast cancer. One is 20 years post-mastectomy, the other is about 3 years past it, but she has continued to have metastases in her body and has just achieved her third remission. All along the way, both women experienced different versions of what you describe.
At one or more times during each of their treatments came forks in the road where they had to put faith in other people, even when they were really scared. That act of faith proved very important for them, as it did for you.
Your post is a testament to what can happen when women reach out to one another, which is what is so cool about Empowher. It's like a big community of women, all different ages and conditions, sitting and sharing what they know, and finding answers to what they don't know.
Thanks so much for sharing your story.
October 10, 2008 - 9:29amThis Comment
Thank YOU so much. What I'm learning from this "Blog" is that I could release the last of the tension and emotion...and that I can go on with life, using my last 1/3 to be of service to others....There was much more to the story than I put in this "blog" and as I get comfortable with myself I will share more...starting with why I hold everything in, I'm overweigh and it is my opinon it is because I STUFF everything inside to protect others....and don't deal with the truth.
Love, Life and Light, Princeline
October 10, 2008 - 5:02pmThis Comment
Princeline, your story is incredible. I read it once, then twice, then three times, feeling your emotions as you traveled between hope and fear and anxiety and back to hope and then joy. It feels like what you experienced in those two weeks could be a book all by itself.
I am a control freak too, but it's funny, that thing we call control -- it's times like this that it makes me realize all over again that we rarely control the big things that happen to us; we can only work on controlling how we react to them. You cratered a little at first, which is natural, and then you did take control of what you could: you cooperated with all the doctors' needs, you asked for prayers, you reached out to find more information and you became your body's advocate in a scary time.
Thank you for sharing what you went through. Every woman who reads it will identify with the details. And some who are in the middle of their own difficult time will definitely take hope from your story. May you sail through the rest of your five years -- and far beyond -- without any more worries. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you this, but enjoy that vacation!!
October 10, 2008 - 8:55amThis Comment