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I have a 19 yr. old daughter, very smart, making bad decisions. I have been a single parent for about 9 yrs. and just recently remarried. Some background regarding my daughter is that her Father is a Cardiologist from Syria, threatened to take the children out of the country at my daughter with the issues age of 8. Her siblings were 4 and 5 yrs. of age. There were 2 attempts at abduction at the time. The father broke 3 of my ribs in front of the children. There were legal battles in court trying to keep the children in the US for many years. My 19 yr old was a very good student in high school, athletic, weight conscious and angry. Currently, I will attend nursing school in the Fall and my 19 yr. old is a freshman college. The father has told her since she was a little girl that she was fat, but favored her over the younger children. He gave her money, a car, and let her do whatever she wanted. My daughter became physical with me because I could not afford luxury items and turned against me moving in with her father at the age of 17. She got a $70,000 scholarship at Loyola to become an attorney. She could not adjust and was home almost every weekend. At Christmas break she was supposed to bring her older sister home from Loyola who was attending there as well, did not bring her home, and took it upon herself to transfer schools to U of I in the middle of the year. I raised her older sister by myself and she will be attending the U of I Medical School this year as well. My 19 yr. old then went into a downward spiral. She told me she was taking Adderol off of the street at the University, she was caught with a fake ID and lost her license for a year, withdrew from her summer class, started living with a boy, her hair is extremely brittle, and acne all over her face. She said that she stayed up all night during classes to study ( has a 4.0 GPA), would go exercise for 4-5 hours then crash and would not be able to get out of bed for days. I have recently been remarried to a domestic violence police officer. She came home unannounced looking terrible. I took the liberty of going through her purse and found 3 empty baggies. One had residue of a white powder. (possibly cocaine). She stole her little sisters ADHD medication, and her brothers wallet. I took her to Eating Disorder facility for a tour. Of course they wanted to admit her immediately. She would not agree and took off back to Champaign with her friend. As much as I am trying to help her she runs. I have spoken to her Father which was very difficult for me but, he does not help. I am afraid for my daughter, keep trying to help her with medical care, and necessities. I feel like a failure by not getting through to her to get the help she needs. Any suggestions?
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Hi Susan,
November 25, 2015 - 8:43pmI did want to update you on my daughter's condition. After she returned back to Champaign, she obtained a few jobs and overworked herself. After I did take her to Linden Oaks for the intervention she refused, I feel it was a wake up call to her. She changed her major to kinesiology and nutrition, and started working in research labs at her college. She is very smart and is doing research in neuro-cognitive kinesiology, and how gut bacteria effects the brain. She still has issues with her eating but now has turned to a vegan diet, is training for a body building competition, teaches spin classes, and yoga. It is a healthier way to live but, I feel it is still to the extreme. Her self esteem with her body has not improved even though she is a beautiful, smart girl. I am currently taking mental health in nursing school. She does have her Father's personality. Her Father is definitely a narcissistic sociopath but , my daughter does seem to have a borderline personality disorder or bipolar. She thankfully has been seeing a psychiatrist. For a girl who is so smart, she does have issues decision making on caring for herself. The communication between us has been a little better this last year but does go from one extreme to the other. At times she will be extremely disrespectful, defensive, and irritable. or call to see how my day is or tell me about her day? She is conflicted when she speaks to her Father because of him trying to alienate her from me. When she comes home from school wants to spend time with her siblings and I. Her Father then makes her feel guilty about any financial help she receives from him, and only sees her when it is convenient for him. This makes her feel obligated to obey his wishes. I try my best to help her emotionally but, I am limited financially. She does shut me out if I state reality to her she avoids dealing with any past issues she needs to address from the divorce, and her self image. She has recently been accepted to a Chiropractic school. I am hoping this is only a stage that she will grow out of. I know she needs cognitive behavioral therapy. She makes progress difficult by over extending herself in other aspects of her life by school, working, research, and exercise, continuing the denial of dealing with the underlying problem. She will be 21 in June. I am concerned about her moving to another State without a support system. She knows what she wants in life and is determined to make her own way. Hopefully, if she is able to become independent from her Father she can gain control of her life and make the changes she needs to prosper. She seems a little better but I do know there is more work to be done. I really don't think it will happen until she realizes it and is willing to make a change. With her current coping skills and level of development, I am not sure if I should continue the course of action I have been taking with her? I am definitely not a professional in this field and have only learned the basics. What are your thoughts?
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